From a Coaster in the Middle of the Lake
by KingdomFlameVIII
Summary: What do two boring, jobless teenagers in Bristol, Connecticut do when given a license and way too much time on their hands? They go to the amusement park, of course! AkuRoku. Side Pairings. M for language, underage alcohol consumption, and adult situations. You know the kind I'm talking about ;)
1. Chapter 1

**(Prepare for a long ass author's note…)**

**Hey everyone! I wasn't really sure if I wanted to post this, but what the hell. Can't hurt, right? This is my nanowrimo story! I wrote all the way up to around chapter eight, I want to say, this month, November. I don't know, the first 50-55 thousand words. It's kind of screwy, because its inception was for a fanfiction, but I didn't write it as one. I made new characters in an AU. But the whole thing is BASED on AkuRoku anyway. It looks like a fanfiction, it's lemon-scented like a fanfiction, and it's REALLY CLICHÉ AND FLUFFY like a fanfiction. So read if you will, I guess.**

**ALSO! You're going to have to pick. Would you like a) Zemyx with a really girly acting Zexion, and I mean like an actual girl, not a faggy flamer OR b) SoKai? Or you can suggest another straight pairing if you'd like, as long as it doesn't involve Roxas ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Lake Compounce, or any of the other places mentioned (which are all real, by the way. I grew up in Bristol.)**

Roxas Winters was always considered a pretty "under the radar" kid. Seriously though, in a school like the one he went to, that could be considered a pretty impressive achievement. The kids were relentlessly looking for someone to pick on, someone to make feel even worse about their already pathetic lives. But the thing was, they always picked the weakest kids, the ones already on their knees, to knock to the ground. And even if Roxas never had anything else going for him, he could proudly say he had never been weak.

But this story isn't about school, anyway. It's about summer.

Ah, yes, glorious summer. The prime of every child's life, surely. Not that summer life in Bristol, Connecticut could be all that thrilling.

Bristol was already a "just there" kind of place. If you were smart enough, you could find yourself "just there" in the face of school. As for the town itself, it wasn't very big. Not that it was like a Buck's County hick town; it just wasn't a large city. Buildings that got more than three stories high were for either hospitals, or a couple of random Marriott hotels.

For a town though, it was fairly big. Big enough where, if you liked, you would be able to blend in without a single person knowing your name. Big enough to host about two dozen pizza restaurants, ones that you won't miss until they're gone. The locals didn't know it, but they were a pizza city. Definitely big enough to need a disastrous amount of red lights to get through. It could take up to twenty minutes to get through Bristol, right up until they built a highway running right through it. Last but not least, Bristol was just big enough to have its own resident amusement park, which is where our story begins.

Lake Compounce was Axel's favorite place to go in the summer. The amusement park dates back to the late eighteen hundreds; its oldest remaining wooden coaster (a _painful _one at that) having been built in 1927, hell it even had its own little legend surrounding the name of the park.

Lea Delarosa was Roxas' outspoken, outrageous best friend, but everyone had been calling him by his middle name, Axel, since before Roxas even met him. The only person that ever dragged him out from under the radar. Ever since Axel turned twelve, he'd been wearing his hair long, untamed, and stop sign red with eyeliner to match. If Roxas knew what he'd be getting into when he met Axel, who was an innocent blonde at the time, they probably never would have bothered to get to know each other. It wasn't that he was the kind of outrageous that everyone wanted to keep him on a leash in public and/or slaughter him, he was just _loud. _

Axel was what one referred to as a Class A badass. Though he liked pretty much everyone, he had an extremely exclusive social circle. During school he allowed himself to be seen the burnouts and the skaters, though he'd never bothered getting with them after school. He could _sort _of skate, but it was mostly image that made him fit in with them so well. He wore all the silly pants with chains and hole-y hoodies and chokers and _scarves, _for goodness sake. Though a big softie at the best of times, he had a very short fuse, and set the standard at their school for not to be fucked with. He skipped class when he wanted, and got into fights when needed. He was very tall.And quite possibly partially colorblind, Roxas never really knew for sure.

Roxas was the complete opposite. He was around the height of most girls, and he had unruly hat hair that was the most boring, unnoticeable, peeled banana blonde in the world. He'd never gotten into a fight in his life and he had serious social issues. He wasn't exactly socially awkward, like a retard, he just really didn't _like _people. His wardrobe consisted of jeans, hoodies, and t-shirts. Green cargo pants were the extent of his color spectrum, and he never, _ever _wore scarves.

The day Axel attained his driver's license (which, incidentally, happened on the same day school got out) the sixteen year old redhead drove up to the curb of Roxas' condo, with the proudest smile gleaming on his face, holding up two season passes to Lake Compounce for Roxas, who had just gotten off the bus, to see.

Roxas didn't see them at all. He was busy looking in Axel's dad's car, noticing that his friend was the only one in sight.

"I hope you know this means you're driving me to school next year," said Roxas, crossing his arms and skipping the congratulations completely. "I don't think I can stand the freshmen on my bus any freakin longer."

"Naturally," Axel replied lazily, with a confirmatory jerk of the head.

Roxas walked up to the car, which was still in drive. He found that odd. "Why aren't you parked in my driveway, Axel?" he asked blankly, still having completely written off the passes Axel held in his hands, "I know you want to show off your license and everything, but isn't just sitting there in drive a waste of gas?"

Axel let out a loud, barkish laugh. "You think I drove fourteen seconds down the street just to _show off_? Gee, Roxas, I'm so _flattered _to know just how you think of me. Here," he threw the laminated pass at Roxas. "Don't lose it, 'cause I ain't fucking buying you another one. Now get in here, and let's make good of our time off, yeah?"

Get in the car? With… Axel? It wasn't like he didn't trust Axel, but… okay, he didn't trust Axel. Not at all. Not behind the wheel anyway. Even with the ridiculous amount of space Roxas' three-family parking lot offered, Axel had spent the prime of his childhood crashing his skateboard into anything and everything he possibly could. Not to mention every goddamn time a Shakira song came on, he'd swing himself around wildly, regardless of what he was doing. Sitting, standing, playing video games… cutting vegetables…

But Roxas was seventeen, and reckless, and partially subject to peer pressure. So he did as he was told, sending a quick text to his mom to let her know that he'd gone home with Axel today, as often he would.

Surprisingly, Axel was a good driver, though Roxas couldn't help but notice that the radio was still _off. _But hey, he might as well get accustomed to it, because knowing Axel, as long as it wasn't too hot, they'd be spending at least every other day at Lake Compounce.

Admittedly, season passes were a pretty good deal if you were a teen, jobless, and a local. Parking was free, provided you had a pass for that too, and soda was free for everyone. That is, _if _you're brave enough to venture to designated areas. People spilled soda so often that many regulars affectionately renamed the park "Bee City" because of all the yellow jackets it attracted. It wasn't like Six Flags—all the rides were free past admissions, and access to the water park was free of charge. It was something the boys would take advantage of, for sure.

Getting from Willow Glenn Condo Association to Lake Compounce took approximately fifteen minutes, which Axel and Roxas spent discussing the senior prank from this afternoon. Every year the senior class had one. Last year's was pitiful—all they did was _decorate _the place. This year was much more grand. The senior class snuck in extra early and tied all the freshmen's lockers together. And also initiated a full blown squirt gun attack on anyone who dared venture into the student parking lot. Axel and Roxas made plans for next year's prank—their class, even though they were both outcast misfits with only three or four friends to their names. No matter how great the idea was, it wasn't gonna be heard unless you were in the class cabinet, on every sports team, and in every play. That was just how the cookie crumbled.

When Axel drove up to the parking booth, a girl he and Roxas both recognized was working there. She was a tiny little thing was short, blue black ringlets that fell just short of her shoulders. She went to school with them, so naturally, seeing her anywhere else was an awkward experience. For Roxas, anyway.

"Hey there, Xion," said Axel jovially, handing her his pass parking pass, "Didn't know you worked here."

Looking utterly miserable, she replied, "Oh, hi Axel. Today's my first day. You guys aren't the first I've seen coming through; almost the entire senior class is coming to celebrate. It's really weird, 'cause I never know what to say to anyone," she laughed nervously, "You're the only one that's greeted me by name so far. Otherwise I've just been getting the 'sup?' nod and a couple of passive 'heys.'"

"Well, I'll make sure to drive through your booth every time! Keep you company for a minute. That okay with you, Rox?" he questioned, turning his head back toward Roxas.

Roxas cocked an eyebrow and nodded. "I guess? Why wouldn't it be?"

Xion smiled, "Thanks. I'm almost worried that working here's gonna ruin my love for this place. I'm glad I'm only on parking lot duty."

"We'll take you in and hang around on your day off," Axel promised. A car in line honked behind him. "Whoops. Gotta go! See you later, okay?"

As they sped away, Roxas observed Axel with curiosity. Axel had always been social when he chose to be, a feat that Roxas would never understand. He could never get how Axel could just jump in and make friends at the drop of a hat. It was a wonder that he _wasn't _in every school play and on every sports team and president of the class cabinet. If he wanted to, he could be living the high schooler's dream. Yet he hung out with Roxas instead.

Axel pulled into a random spot and cut the ignition. He was jabbering excitedly about how this was gonna be such a great summer, and that they _really _needed to make the most of it, because this time next year they'll have graduated and would need to be adults and do adult things like work and find colleges and pick out a career and all that jazz. They had to be extra _extra _immature this year just to be certain they weren't wasting the last of their childhood.

But Roxas hardly paid any attention. He still thought about Xion. And how, even now as they were walking, Axel smiled at everyone and helped this one lady pick up her sunscreen.

"How do you do that?" Roxas asked.

"Huh? Do what?" said Axel.

"Just… be so nice to everyone like that," said Roxas, "I mean, we don't even know that girl, back there, at all. But you went out of your way to talk to her. Why would you do that?"

Axel looked at him as though he'd asked the simplest and most unbelievably stupid question in the world. "Why wouldn't I? You know why I think half of America is depressed?"

"Mm," said Roxas.

"Cause everyone is so nasty to each other. Everyone just ignores everybody else, at best. And, I don't know, it's like, impossible to make a left turn onto route six because everyone is too wrapped up in their own stupid lives to let anybody in. And if you _did _slow down to let someone in, people behind you just _mindlessly _honk their horns like you're doing a crime. If everyone were just a little nicer to each other, maybe life wouldn't suck so much. Y'know?"

"Sure?" Roxas questioned. "Do you think I'm mean to people? I don't _mean _to be mean. I just don't like people."

"And that's because everyone needs to be a little nicer to each other," Axel concluded with a smug grin. Roxas hated that grin. Axel wore it every single time he won an argument. They hadn't even been arguing now, but just seeing it made him want to fight.

"Yeah shut up," he growled.

As soon as they'd been admitted, the smell of amusement park food came wafting from every direction, and Roxas' mood was extremely improved. He was eager to get onto all the _good _coasters, and maybe do a few rounds of ghost hunt. But first: off to the drink stand!

The nearest stand was next to the bathroom at the entrance of the kiddie section and it was a complete disaster. It was one of the worst concerning bee population because the cotton candy/snowcone building was next to it as well. The area was full of the sounds of swarming bees, screaming kids, frustrated parents and vendors that couldn't speak English. The ground was soaking wet and sticky and smelled like soda that had been left in the sun too long.

"Who's gonna take it this time?" Axel asked gravely. They exchanged frightened looks.

"One, two, three _shoot!_" they shouted in unison. Roxas picked rock, and Axel had this retarded sideways scissors thing that he quickly tried to pass for paper, but Roxas called him out immediately. His entire posture sagged as a moseyed towards the stand.

"And there goes a broken man," Roxas laughed, "get me a Mountain Dew."

Axel flipped him off, earning many disdainful looks from angry parents, and then balled himself up as small as he could to charge into the small crowd. Roxas stood a safe distance away and hummed the Indiana Jones theme loud enough for Axel to hear until his friend reappeared, carrying Roxas' Mountain Dew and a Pepsi, his drink of choice. Axel was one of those people that always got the same soda, and substitutes didn't cut it. It was either Pepsi, not Coke; and if the place didn't have Pepsi, it was Sprite, _not _Sierra Mist. If the place in question only carried Coke and Sierra Mist, he'd just get water and they probably wouldn't ever go back.

"I think you might have made a record," said Roxas happily.

"We should bring stopwatches next time," Axel replied, taking a sip as they walked closer toward the center of the park.

Roxas took a sip as well. "You forgot ice," he frowned.

"Fuck you, get your own ice!" the redhead exclaimed. "I was risking my life over there, and you're gonna bitch about ice? Don't know why you'd want it anyway, it just makes the soda all watery and gross."

"Not if you don't take forever to drink it, drama queen," Roxas countered, "No wonder it takes you so long too, I wouldn't touch mine very often if it was lukewarm, either."

They glared at each other in that 'I love you, but you suck' kind of way for a couple of minutes before Axel put up his hands. "Whatever, let's agree to disagree. What do you want to go on first?"

"I wanna do the Pirate Ship, then the Boulder Dash, then the Thunder and Lightning, then the Downtime, then the—" Roxas began babbling a million times a minute, but Axel cut him off.

"I want to go on the Ferris Wheel," he mused.

Roxas stopped dead in his tracks. "The Ferris Wheel." He deadpanned.

"Yes, Winters, the Ferris Wheel," Axel said, completely seriously. "If we go on all the awesome ones tonight, and then tomorrow, and then the day after, and then the day _after, _they're gonna suck by the time the week is out, no? Let's just go on mellow stuff for now, and act like we're just hanging out in my kitchen or something. Cause I bet when you compare going on the Ferris Wheel to just sitting at my table eating all my food, it sounds a lot funner, doesn't it?"

"Funner isn't a word, _Lea,_" said Roxas, crossing him arms. "Does it have to be the _Ferris Wheel, _though? Can't we go on like, at least the swings or something? Or that one that goes in a circle that shoves you to the side?"

"Those are _noisy, _though," Axel complained. "How are we gonna talk over all that?"

"Who wants to hear you talk, anyway?"

They bickered, just for the sake of bickering, back and forth all the way into the water park, at which point they'd completely forgotten that they were supposed to be heading to a specific location anyway. They stopped only when they'd unintentionally arrived at the entrance to the Lazy River. They both looked at each other and grinned, thinking the exact same thing.

_Hell yeah._

After a very heated argument with the guy overlooking the "river" over whether Roxas's gym shorts and Axel's khakis counted as bathing suits, someone who was clearly superior came over and gave them clearance to go. Axel and Roxas spent the majority of the time on the water making fun of the guy who'd tried to stop them, and when they finally got back around, he wasn't even there anymore. He'd been replaced by a guy with hair the exact shape and color of a pear, which granted him an even bigger laughing at (once out of earshot, of course) than the original guy.

Next came pizza, which was so expensive that it emptied what little money Roxas had from his wallet. They'd decided then that from that day on they'd be bringing sandwiches instead of spending precious allowance on food. Which really, was what they spent their money on anyway, but 20$ could buy a whole lot more funyuns than it could Lake Compounce Pizza.

When they were done with the pizza, the sun was beginning to sink in the sky, and it became that time where one wasn't sure anymore whether to greet someone by saying "good afternoon" or "good evening." The sun had turned that gorgeous, orangey yellow color that you only got in the late afternoon, and that, added to the entire pizza Roxas and Axel had just shared, gave Roxas that lazy, full enough to go to sleep feeling, and their day (which hadn't really been all the interesting to begin with) started to settle down.

Due to Roxas' incessant whining, at around seven thirty Axel finally caved and allowed them to get in line for the Boulder Dash.

The Boulder Dash, for anyone who hasn't ever been to or heard of Lake Compounce in their life, is a wooden coaster built along the mountain. And by mountain, I mean tame, rocky hill. It goes up, then down, then back with a couple of cute twists and turns. Back when Roxas was young, it was everyone's favorite ride, and his dad never shut up about how smooth it was for a wooden coaster.

Such was not the case anymore. The wood was beginning to decay, and the ride was getting more ferocious on thighs and hips every year. But Roxas could still remember being eight, his heart jumping through his chest as he stood in line to go on it for the first time. He was just tall enough for the required height (while wearing his biggest sneakers) and he was scared, scared, scared. The girl operating the coaster thought he was the cutest thing of all time, and she double checked to make sure he was okay before starting the ride.

Because of that fond memory, Roxas still made it a point of riding the Boulder Dash at least once every time he came, although this year he'd probably break that tradition, as he'd never had season passes and a licensed best friend before. Axel had brought up a decent point; he really didn't want to lose all his love for the best rides.

"Let's take the back," said Axel, moving to the right line for it.

"No way, man, the front," Roxas argued, pulling them the other way.

"But the back has the most action!" Axel complained. "Everyone knows the back whips around the most."

"Which would be great, except now it _hurts _to ride in back," said Roxas adamantly, letting a wary couple pass them in the front line.

Axel stuck his tongue out and him but in the end, finally agreed to let them go in front. The line for the front seat was the longest, but only by a couple of people, so they got in it and waited. Before they even got on the coaster, they'd gotten into a discussion about whether it would be possible to manufacture nose warmers. Roxas had a very small and buttony nose, so often even if nothing else got cold on him, his nose would; which, if your nose has ever gotten cold, you'll know it's one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world.

Their conversation continued all the way until they were choppily ascending towards the initial drop, and Axel was still jabbering away.

"…doesn't get cold, usually, but you know those really awful snots you get when it's cold out, and you could be riding the bus or something like that, and then all of a sudden they start _jabbing _into your nose like crazy and you really want to pick them out but _can't _'cause you're in public and no amount of sneezing can help—"

"I can't believe we're talking about boogers right now," Roxas laughed.

"What? You _can't _tell me you've never had tho_ooooh shit!"_

Axel had finally figured out that they were bolting down a 59 degree angle incline at sixty miles an hour, which made it more than slightly difficult to hear each other shouting. But they actually attempted it anyway, this time discussing what material nose warmers would be made of, if such a thing existed, and how it would be physically possible to make ones that stay on your face. By the time they reached the station, they were both hoarse and slightly winded.

They bounced merrily down the hill to check out their pictures. Because even if no one ever bought them, there was just something special about looking at yourself either screaming, attempting to make a macho bored face, or otherwise getting the hair blown out of your face by the inevitable roller coaster wind.

After a brief scan of the various screens in a search to find their own pictures, Axel obviously found it first because he started cracking up in loud, boisterous laughter. He was actually bent at the waist and holding his ribs as though scared they were going to crack.

"Wha—where is it?" asked Roxas, who was still able to find it.

Axel, apparently too overcome with laughter to speak, simply raised his arm wordlessly and pointed him in the right direction. A split second later, Roxas was crumbling down, practically on top of him, with laughter taking over him as well. He didn't think he'd ever seen such a funny expression on Axel before—or himself, for that matter.

His own mouth was open, and was, shit you not, totally diagonal. He couldn't even repeat the expression in the mirror, that's how awkward it was. Both of his eyes were bulging, making him look kind of like a lopsided toad. Axel, on the other hand, had just finished a sneeze. His nose was all scrunched up, his eyes were shut, and his mouth was puckered to about four times smaller than it usually was. Both of them hand their hair pushed back, which was especially hilarious to see on Roxas, because he always _always _wore his bangs over his face. Axel usually parted his shoulder length hair off to one side, but he didn't usually wear it in his face like a girl. But it was still funny to see it whipping back into the people behind them.

"Oh my _god!_" Axel choked out, "Look at your _face! _We have to get one."

"Look at yours!" Roxas countered, still hardly able to control his laughter.

They too a minute to laugh out the last of their laughs before Roxas finally managed to say, with a straight face, "Well, if you want one that bad, buy it yourself. I paid for pizza."

"Yeah but I paid for _passes!" _Axel exclaimed, "_And _I got the sodas."

"Well tough shit," Roxas replied, opening his wallet for his friend to see. "See? Empty."

Now Axel could make these faces, and they were the most pitiful faces of all the faces on the face of the Earth. His eyebrows literally sloped up on the insides like they did when characters were sad in cartoons, and he purposefully quivered his lips to make it look like he was on the verge of tears. As pathetic as it was, it made his victims feel like the worst person in the world, and willing to do pretty much anything to make it stop.

"_Axelll!" _Roxas whined. "Don't give me that face, there's nothing I can do about it. I. Am. Broke."

But Axel kept up the face and eventually Roxas caved. "Okay. Fine. I'll contribute like, five bucks from my next allowance to pay you back."

The redhead's face lit up as he instantly dropped the façade. "Really? Ya mean it?"

"Probably not," Roxas laughed. "But if you want it, hurry up and buy it, cause it's gonna go away in a sec."

"Right-o."

Thirty seconds later, they had one ridiculously expensive picture in a cheap plastic bag. Axel had a scanner at home so they could print one for Roxas, too. They were subconsciously heading back for exit now. Roxas' feet were tired, he was hoarse from yelling on the roller coaster, and he was still full enough to go to sleep.

"One more round of Ghost Hunt before we go?" Axel begged.

Roxas shrugged. "Sure."

The line for the Ghost Hunt, like always, was ridiculously long. It was the kind of like that you really wish came with seats, or at least had railings you could lean up against while you waited. Unfortunately, the "railings" here were, appropriately for the décor, made of chains, which were next to impossible not to mention painful to sit on. Not that Axel hadn't tried in the past.

There was a little girl in line with them, clinging fearfully onto her older brother's leg. She had very large, brown eyes, and her hair was tied back into a little pink bow. She stared silently at them for a long while, before finally she said. "Mister, why is your hair so red?"

"Marlene! That's not polite!" the boy snapped, tugging her to face forward. "Sorry about that," he added to Axel. He looked to be around twelve.

"Don't be ridiculous," Axel said good naturedly, bending down on one knee to get down on her level. "I put stuff called dye in my hair, and it makes it red for a while. After a while, it grows back blonde. I just recolored it yesterday; the dye smells really good. You want to smell it?"

"Yeah!" she said excitedly, taking a little sniff. When he looked over, Roxas could see that the boy inconspicuously lean closer to Axel as well. "It's like bubble gum!"

Axel smiled. "You can do it with Kool Aid too, but I won't tell ya how. Wouldn't want you to get in trouble because of me. But if you wanna try it, ask your mom to google it for you, and you can do any color you want."

"Okay!" she said. She turned back to face forward and held her brother's hand. "Hey Denzel, do you think Mommy'd let me?"

"Iwokno," he said passively. "That's girl stuff."

"Hey, now!" said Axel playfully. "I heard that."

After the kids got on their ride, Roxas laughed, "Need some ice for that burn? You know you got problems when a _kid _insults you. The only difference is they say what everyone else is thinking."

"Red isn't as girly as blonde, though," the redhead huffed. "Could you imagine if I wore hair like this—" he flipped it around as he said it, "—blonde? People'd be mistaking me for a girl from behind."

As they climbed into their own little cart thing, Roxas heard the people behind them sniggering, but he didn't bother telling Axel. The hell did he care what color his friend dyed his hair? As long as it wasn't pink, he could care less about being seen together. He'd rather enjoy his time in the smoke and blacklights than listen to Axel bitch about how perfectly masculine he was.

When they exited the ride, however, Roxas was contemplating changing his mind, because Axel had _creamed _him. His gun was broken (or so he kept insisting) so when they reached their final score, Axel had him beat at 0072 to 5813.

Grumbling and griping about their aching feet, Roxas and Axel finally made it back to Axel's dad's car. It was late-ish; the park was due to close in about forty five minutes. It was still early in the season, though, so hopefully when they reached the middle of summer, it wouldn't be just past dusk by the time they had to leave. Given the hour, the car was pretty much deserted, with no one else around for at least two rows.

"Ugh, I'm so tired," Roxas complained, flopping lazily into his seat and reclining it all the way back. "Goodnight."

"Whoa whoa, hang on, don't sleep," Axel warned.

"Why not?"

"Cause when people sleep in the car with me, it tends to make me really drowsy, too. So if you want to sleep…" he paused for dramatic effect, "…then I'm just going to have to put on Britney. What do you think, Roxas? Should I listen to Toxic or Circus?"

Roxas bolted up immediately. Not only did he _despise _Britney Speares, but he was still very iffy about Axel plus car plus radio, because it probably equaled death. "Okay!" he said quickly, "I'm up!"

Axel chuckled, "That's what I thought... so, you wanna go home, or crash at my place?"

"Hang on, lemme just call," said Roxas, taking out his phone. Days at Axel's were always better than days at home. Not only did it enable him to shirk his chores for a few hours, but it also allowed him to avoid his mother. See, Roxas's mom had this bitch quota that she had to fill every day, so the less time he spent at home, the more likely she was to take it out on his dad and brother instead of him.

His mom didn't answer her cell, but she answered the house phone on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Hey mom."

"When are you coming home? You've been out a bit late," she reprimanded.

"Ma, it's not even eight thirty yet," said Roxas. "Me and Axel were at Lake Compounce. We've got season passes. Anyway, I—"

"Oh, that's nice," she interrupted.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Anyways, I was gonna go to Axel's for the night. Is that okay?"

His mom paused. "Aren't you getting to be a little old for sleepovers, dear?"

Roxas pressed a hand to his forehead. "It's not a sleepover if you're playing video games until the a.m. We're not _girls, _mom, it's not like we brush each other's hair and gossip and watch soap operas.

"Well, all right. What time are you going to be home tomorrow?" she pressed.

"I don't _know,_" said Roxas, trying to keep polite and not get too frustrated, "We don't make plans like that. I'll come home… I guess before dinner tomorrow. It only takes like, two minutes to walk home, so I really don't get what the fuss is about."

She huffed. "Okay, Mr. Attitude. I'll see you tomorrow."

Roxas could just hear her shout, "_Make good choices!" _before he hung up. "Wouldn't be surprised if she put a bugging device on me with all the questions she asks," he grumped. "What does she think we're gonna do, go into the woods and smoke pot?"

"My neighbor does," Axel commented passively. "But personally, I think she could afford to tone it down a bit. I don't have a mom, so I really can't relate."

They didn't have to pass Roxas' house to get to Axel's but they were on the same street, pretty much. Roxas didn't really like that, only ten doors down, his mom was probably standing outside, listening for the sound of a car and watching for the momentary gleam of headlights at the top of the hill. It was impossible to see Axel's house from Roxas' but that didn't make it impossible to spy.

"Sometimes I wish we didn't live so close to each other," Roxas remarked, climbing out. "It'd be nice to get away once in a while."

"Well, the Lake's a little bit farther," said Axel with a grin. "So relax. Besides, she's not going to chase you here anyway. She's too scared of my dad, remember?"

That she was. Her first ever impression of Reno Delarosa was at Axel's thirteenth birthday party. Like any good parent, he was there to monitor the whole thing. Unlike a good parent, however, he'd made a game of climbing onto their trampoline, which they had placed just next to the pool, and holding kids by their ankles of the water. Then another player would have to shoot them in the belly with a squirt gun, and whoever could hold up the longest before begging for mercy was the winner.

Furthermore, when they were done with _that, _he starting giving the kids tips on how best to flip off the trampoline into the water, and even went as far as to give them boosts so they could jump _really _high and have extreme cannonball competitions. It was all just harmless fun, but Roxas' mom was horrified. Word spread like wildfire amongst the rest of the moms, and before long, the story had been blown _way _out of proportion, and Reno became a sort of boogeyman to all the neighborhood moms.

That never stopped Roxas from coming over, though, mostly because it was within walking distance, and partly because his dad had met up with Axel's shortly after, and deemed him harmless. But that never stopped Roxas' mom from throwing a fit every time he wanted to spend time at Axel's.

By the time they got inside and settled, neither of them were really in the mood nor awake enough to play video games, so they just moseyed into Axel's room and started changing into nightclothes. It had long since become ritual to simply borrow clothes to sleep from whoever the host was when they had sleep overs and return home in the same clothes they came in, and tonight was no exception. When Roxas finished changing his shirt and stripping himself of jeans, he started helping Axel with the pullout bed.

Axel had a queen sized bed, which was plenty large enough for two adolescent boys to sleep on, but they found out very early on in their friendship that Axel had a tendency to cuddle _everything _in his sleep, and Roxas was no exception. Roxas slept on the pullout bed from then on, or sometimes for the sake of swapping, Axel slept on the pullout bed and let Roxas sleep on the good mattress.

Nothing more of interest happened that night. Both boys were asleep within ten minutes of their heads hitting their pillows, and the next day, they would wake up and do it all over again.

**A/N: Please review if you're enjoying it so far, and pick a pairing PLEASE!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay people. I know most of you were hoping for some Zemyx, but I just could bring myself to genderbend the girl I'd already written. So I'm going to try something a little funky. It's a straight pairing, obviously, and it's very crack, but it's a pairing I've ALWAYS wanted to write. So humor me, please? **

**Also, I think it's important to mention that I've taken on the mighty challenge of trying to write a man like a man actually thinks. You know how in most yaoi fanfics, they always seem to cry a lot and they overthink like girls and it's just a shit ton of emotional wrecking and whatnot? Yeah, I'm gonna try not to do this hear. Any male readers I have (if I have any at all!) should give me feedback on this. I've never been a boy, but I've been told I think like one. **

**I'm not gonna bother writing any more disclaimers. One at the beginning is good enough.**

* * *

The first several weeks of summer went exactly the same way. Close to every day (Roxas hadn't bothered keeping track of the days, anyway) Axel would come to his house at two o'clock, they'd eat something, and then they'd spend the day at Lake Compounce. Granted, some days were special occasions like Roxas' mom's birthday, or Axel's 24-hour flu, and sometimes they'd just never leave Roxas' house or sometimes they'd go back to Axel's for the day. But for the _most _part, every day was spent hanging around the amusement park.

On one day though, something interesting actually happened after Roxas and Axel got off the kiddie coaster after riding it four times in a row. The guy with the pear hair they'd seen before approached them.

He was a weird-looking dude. Aside from just the hair, that is. He wore tapers in his ears, which was something Axel didn't even do, due to Roxas' distaste for them and threat to stop speaking with him if he actually went and did it. The guy also wore converse shoes, dog tags stamped with musical symbols, and a flashy rainbow wristband that clearly screamed 'I'm flaming.'

Anyway, it wasn't until they'd sat down on a bench and started eating their churros did he start coming up to them. When Roxas saw him coming, he just avoided eye contact and kept up his conversation with Axel. When he sat down and started talking to them, though, it became slightly unavoidable.

"I've seen you guys around," he said, in a surprisingly masculine, lisp free voice. "Why do you hang around here every day? Doesn't it get boring?"

"No more boring than daytime TV," said Roxas, which is what he said to anyone that asked. He really hated nosy people. And funny-looking people for that matter.

"As long as we don't come around looking for thrills, we don't leave disappointed," Axel added for elaboration. Unlike Roxas, he seemed unfazed by the appearance of their new companion. "It kind of takes away from the whole theme park experience, sure, but I kind of figured we were kind of getting old for it to be too exciting anyway."

The stranger nodded. "I never considered it from that angle," he said. "Ever since I started working here, I hated it. Now I never want to come when my all my friends do. It really sucks. I'm Leonard, by the way, but just call me Demyx," he said, sticking his hand out for Axel and Roxas to shake.

"Hey, I'm Axel," Axel replied in a friendly tone, shaking his hand. Roxas only took it very briefly.

"Roxas," he offered gruffly.

"Is Axel your real name?" asked Demyx.

"Nope," Axel replied, grinning. "It's Lea. But my _grandma _doesn't even call me Lea. I just go by Axel."

Demyx nodded, returning Axel's smile. "Nice to meet you. 'M on my break, and I've been curious about you guys for a while, so I figured I'd just come and flat out ask. Hope I didn't creep you out too much, I've been told I'm a little too social for people these days."

"It's not gonna bother _me _any, it's that little hermit you have to worry about," said Axel, nodding towards Roxas. "He's like a cat. He tolerates other people, but you can't pet him until you've known him for a little while."

"I'm right _here, _you know," Roxas said irritably.

Demyx laughed a little to humor Axel, but politely held himself back for Roxas' sake. "Don't worry, kitty, I don't bite," he said playfully. "Anyway, I totally respect you guys, hanging around in public and everything. I think it's way cool."

"What d'you mean?" Roxas asked.

Demyx looked a little stunted. "You mean you're not—?"

"Hey, I see Demyx finally got around to talking to you!" a female voice cut him off.

Roxas looked around to see a very cute girl walking gracefully towards their bench. Gee, when'd they get so popular? She was a little taller than he was, with a willowy, narrow figure. She had dark, periwinkle blue hair that hung in flat layers around her shoulders. When she got a little closer, Roxas could see that she had violet eyes. That was cool, how often did you see people with violet eyes? They were framed by thick black eyeliner, though, and though it brought out the color, it made her look a little too scene when added to the hair. Roxas hated scene kids.

"Hey, Aqua," Demyx replied cheerfully. "I was just introducing myself. Axel, Roxas, this is Aquamarine. But don't ever call her that to her face, or she'll eat you."

"Alive," she added playfully with a welcoming smile. "Anyway, we kind of just wanted to know what the deal was with you two. You're not gonna be the new swings guy, are you?"

The 'swings guy' was a man that nobody really knew the identity of. All the general public really knew about him was that at least four times a week, for the duration of the park hours, he would sit on the swings and go, over and over and over again. Neither Roxas nor Axel had ever talked to him before, but from what people in their school said, he was a nice old man with slight mental disabilities, and that riding the swings put him in a good mood. No one was sure whether that was really true or not, but nevertheless, he became a topic of conversation for any regular Lake Compounce goers.

"Nah, we're just two buddies trying to pass the time," said Axel. "Summer can get really boring when this asshole's your only friend."

"Gee, thanks," said Roxas, rolling his eyes. "_You're _friends with everyone you meet. It's your fault you can't get enough of me."

"He's modest, too," Axel said, pretending to whisper. That got everyone to laugh, even Roxas.

"Where do you guys go to school?" Demyx asked. "Me n' Aqua are gonna be Seniors, but I don't think we've seen you guys around. You know 'em, Aqua?" Aqua shook her head, mouthing a little 'nope' without saying it out loud.

"We go to Eastern," said Axel.

Demyx winced. "Lancers, huh? Yikes, I don't know if we can be friends."

"El oh el what's a sport?" Axel laughed. "Never played one in my life. I think our teams suck but I like our school colors better."

Aqua and Demyx exchanged looks. "So do we," said Aqua. "So I guess we can be friends. That is, if you want."

"Hey, s'long as we're all gonna be here all summer we might as well," said Axel. "You gonna explode if we make some new friends, Roxas?"

Roxas shrugged passively. On one hand, he didn't like people. That was a general rule. On the other, Axel got along pretty well with these and their conversations required little to no effort on Roxas' part. They didn't seem like assholes, if nothing else they were a little too cheerful. They were probably drama kids. On the list of groups in school that Roxas hated, drama kids were number three. Number one was stupid people. It was pretty vague, he knew, since it covered such a large range of student types and ethnicities. Number two were preps. Preps and drama kids often intermingled, but there was a slim difference as the drama kids tended to have just a bit more motivation and the preps were more worried about what they wore and who they associated with.

People that were too cheerful irritated Roxas, but seeing as he already had Axel around all the time, two more weren't going to make much of a difference. "I guess that's fine," he said, "as long as you don't mind my being judgmental of anything and everything."

Aqua laughed. It was a laugh that made you want to laugh too. It wasn't a half assed chuckle, nor was it roaring and attention-drawing. It was more of a happy laugh than an amused laugh. It gave Roxas an odd sense that he belonged. "Finally, someone like me! Demyx's been yelling at me for it for _years! _Let me guess: your first impression of me was that I'm too scene and your first impression of Demyx was his pear hair."

"It is _not _pear hair!" Demyx insisted, but he was outnumbered. All three of them were laughing at them, Roxas the hardest, nodding his head up and down wordlessly. Maybe some new friends wouldn't be so bad after all.

When they cleared up their laughter, Aqua said, "Well, we should probably quit bugging ya now. We have to get back to work, anyway. I hope you guys aren't those kind of people that have one conversation and then just never talk again, cause I like you. If you are, though, it was nice to meet you and nice talking to you."

"Thanks, you too," said Axel.

"Bye!"

And then they walked off, chatting amiably with one another. Roxas wasn't really sure what he made of them. He liked Aqua well enough, but Demyx, he just could not figure out. He _looked so _gay, but he was just straight enough not to be. Overly social people made Roxas uncomfortable, yet it wasn't like they expected him to be social with them. He tried not to dwell on it too much, because he knew that if Axel liked them, they would end up being friends whether Roxas liked it or not. Because Axel always needed to drag him out from under the radar. Once again he questioned why he and Axel were even friends in the first place, and though he couldn't come up with an answer, he could admit to himself that he didn't like the idea of living without him.

What a strange kid Roxas Winters was.

"Sorry, I didn't want to tell them to just go away," said Axel, "You think we'll ever talk to them again?"

"Maybe," said Roxas. "I think I could tolerate them."

"Wow, you really do like them!" Axel exclaimed, not a hint of irony in his voice. See, the equivalence to "I tolerate you" in Roxas language is more or less like "I love you" in normal people language. Of course, toleration was the most anyone usually got out of Roxas. Axel was one of the only people who had ever merited the occasional "I like you" when Roxas was in his better moods. He wasn't hateful, per say, but as a general rule he didn't like people until they were proven likeable. Things were safer that way.

"They're okay," said Roxas vaguely. "Granted, both of them with the weird hair and appearance does kind of bug me, but maybe I'll get over that after a while. I think the only difference between them and other people is that they were being their weird selves around strangers instead of waiting for us to become friends. That's… okay. I like honesty.

Axel nodded in agreement. "I'd rather become friends with a total weirdo than become friends with someone on the pretense of their being normal when they're actually weirdos. I'd rather know what I'm getting into."

"Says the guy that went from class president in sixth grade to school badass in seventh!" said Roxas. "A bit hypocritical, no?"

"Yeah but I haven't changed in years," said Axel. "You just came in at an inconvenient time."

"Don't I just have the best luck."

Axel was going to reply, but his words were cut off by the sounds of panic. Well, not exactly panic, but enough of a fuss to get them to look. A mass of people was starting to crowd around one of the benches, and were murmuring to each other in concerned voices. While Roxas only felt a mild curiosity as to what they could possibly be looking at, Axel was not so indifferent. He started making towards the crowd, so Roxas, seeing little choice, followed him.

"…just saw her collapse—"

"Is she okay?"

"Do you think it was from something in the trash can?"

"…bet drugs were behind it, those kids…"

Judging by the pair of feet lying horizontally on the ground and the mutter from the people around them, Roxas could only make the assumption that someone had been injured. Passed out, from the sound of it. There were too many people in the way to see who, just yet. They waited around for a minute, and then the emergency response team began to break up the crowd, and the owner of the feet's face became visible.

"Xion?"

Their classmate had apparently fallen onto the ground for no reason at all. None that they could see, anyway. Her arms lay uselessly on the side with no signs of scraping or any damage at all, and one leg overlapped the other. She was breathing, but she definitely wasn't moving.

It was Axel that said her name out loud, and, only minutes later, Roxas would really be wishing that he hadn't. One of the paramedics heard him say it, and he lifted his head up to look at them. "Do you two know her?"

Roxas was just opening his mouth to say "not really" when Axel said, "Yeah, we go to school with her. What's wrong with her?"

"We don't know yet, but would you two mind coming to the ER with us to answer some questions?"

And just like that, Axel and Roxas been ushered into an emergency response vehicle with some unconscious girl they barely even knew, all because Axel had to open his big, fat mouth. Roxas had never been inside one before, but looking around like some kid on a field trip was only making him feel even more intimidated than he already was. So he kept his eyes to the floor until they arrived at the hospital.

Roxas had always hated ERs. He'd been to one four times in his life, and each was just as unpleasant as the last. The first time was because he'd accidentally stapled his fingers, which was a hideously painful experience. That was the only time he'd been there for himself, but nevertheless, he hated it. It sometimes smelled like fresh blood and you could hear people freaking out and kids crying and nurses chatting with each other. The phones rang a lot, and the smell was too… hospital-y for Roxas' liking.

When they got inside, Xion was quickly wheeled behind a curtain. Axel and Roxas were asked to sit down on chairs with stiff, itchy cushions and the paramedic from before began asking them questions. At first, it was easy stuff like whether she'd seemed sick earlier or if they saw anything suspicious around the time she collapsed. They'd passed through her booth that day, and to Roxas she'd seemed absolutely normal.

Then the questions started getting harder. They were asked whether she had asthma or allergies, if they'd ever known her to use drugs, and her parents' phone number. Though Axel insisted that she wasn't one to do drugs, they had no answers for any of the other questions and were forced to explain to the guy that they _really _didn't know her that well at all.

"Sorry we couldn't be of more help," said Axel regrettably.

The guy shrugged his shoulders. "With her name, we should be able to find a contact. We mostly just asked because we didn't want her to wake up all alone and get scared. It looks to me like it was probably dehydration, so she'll probably come around soon enough. You can wait near her curtain if you like. "

"We'll stay and wait," Axel said immediately.

Roxas didn't know what to feel. He wanted to be mad at Axel for getting them into the situation they were, but at the same time, he didn't because what they were doing really was the nicer and more decent thing to do. All in all, it was just really awkward and uncomfortable. He was sitting in a room, waiting for a girl he didn't even know to wake up from dehydration. One minute, he was kicking back at Lake Compounce, trying to decide whether he felt like being social, and now all of a sudden he was placed in a situation where he would need to reassure someone who wasn't even his friend that everything was all right.

He and Axel both called their dads to pass some of the time. They each explained in detail what had happened, and both had to go through the same process of "no dad, we weren't hurt" and "no dad, we aren't going to get billed." Eventually it was decided that whoever's dad got out of work first (Axel's took the truck for the day) would come pick them up and bring them back to the lot so they could pick up the other car. After lots of begging and reasoning, Roxas' dad finally agreed that they wouldn't have to tell his mom about this, since it would only give her cause for worry and probably bitching about gas money.

It only took twenty minutes for Xion to wake up. It might have taken less time, as it was only from a tiny, nervous little "hello?" from her side of the curtain that told them she was even awake at all. When they came into her area, the look of worry on her face changed to one of confusion.

"What are you two doing here?" she asked. "What happened to me?"

"You collapsed while you were changing the garbage bags," said Axel. "The emergency response guys figured out that we knew you, and they took us here to answer questions. A fat lot of good that did them. They've been trying to find your parents—"

His words were cut short by a very out of place little snort.

"They won't find them," she scoffed. "And if they did, my parents wouldn't come anyway. My dad goes out to sell drugs all day and my mom sleeps. Then he comes home and they get drunk and go back to sleep. If anything, they'll just be enraged at me for waking them up."

"Well, I'm gonna go get the doc, tell 'em you're up," Axel deflected. He left the room, leaving Xion and Roxas alone together.

Roxas stared at his feel, feeling oddly guilty. When he bitched about his parents, it was usually about his mom, and it was usually because of how involved and overprotective she was of him. He'd put little thought before into the idea of having the opposite. Having ignorant parents sounded a lot better to him than having ones like his, but that was because he grew up with his naggy mother. What must it be like to have parents who weren't there for you, ever? Not even when you needed it the most?

"They're gonna have to come for you eventually…" he spoke up, surprising himself. "They have to check you out, because you aren't eighteen."

"I am," she said. "I'm actually a grade behind. Repeated kindergarten for speech and all that. I'm just short."

"So you're just gonna go home," he asked, trying not to give away his incredulity. "and act like everything's normal? Are you even going to bother telling them that you went to the hospital?"

She smiled kindly at him. "I'm prone to fainting spells because I'm anemic," she said, "Which is also why I'm so little. This isn't the first time I've been here and it won't be the last. It says in all my papers everywhere that it's normal for me, but everyone seems to make a big fuss about it every time it happens." She paused a moment, and rubbed the back of her head. "M' noggin hurts a bit, though. I might have given myself a concussion this time. You'd think my head would get harder from all the falling I do. But to answer your question, no, I'm not going to tell them. They'd just tell me how incompetent I am as a daughter and then bitch about the work hours I've missed."

Roxas laughed, or at least, he blew more air out of his nose than normal and smiled some. "Now that I can relate to," he said. While he might not have a job, his mom's favorite hobby, in concision with filling her bitch quota, was "pick on Roxas." The rules are simple: spit out anything and everything that is wrong with Roxas in as little time as possible. Anything goes; some of her personal favorites included his posture, his grades, his lack of driver's license ("But you won't drive me to get a permit!"), the condition of his bedroom, his hat hair, and his lack of job (which was the only one he thought was completely fair of her to be mad about).

They sat in a comfortable silence until Axel returned with the doctor. He looked fairly young, Roxas would say he was about a year away from starting to grey. He had short brown hair, was clean-shaven, he wore a neat little nametag that said 'Dr. Bay' and it was clear that he had a wife at home that ironed all his shirts. Roxas liked that. Something he a had a phobia for concerning doctors was facial hair. If you are performing surgery on someone, they don't need your wiry scruff falling into their innards. It wasn't until Roxas was older that he realized that doctors wore face masks during surgery and facial hair tended to stay in place better than normal hair, but those old santa doctors you see sometimes bothered him nonetheless.

"Hey Xion," Dr. Bay said brightly, setting the clipboard down on her bedside. "Nice to see you again. Wish I'd stop seeing you _here, _though."

"Hi doc," she replied, returning his smile. "You know I can't help it. I'm usually passed out when people send me here."

He nodded and gave her that, 'yeah, I feel you' look. "Well, if you're not experiencing any other problems, I guess you can go home. Anything I should be concerned about? You didn't land on your head, right?"

"I might've," she admitted. "It hurts a little."

"I'll check for a concussion."

Axel and Roxas sat awkwardly in their chairs while Dr. Bay did his thing. Nobody had told them to leave, so they assumed they were allowed to stay in the room. He asked them a few idle questions to pass the time, but for the most part, him and Xion did the talking. They seemed to be pretty well acquainted with one another, and Roxas wondered whether it was because they were of any relation or if it was because she was at the hospital so much. He wanted to know, but he felt to would be weird to ask.

After several minutes of this, the doctor declared Xion to have a small concussion, but nothing major. She already knew proper procedure for taking care of minor concussions, and set her phone alarm right in front of them to go off every two hours during the night.

It wasn't until several hours later that Roxas' dad called to inform them that he was out of work and on his way. Xion didn't have a ride home, but Roxas' dad good-naturedly agreed to give her a lift back to the park so she could pick up her car as well.

When the boys were safely out of earshot and back in Axel's dad's car, Axel finally said, "Sorry we spent the day in the hospital. Are ya mad?"

"Not really," said Roxas. "I kind of was earlier, but it wasn't really anyone's fault. It was boring as hell and it smelled like a hospital, but I mean, it's not like we really lost anything. I feel better knowing we were there for her when she woke up, even if she is a regular."

"I kind of meant mad at the world," Axel admitted. "Making you _talk _to people like that."

"I'm not like, Asperger's or anything," Roxas grumbled. "I know how to hold a conversation if I have to. You make it sound like I'm agoraphobic."

Axel kept his comments to himself on that one.

They didn't go to Axel's house that night. He dropped Roxas off at home. Roxas was grateful, because he really didn't feel like having the mother argument over whether one could stay with the other. For once, he was actually at home in time for dinner, and afterwards he busied himself doing his neglected chores voluntarily to avoid trouble between himself and his mom.

He thought about Xion a lot. She had more problems than he ever had, and she had to face them all alone. He spent a good amount of time feeling like an asshole too because, even after knowing all that, he still wasn't thrilled at the idea of having to become her friend. In theory, it sounded like a great idea, but he knew in his head that he was just too lazy to want to go the extra mile to make new friends.

People like Demyx and Aqua were okay, because they'd sort of just inserted themselves into his life. Xion was shy, or so that impression was given. Getting her to feel comfortable with them, and then getting _themselves _to feel comfortable with her seemed like a lot more work.

He'd never realized it before, but Roxas Winters was kind of an asshole.

Maybe it could be changed.

* * *

**A/N: You know the drill, babes! The more reviews I get from you, the faster you'll get an update from me(:**


	3. Chapter 3

**I have a perfectly legitimate excuse as to why it's taken so long to update a story that's always eighty percent typed. The screen on my laptop cracked, and now that Nanowrimo is over I was able to take it to get fixed. And like a dumbass I forgot to upload this to googledocs so I could post it from some other source. Whoops. **

Being friends with Demyx and Aqua, Roxas discovered, was even easy than he thought it would be. They didn't bother playing the 'getting to know you' game or asking probing questions. All Roxas had to do was show up for lunch; the rest happened on its own. Xion got in on it too, but only on days where they had her working in the park instead of on parking lot duty.

Aqua and Demyx both _were _weird, though, like Roxas and Axel assumed, especially Aqua. According to Demyx, she was an artist, and weirdness on her level was normal for all artists.

Demyx, on the other hand, was almost normal, and straight as a rod. He had the biggest crush on Aqua and as far as Roxas was concerned, it was so obvious that she must either be stupid, or pretending she didn't know. Or maybe girls functioned differently than guys when it came to that kind of thing.

Anyway, on the fourth of July, Demyx and Aqua both had work off, but they agreed to go to the Lake with Roxas and Axel anyway, because before then, they hadn't spent any more than lunch breaks together. The park was _insanely _crowded, all trying to get in early to wait for the fireworks. It was all right, though, as long as one didn't have a problem with moseying and wasn't in too big a hurry.

The foursome hung around the park only for a few hours before the inevitable disagreement on what to do next befell them. If it were just Roxas and Axel, they'd settle it with rock, paper, scissors, but there were four of them now. Anyway, the conversation went like so:

"I wanna go to the water park!" Demyx exclaimed with enthusiasm. "You have no _idea _how much it sucks to be a lifeguard that's not allowed to swim!"

"I don't," said Aqua shortly.

"How come?" Axel asked.

"Do you really want to know?"

Silence.

"I don't feel like swimming either," said Roxas, partially because he felt bad for her. "I didn't bring my suit."

Usually, swimming without a bathing suit didn't make that much of a difference to Roxas, but today he had most unwittingly chosen to wear denim shorts. One of the many, many things Roxas couldn't stand was wet denim. He didn't like how it looked, how it felt against his skin, and he especially didn't like that noise it made when it chafed. That, and he really did feel bad for Aqua. He could never pretend to understand the female functions, but he could understand being left out.

"You guys suck," said Demyx, pouting.

"I'll go swimming with you, Dem," Axel offered. "Aqua can go with Roxas, and then we can meet up at the Croc Pot for pizza at four. Zat sound good to everyone?"

After several variations of 'yes,' Demyx was sprinting full speed for the wave pool, which had just sounded its bell for a new set of waves, and Aqua and Roxas were sauntering lazily in the direction of the carousel at a nice, comfortable speed.

It was a good thing they weren't in a hurry, too, because even if it weren't the fourth of July, the park would still be packed because it really was the perfect day out. It wasn't warm, it was _hot. _But a good, dry hot, the kind of hot that, when coupled with a light breeze or a passing cloud for a bit of shade, could be quite enjoyable. People of all kinds were rushing around them, so to Roxas it kind of felt like they were walking in slow motion.

"I'm not really on the rag," said Aqua. "I just wanted to hang out with you to shake things up a little."

Roxas meant to say, 'And I care because…?' but he ended up saying, "Why me? What made you so sure I didn't want to go swimming too?"

She pointed at his shorts. "You're wearing denim."

"How did you—?"

"I don't like it either," she explained calmly. "I figured that with all the other things you're nitpicky about, that would be one of them. Anyway, I'm trying to figure you out."

"How so?" he asked warily. He thought earlier that she was all right, but if she decided now to start picking his brain apart and expecting to figure out why he was so darn crusty, he might just stop talking to her. Roxas hated it when people thought he needed fixing. He probably _did _need fixing, but who did they think they were to decide that? It wasn't like he was _outwardly _an asshole, so he hardly saw why it mattered.

But Aqua wasn't looking at him all self-assuredly or shrewdly or anything. She just smiled pleasantly and said, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you tell me your life story. It's just that, well, Dem and I still don't really know who you are. You hardly say anything. And it's kind of weird, because when you _do, _it's like, perfectly normal and fine but then you just go back to listening. But see, I wanna know what goes on in your head."

"So basically you want to get me alone so you can dissect me?" he asked skeptically.

"Essentially. I figured 'cause you're so quiet around Axel, maybe if it was just you and me you'd be a little more talkative."

Roxas laughed. He couldn't help it. "No, you don't understand. You've got it backwards. Axel's the one that _makes _me talk in the first place. When he's not around, I don't really say much at all, unless social obligation demands it of me."

"And yet that's the most you've said to me since we've met," she said with a smug grin, "now that he's not around to do the talking for you."

"I…fuck you," he said with resign. Whatever. It was obvious that she wasn't going to let this go, as women often don't let go of things, so Roxas figured he'd just go along with it and let her make whatever assumptions she wanted about him. "What do you want to talk about?"

"What do you?" she countered.

"If you ask me that, we aren't going to talk," he said, not to be mean, but to be honest. He didn't start conversations, as a general rule, and he didn't usually sway them in any different directions either. This was fine, when it was just him and Axel, because Axel had enough talk in him for the both of them. But Roxas didn't know Aqua so well. She'd probably force him to hold his own end.

She looked thoughtful. "Well now that you ask me, I can't come up with much. What's your favorite ride?"

"Bumper cars," said Roxas after giving it some thought. "I like that it gives you that opportunity to just _crash _into people as hard as you can with no consequences."

"Violent, huh? Mine's the Downtime."

"Why?"

He'd expected her to give him some generic answer that most people would say to give themselves a false sense of being deep. Something like 'so I can watch everything down below me' or 'it's the closest I can get to the stars.' Her answer, however, took him completely off guard.

"Cause I'm scared of heights."

Roxas paused to make sure he'd heard her right. That was definitely a new one. "Your favorite ride in the park is the one that goes the highest… because you're afraid of heights?"

She nodded with a smile, "Yep. Remember your first roller coaster?"

Little did she know that he'd just been thinking of his first roller coaster ride not too long ago. The boulder dash was the first he could remember aside from like, the really small kiddie coaster. "Yeah?"

"But do you? Do you remember the adrenaline? Your heart was going so fast, wasn't it? It even burned a little, right? Your mouth got really dry, your stomach felt like it was resting in your butt and while you may not have been shaking, exactly, you were still antsy and moving around from all that extra energy. Remember all that?"

Roxas did remember. It was the same feeling he got when he was getting ready to speak in front of a class or talk to a girl he thought was pretty. In his opinion, it was not a very pleasant experience at all and couldn't imagine subjecting himself to it on purpose.

"I like the feeling after it's gone, after I've gotten back on the ground. I think to myself, 'heck yeah. I just rose up 185 feet in the air and was _dropped _at terminal velocity, and I am still A-Okay. It feels like invincibility. It only lasts a few minutes, but it's the best feeling in the world."

For someone who claimed that _he _was so difficult to figure out, Aqua was pretty damn strange.

They didn't talk for a while, aside from the occasional suggestion for a next ride to go on, and the shrug of the shoulders and 'okay' from the other party. Nobody seemed to be in a particularly picky mood. They traveled around the entire loop of the park, going from the carousel to the bumper cars to the wild cat (which they both opted _not _to go on) to the downtime, which did turn out to be lots of good fun for both parties, and then all the way around to where the swings were.

At that point they stopped to get ice cream and Aqua asked him all sorts of questions. Not particularly ones about himself, but things like his opinions on abortion, what political party he was on, and why he thought bees could fly but penguins couldn't. None of their conversations lasted very long, and Aqua had sort of gotten used to just jumping from one topic to another.

Eventually they found themselves right back from where they came; at the entrance to the water park. Still having no inclination to go swimming _or _to hunt down the other boys, Roxas and Aqua found themselves getting on the train.

"You don't mind, do you?" asked Aqua as they approached the station. "It's one of my favorite things to do here."

Roxas shook his head. After all the walking, his feet could use the break.

They sat on the train in silence until they passed a certain tree that Roxas would always remember. He chuckled to itself upon its passing.

"What?" she asked.

"It's the unlucky tree," he explained. He shook his head at her raised eyebrow, realizing how weird that sounded without any kind of explanation. So he added, "Weird stuff always used to happen around it. This one year, Axel and I were riding the train, and he dropped his cotton candy, and that tree saved it from falling into the water. Then, when we passed it again, he was gonna swoop it up but it was covered with ants. And then the year after that, a bee flew right out of it and stung him. He swears to this day he can see a mad face on it, but I still say he's full of it."

He laughed fondly at the memory, and Aqua asked, "Do you get season passes every year?"

"Nah," said Roxas, "This's our first year, and probably the last. What with us being seniors and all, we probably won't have this kind of time next year. I figure that at this point, we're too old to get really excited about amusement parks, so we might as well get tired of them. We haven't yet, though. And sometimes we go to the park to get a change. Or just stay home and play games. Or last week, we went to the skate part, cause Axel wanted to show me his new 'moves.'"

Aqua giggled a little. "Seems nice. I wish I had someone I was that close to."

"Yeah, I guess we're pretty lucky, all things considered," said Roxas thoughtfully. "We get into little squabbles all the time, but I don't think I could ever genuinely be mad at him. Plus if I ever was, he'd just give me that face he makes and I'd be a goner. Have you seen it yet? Don't judge me until you see it, trust me, it's not as easy to resist as it sounds. Sometimes I wish I were as likeable as him. But I could never pull it off like he can."

A look passed over Aqua's face that, despite how cliché it sounded, Roxas could only describe as _ding! _The light bulb practically blinked behind her lavender eyes, and her mouth was cracked open as though she'd gasped. When the ding passed, she turned to him with this great big smirk on her face. It was a crinkly, tight lipped, 'you-like-Krabby-patties-don't-you-Squidward?' smirk. He'd never seen it on her before, and it freaked him out completely.

"_What _is that look for?" he said, one eyebrow raised.

She didn't say anything, but she did begin to show her teeth. Soon she was snickering in a way which was very unladylike, and despite his confusion, Roxas couldn't help but laugh along with her.

"No, seriously. Aqua, what the hell?" he asked again.

"You _love _him! You are _totally, completely, _one hundred percent head over _heels _for Axel!" she cackled. "And it's _hilarious!"_

Roxas stopped dead. "Aqua," he said, earning a momentary glare from her for using her full name, "I came here with you so we could maybe have some _intelligent _conversation. That is friggin ridiculous. That would be like, if Ellen DeGeneres got with like, Paula Abdul or something! That's the absolute _weirdest _thing you've ever said to me, and you're the weirdest person I know! If anything, _you'd _go good with Axel."

"So you'll admit to the gay part, but not the Axel part?" she challenged.

"I'm not admitting to anything!" he huffed. "You're the one that's being all crazy!"

"Defensive, aren't we?" she muttered. "I hear Egypt's great this time of year. You should get a summer house on that one river everyone always talks about. What's it called again?"

"You mean the—" Roxas stopped. The Nile. Da Nile. Denial. He crossed his arms. "I am _not _in denial! What the heck makes you think I'd want to date someone like Axel, anyway? Even if I _did _bat for that team? Which I _don't, _by the way. I think you've been hanging out with Demyx too much. "

Not once in his life had Roxas ever had any kind of sexual inclination towards men. Not any that jumped to mind, anyway. Just the thought of shoving his dick into some hairy asshole made his skin crawl. And vice versa…well, he didn't even want to think about it.

"Don't be ridiculous, Demyx's not gay. He likes _me,_" she scoffed.

"So you do know?"

She snorted. "Of course I know. I knew before he knew. Guys aren't complicated. Once you figure them out, they're like open books. It's impossible to keep secrets from women, at least not for very long. Sometimes we act surprised for your sakes, but really, most things we've known all along."

"If you're so intuitive, how come you didn't come to your little 'epiphany' sooner?" Roxas challenged, making little quotation marks in the air to let her know that he still wasn't taking her seriously.

"I hadn't figured you out yet. Now I have," she said simply. "And youuu loove Axeeeeel," she sang, "Youlovehim, youlovehim, youlovehim. Axel and Roxy, sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!"

"I do not!" he growled. "And my name isn't Roxy. It's Roxas."

"Roxas doesn't go with the rhythm, though," she replied casually. "If you're lying to me, you don't need to, because I won't tell him. But if you're not lying, then I think you're stupid. Maybe it's just cause all men are really dense, but I just find it incredibly hard to believe that neither of you have realized it after what? Six years of being best friends? And it took me about thirty minutes. I mean, you should hear yourself when you talk about him! You're all smiles, and it's the only topic I've come up with so far that I don't need to push you to hold the conversation! Maybe, for some other people, the way you guys act is considered normal, but you aren't 'some other people.'

In your own, roundabout Roxas way, you like me. I know, because if you didn't, you wouldn't have offered to hang out with me. You would have gone into the water, hung around the shore for the most part, and then gritted your teeth for the rest of the day. But Axel, all you _do _is hang out with him. And the funny thing is, all he ever does is hang out with you too. You guys are _perfect _for each other. And, umm, actually, I wasn't gonna tell you, but before we started talking, the rumor around the staff was that you two were gay to begin with. I mean, I told them you weren't, but…yeah. Shoulda said you aren't gay _yet."_

"Enough already," Roxas groaned. "How would you like it if I kept going on to you about how much you and Demyx should be together?"

She sighed and looked away from him. Which was relieving, but it kind of felt as if she were strip-searching his soul for a while there. "Sometimes I feel like someone ought to. If I don't get a move on, someone else is gonna take him and then I'm gonna regret it."

"Huh?"

Roxas assumed that, since Aqua knew Demyx liked her and they weren't together, that she wasn't interested in him. "So you _do _like him?"

She shrugged "I guess. I don't know. Some days I do. I haven't had a relationship in years. For some reason, I can never get it right. I don't want to go down that road with Demyx. I like him too much as a person. That, and, sometimes I think I like him, but then other times, I think he's too much of a kid to be significant other material."

"Why don't you just find out?" Roxas asked, rubbing his forehead. Girls were so confusing.

"I guess I'm just scared…" she trailed off.

"Hypocrite."

Her gazed snapped back to him immediately. "How am _I _a hypocrite?"

"Well," he reasoned, "You say you're scared of heights, but they never stopped you from getting on the Downtime."

~o~

Things on Axel's end of the spectrum were slightly less awkward so far. Unlike Roxas and Aqua, he and Demyx had to zip through the water park from one attraction to the next at top speed to do everything Demyx wanted to do. Which was perfectly fine, because they both had boundless energy and no qualms against pushing people out of their way when the situation called for it.

After twenty of their more relaxing minutes, spent playing with kids on that big bucket jungle gym thing, they sprinted from slide to slide, then took a break to build a miniature sand castle on the lake shore, and then finally ended up taking the trolley all the way to the very back of the park, where the only thing waiting for them was the Thunder Rapids.

Although they were jabbering with one another nonsensically for the majority of the time anyway, it wasn't until they took their second break, this time on the Lazy River, that the conversation took a turn for something more awkward.

"…and these _big, massive _pinecones starting falling out of the trees and hitting the rood of the car all at the same time and what does she do? Pulls over, _right _in the middle of a thunder storm and starts reading. _Reading! _And I'm just all like 'we're under attack from Mother Nature and you're going to _read?_"

"You shoulda just went outside and surrendered," said Axel, grinning.

"Maybe I should have. I could have traded Aqua for my safety."

"Ah, but then think! You'd have to go all Mario on Mother Nature and go into her lair to save Aqua," said Axel, fully enjoying their ridiculous hypothetical story just as much as Demyx was. "Imagine? Demyx the musician, tromping the Pinecone Kingdom to save his princess."

Demyx turned red. "Wha-princess? Heh, no-well—I mean… we're not like a—"

"Save it," said Axel. "I already know you like her."

"You _know?" _Demyx asked, flabbergasted. In fact, his surprised was so much that he tipped from his tube and fell into the water. Axel grabbed the wall to stop himself from leaving his friend behind, but he could help but laugh at the situation.

"Please, Dem," he said as soon as he was sure Demyx could properly hear him and was paying attention. "_Everybody _knows. And if Aqua's got half a brain, she probably knows too. Ya might as well just get on with it, or get over it. She's pretty. She's not gonna be single forever."

"Says the guy who doesn't even know what he's missing," Demyx muttered.

Axel didn't hear him.

"I've an excellent idea!" Pear Hair exclaimed. "Let's change the subject!"

Recognizing the phrase from Alice in Wonderland, Axel rolled his eyes and turned his palms upward. "Okay. Makes no difference to me, but there's no avoiding the inevitable."

"Tell me what the deal is with you and Roxas," he said, adjusting in his tube.

Axel was confused. "The deal…with me…and Roxas?" he repeated. "I don't get the question. There's no deal. I already told you, we just come here to pass the time. Isn't that what season passes are _supposed _to be for? I'm not gonna waste them; they're fucking expensive."

Demyx waved a hand dismissively. "No no no no, that's not what I meant. I meant _you _guys. Tell me about _you. _What's _your _story? Like how'd you meet and all that shit?"

"I moved to the same street," said Axel. "We live round Willow Glenn. Don't know if you know where that is, it's by Max Pizza. Anyway, they're all condos. But see, he lives in a condo, but I live in a house. We're on the same street, but technically the name changes. So I'm not eligible for the community pool. But I didn't _know _that, so I just walked right in. I thought it was for the general public. The lifeguard was a real bitch, so she just tossed me out.

Now, keep in mind I was only like, eleven at the time. I didn't want to go home all dry and tell my dad what happened, so I sat outside the gate and moped for a little while. Eventually Roxas came around with his parents, and they took me in with them when I told them the situation. They used their family pass, and I was allowed in as their guest. And we've been best friends ever since."

"Is that it?" Demyx pressed.

"What do you mean?" Axel asked.

Demyx tugged his tube over so that they were closer, and he said in a quiet voice, "Well, there's this rumor going around the staff…"

"Yeah?"

"That you two,"

"What?"

"…are gay."

…

"_What!?"_

_Splash._

It was Axel's turn to fall off his tube. He came up sputtering to a laughing Demyx. It hadn't occurred to him that they'd each fallen off their tubes for the same reason.

"What the _hell, _man?" Axel shouted, surprised, but not angry. "I know that men and women can't be 'just friends' without rumors flying around about them. I get that, cause it's true. But now two _guys _can't even be friends without being fags? What the heck is happening to the world!?"

"Hormones in cows, man," said Demyx, his voice taking an uncharacteristically serious tone, "Why do you think so many people are coming out all of a sudden?"

Axel jerked his head irritably. "I don't know, because humanity's growing up a little? I figured the numbers had always been the same, but less people are afraid of what society will do to them now."

Demyx shook his head. "I'm tellin ya man, it's cause of hormones in the cows.

"Except you're forgetting…" Axel started, "ROXAS AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know!" cried Demyx defensively, "I thought maybe you two were a closet couple or something! I mean, if you are and you don't want to tell me, that's cool but judging by the face that's telling me you're ready to kill me I'd say it isn't likely. But… you never even, like, had an inkling?" his face split into a wide grin. "He likes you, man. He totally likes you."

"What makes you think I'd be in _any _guy?" Axel demanded.

Demyx gave him a cross between the 'are you serious' face and the 'I am not amused' face. "First of all: Roxas isn't _any _guy. And secondly: come on, Axel. Your hair is long, voluptuous, and bottle red. You wore a choker yesterday and your right ear is pierced."

"That was an accident!" Axel insisted. "I was thirteen when I did that and I didn't understand the concept of mirrors! I thought they were switched! Besides, nobody cares about that anymore, it's a ninety's thing. _And, _I look so stupid with short hair. It doesn't go with my face."

Demyx was unconvinced. "All right, whatever. But just because you aren't interested in men on general principal doesn't mean you can't be interested in Roxas."

"But I'm not interested in Roxas."

Pear Hair shrugged. "Okay. Makes no difference to me, but there's no avoiding the inevitable.


	4. Chapter 4

**What is THIS?! Me, updating two things in a ROW?! I know right? Shocker. Consider it a Christmas present or something. If I get really bored today, I might even put up the chapter after this. I've been trying to do Avoid the Nargles for months now, but Year Six is basically a smut drabble. And you guys know how smut gets to me. It just takes forever. Sighhh.**

**Anyway, have a GREAT Christmas everyone! Here, have a summer fic!**

* * *

Dinner was unbelievably awkward. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife, you know, that kind of tension that might as well be posted on a sign and suspended in space, because that's how obvious it was. Axel and Demyx were already there, in all their soaked, dripping glory, by the time Aqua and Roxas arrived. They all got individual meals, having grown tired of pizza, and Roxas and Axel ended up sitting on the same side of the booth to avoid eye contact.

Aside from some mumbled 'heys' and an 'it's my turn to pay' from Roxas, no one really said anything.

Roxas couldn't help but notice that not only was Aqua watching them, but Demyx as well. They wore identical grins and Roxas got the impossible idea that, somehow, they were having a telepathic conversation and just _waiting _for something to happen.

He lifted his head from his food to fix them with an unimpressed stare, but they weren't fazed by it, because little did he know that when he looked away to find the salt, _just _for a split second, Axel had also lifted _his _head up to show them a threatening cutthroat gesture.

Roxas was nervous. There wasn't any getting around that. The idea Aqua gave him was _out _there, now. It was in his head, plaguing him. And it wasn't even so much the fact that the idea existed, but the possibility that the idea wouldn't ever leave that got Roxas so worried. What if he became stuck thinking too hard on every interaction he and Axel ever had again? What if he got stuck taking extra lengths to make it look like he wasn't in love with Axel forever? That was just as trashing to their friendship as it would be if Roxas actually _were _gay.

Despite how hungry he'd been before, Roxas hardly touched his food. _Why _did Aqua have to open her big fat mouth? Things were _fine _just the way they were before.

Things were never going to go back. Things were changed that day, for good. Roxas didn't know it, but he and Axel were never going to have that easy, oblivious bromance again. He didn't know this, either, but before the end of the summer, he would find that he really didn't mind.

But for now, Roxas was still edgy and unsure, and the _last _thing he wanted to do was confront the problem. So nobody at the table talked. Demyx and Aqua weren't having that of course, which they made clear by kindly (much too kindly) excusing themselves to bring up everyone's trash for them.

Thankfully, just as soon as they were out of sight, Xion came in holding a subway sandwich and took a seat across from them.

"Hi guys!" she said cheerfully, blissfully unaware of the obvious tension. "Where are the others?"

"Probably off snogging somewhere," Axel said bitterly.

"Doubt it. Apparently Aqua's second-guessing herself too much to act on it," Roxas added, happy to gossip about the girl that was cause his poor heterosexual teenage mind so much inner angst.

Xion's face lit up. "Guys, let's set them up!" she exclaimed as though she'd discovered the cure for AIDS.

Roxas snorted at the irony, knowing all too well that Demyx and Aqua were probably discussing tactics on setting he and Axel up right now. But, on the other hand, he was itching to give them a taste of their own medicine.

"I'm up for it," said Axel deviously. That wasn't surprising. He was up for anything, most of the time. "But you're gonna have to come up with all the ideas, because I've never picked up a romance novel in my life and I've got about as much creativity as a toothpick."

Xion giggled. "How about you, Roxas?"

"Sure," Roxas agreed shortly.

"Really?" Axel and Xion asked in unison.

He raised his eyebrows. "Is it really so surprising? I'm not promising to like, shove their faces together, but I'll humor you guys and go along with it."

"You two are the best!" Xion squealed. "This is gonna be so much fun! Okay, here's what we're going to do…"

She came up with most of the ideas on the spot, but Axel and Roxas threw in a few ideas for some of the finer details, most of which were ignored anyway. Xion blabbed on and on about how nice they were for doing this for their friends and how happy they were gonna be. Roxas could care less. He just wanted to prove to Aqua that two could play at her game.

The couple didn't come back until Xion was finished with her sandwich. They weren't holding hands, smiling, blushing, or doing anything even remotely out of the ordinary, so Roxas assumed that they hadn't magically decided to get together without the help of their friends.

"Where've you two been?" Roxas asked suspiciously.

"Demyx saw something shiny," Aqua explained as if that accounted for twenty minutes' absence. Which, even for Demyx, was a stretch. Regardless, they let the topic go, but Roxas was sure that the two could spot Xion's "I am _not _plotting" face from a mile away. At least, Aqua would, anyway. She was too damn perceptive for Roxas' liking.

Xion left them then, to finish her shift, but she'd be back in a few hours to help execute the plan. See, their set up plot happened upon a rather fantastic day. Annually, on Independence Day, Lake Compounce hosted a splendid fireworks show, as aforementioned. Fireworks on the water? Pretty romantic, no?

Anyway, the remainder of the daytime was perfectly normal, aside from the increasing number of people that were showing up. When it got to the point where the _Wildcat _(everyone's all around least favorite ride) had a fifteen minute wait to it, the gang decided it would probably be best to stick to the more carnival-oriented rides, like the whirlwind and the enterprise. Bumper cars were lined up out the door so, to Roxas' dismay, they skipped that one.

The flippy floppy whirly twirly rides made Demyx sick, so for the majority of the time he waited around for them on benches, moping. Upon noticing this, Roxas and Axel hatched a little 'bonus plan.' It wasn't _really _that much of a plan, because all they had to do was catch eyes and nod to organize it, and the so called 'plan' was in motion.

"To the Zoomerang!" Axel exclaimed, taking off before anyone but Roxas could react.

"Right behind ya!" Roxas yelled, running off as fast as he could to leave the others in the dusk. He looked back to see what was happening. Aqua had feebly tried to catch up with them, but she was some fifty yards back. Demyx hadn't even stood up yet.

"We'll just wait over here," Aqua called, her voice telling him that she so had their number. _Take that. _

When they did reach the Zoomerang, huffing and puffing, Roxas and Axel did a little victory fist pound, When Axel smiled at him, however, Roxas remembered Aqua's words and consciously tried _not _to look too enthusiastic about his return smile.

Axel started climbing the stairs first, and Roxas, purely out of curiosity, took an inconspicuous peek at his friend's bum.

_Ugh. _Nope. Just a bum. Roxas, like any normal, healthy teenaged boy should, had seen plenty of nude girls in his adolescence, but any time he'd gotten a new magazine, it was general practice for him to just skip the really assy pictures and go for the other…stuff. One of the only guy things he'd never understood was butts. He felt socially retarded, because he never knew what to look for in one. They all looked the same to him, they were all just for sitting on.

Axel's was almost flat, but had just enough curve to keep his pants from looking empty. While his butt wasn't that shapely, he did, however, have very girly hips. Roxas had never noticed before. It didn't sway him one way or the other, but the fact that he was _noticing _sent a little alarm to his brain. _No, bad. What Aqua said didn't __**mean**__ anything! If she said that I had a crush on my cat, would I automatically start checking her out? No! Get the idea out of your stupid brain._

He shook his head vigorously and kept his eyes to the floor until he reached the top of the stairs. The Zoomerang was a very simple coaster. It had two high points, one to back up the coaster from the station. When it got to the top, the train was released and would go over two loop de loops. Then the train would reach the top of the second one, stop, and do the whole thing backwards. It was one of Roxas' favorite coasters in the park, because it was the one that took him the most years to get the guts to go on. It wasn't until after it got its paint job in '07 that Roxas finally decided it was high time to try it.

The line wasn't too bad today, but Roxas just couldn't find it in him to get excited about it. It was only the second time in the whole season that they'd ridden it, but he may as well have been on Mars for the amount of attention he paid. Axel was flailing his arms around and yelling like he loved to do, but Roxas didn't even smile. In fact, until the coaster was released from the top, he'd forgotten that he was about to ride one.

"What's up with you?" Axel asked when they got off. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No," Roxas answered. He shook his head quickly to bring himself back to Earth. "Guess I'm just not here today."

"Need a Pepsi?" Axel pressed.

"I'm _fine, _Axel," he insisted. "It's no big deal. Let's just go get Aqua and Demyx."

He hated this. Now he was dragging a rain cloud around with him everywhere he went. The worst part was that he couldn't even _tell _Axel about his problem, because Axel _was _his problem. It kind of made him realize how big of a baby he was for being so dependent on his friend.

When they reached Aqua and Demyx, he gave Aqua the biggest scowl he could muster. She returned it, clearly as unamused by him and he was by her.

The hours of the day seemed to drag on forever. For Roxas, it was like the sun was taunting him by taking extra long to set. Truthfully, he'd been wanting to go home for hours now, but what kind of friend would that make him? Plus, all he would accomplish by asking was a whiny Axel and then people constantly asking whether he was okay for the rest of the evening. He didn't want to feel like stick in the mud, so he did the best he could to tough it out and wait for nightfall.

Nightfall _did _come eventually, and when it did, Roxas was ready. He and gang picked a nice spot on the lawn to watch the fireworks. It was on the opposite side of the Lake from every ride but the thunder rapids, and you could get to it using the train or trolley, or just walking if you felt like it. The sun was low in the sky and getting ready to disappear when they arrived, and already it was getting crowded with people. They picked an area and threw down a bunch of hoodies to sit on, and all they had to do then was wait.

At eight o'clock, Roxas received a text from Xion asking where they were. He told her the location and minutes later, he could see her weaving through the crowd carrying a box of strawberries and five almond and chocolate-covered drumsticks, all of which just _happened _to be aphrodisiacs. What, a little push never hurt, right?

She sat down with them and passed out the drumsticks, which Aqua and Demyx accepted without a second thought.

Upon eating his, Roxas realized with smirk that he could actually work the unhappiness he'd been feeling all day to his advantage. His job was to disappear. Well, Axel and Xion shared that job, but it was his idea to go first, as soon as the fireworks started, actually. Then Axel was going to follow him to "see if he was okay" and then Xion would bust out her romantic playlist on her iphone. Of course, the first three songs weren't romantic, that would just be too obvious. After the third one though, they started getting really cute.

Before song three though, Xion was scheduled to disappear too. To get napkins for them to put their strawberries on, she would say.

Finally, finally, they announced the start of the fireworks, and it was time for Roxas to disappear.

"I'm not feeling so hot…" he muttered, in the 'mom, I can't go to school, I'm sick' voice that he'd perfected a long time ago.

"But they just started!" said Xion, going along with it.

He got up in a wobbly fashion. "'M gonna get some water," he mumbled, shuffling away from their little area.

"Well hurry back, or you're going to miss it," Xion insisted.

"I can watch it while I'm walking," he said. He made his way around all the sitting people until he was a good distance away, and then he circled back around to the opposite side of the lawn and waited for Axel to 'follow him.'

It took a while, which was to be expected. He could see the group perfectly, but he only watched them on and off. Axel wasn't supposed to get up for another ten minutes, anyway. He watched the fireworks instead. All things considered, they really were impressive. People had been advertising for Independence Day on the radio and on TV for quite some time, but Roxas had forgotten to get excited about it. He forgot to make his parents buy sparklers for the occasion or dress in red white and blue, he was too wrapped up in his own, simple little world to think about it.

He glanced over at the foursome. Demyx was bouncing and pointing like a four year old, but Aqua was grinning broadly along with him and making sure to look in the direction he was pointing in. Everyone suddenly laughed as Axel told a joke. Aqua wrapped her arms around herself and started rubbing, and was mouthing something probably along the lines of 'I'm cold.' That much was verified when Demyx got off the hoodie he was sitting on and put it round her shoulders. He wrapped one arm around her and rubbed one side of her arm affectionately and said something. Probably asking if she was feeling better. She smiled and nodded, turning her attention back to the fireworks.

Roxas frowned. He should have been feeling pleased with himself, because their brilliant evil scheme was working, but really, he just felt sad. Everyone was smiling, laughing and joking, without him. Granted, they did that when he was around anyway, so it wasn't like he was being left out of anything, but in that moment, he realized that they were probably having a lot more fun without him there. When he was there, the group was all off balanced. He frowned while everyone else laughed. He was no-nonsense Roxas in a group of carefree kids.

As off the tracks as he was, Roxas still wanted more than anything to be like them. He _wanted _to be happy, and he _wanted _to like other people, and he _wanted _to be allowed to be obnoxious without feeling like an idiot. He just didn't know how. One would think that growing up with Axel would have taught him to be a happy idiot, but he just wasn't. The gang probably only tolerated him because Axel tolerated him, and Axel probably only tolerated him because they'd been friends for so long.

The truth was, he didn't belong with them, and it made him more depressed than he realized he was capable of being.

Axel stood up finally and started walking. He turned back to them briefly and said something, gesturing behind him with his thumb. Xion waved him away, according to plan, and he gave them a little thumbs up and started jogging away. Roxas turned his attention back to the fireworks. He didn't want it to seem to Axel like he'd been waiting for him. Before long, he heard Axel's jovial voice behind him.

"How's the view from over here?" he asked, sitting next to Roxas.

"See for yourself," said Roxas, pointing to the now trio.

Axel grinned. "She started playing music before I left, and I made her give me a strawberry. I think she's getting impatient. Demyx was all for it. Look at him over there, dancing."

Roxas looked. Indeed, Demyx was bobbing his head to the rhythm, and he could swear Aqua kept inching closer and closer to him. Xion was sitting with the strawberries in her lap, eating a few at a time and alternating between looking over to Roxas and Axel, watching the fireworks, and watching the couple.

When she showed them a particularly big strawberry, Demyx pointed between himself and Aqua and then to the strawberries. He talked all the while, and Roxas could only imagine he was saying, 'Could me and Aqua get those for a while?'

That's what it looked like, because Xion handed them over and stood up, announcing that she was going to get some napkins so that they wouldn't have to pass the box around. And maybe find Roxas and Axel while she was at it. Of course, Roxas knew full well that she wasn't going to come back with napkins, and that the strawberries were probably all going to be gone by the time they all came back anyway, depending on whether the plan even worked.

For the most part, Demyx and Aqua just talked. But Roxas could spy little things, like the fact that Aqua was looking at Demyx while they talked, whereas Demyx was still watching the fireworks, and only glancing back at her occasionally. That was fine, since it was really Aqua that they needed to sway. Demyx had been a goner from the start, it was only about getting Aqua to say okay. Because it was obvious that if she didn't grow some balls and make the first move, he wasn't going to.

Xion appeared before long. "Whatcha seeing?" she asked, plopping down next to Roxas.

"Not much," said Roxas, pointing out where they were sitting. "Wish there was something we could do to give them a little nudge. I wanna get back over there before all the berries are gone."

Indeed, the berries were being demolished quickly; the box was now lying sort of diagonally because there were more 'heads' weighing down the lid than there were strawberries in the actual container part.

"We can't, guys," said Axel. "They're on their own now. It's up to them."

Xion smiled. "Yeah…"

Roxas looked back up at the fireworks. From here on out it was either swim or sink for them. He was just happy that they'd executed the plan. Because even if the plan didn't work, Aqua would at least get annoyed that they tried. And annoyance, Roxas thought, was the least she deserved.

Roxas Winters could be a very spiteful person when he wanted to be.

Eventually, Xion cried out, "Roxas, look!"

Roxas looked.

Aqua had let her head fall to Demyx's shoulder. It was her turn to watch the fireworks while he looked at her. It was obviously that he was thinking about doing something, but he couldn't seem to figure it out. Roxas was sure he'd never had a girlfriend before.

"Come on, kid, just do it already," said Axel under his breath. "Just take her hand, nice and easy."

Roxas couldn't help but agree, and he found himself thinking, _You can do it, man. Just go for it. Put your arm around her shoulders, hold her hand, lay your head over hers, I don't care, just do __**something. **__You're __**so**__ close, just grow some balls and take what's already yours._

Demyx's arm twitched, and it looked like he was going to move it. _That's it. You got it. Ease it over, nice and smooth._

Aqua adjusted against him. It looked like she was hugging the arm that she rested against while her head was still on his shoulder. _Buddy. It doesn't get more obvious than that. Just __**do it. **__So we can go back over there and gloat._

And then he did it. He wound the arm she was attached to around the small of her back. She shut her eyes and smiled. She wet her lips. She wanted it. Roxas knew she wanted it. She said something, Demyx's name probably, that made him look down at her again. She looked up at him and said something, nodding him along.

That was it. He'd been given permission. Sparks were quite literally flying through the air in tomes of red, white and blue as they kissed under the stars.

"Awwwwwwe look at them!" Xion cooed, looking positively thrilled. "It worked! Guys it worked!"

"_Yus!" _Axel whispered under his breath, doing a victorious little arm pump.

He and Roxas high fived. It was the kind that turned into a handshake upon collision. Maybe Roxas was just imagining it, but he seemed to him like they held hands for longer than usual before awkwardly letting them drop. It dawned on him then that he had not achieved anything by setting them up at all. He had not achieved comeuppance for getting his feathers ruffled and he certainly had not proved that there wasn't anything going on between himself and Axel. There _wasn't, _mind, but setting up Demyx and Aqua hadn't changed the ideas that were already out there.

"Come on, let's go back now," Roxas said tiredly. He was getting chilly and he wanted to put his hoodie back on.

Having accomplished their mission, the trio made no attempts to circle around and come back to their spot from the direction that which they left it, they simply cut through the short way. When they got a little closer they could see, to Roxas' delight, that there were still five more strawberries. Granted, they were all either overlarge, soft on one side, or slightly wrinkly, but Roxas never cared about those things, even if he himself always left them for last.

"Dibs! I get the rest of the strawberries!" Roxas shouted before the rest of them could think of it.

"Oh, no fair!" I only got one!" Axel complained.

"I didn't get any!" Roxas countered.

"I_ brought _them!"

They bickered amongst each other until they got within earshot of Aqua and Demyx. They weren't snogging anymore, thankfully. That would have been incredibly awkward. But they were holding hands, which, in Roxas' mind, signaled total success.

"You lot took your time," said Aqua suspiciously.

Roxas had been waiting for this moment. This moment spelled victory.

"Apparently we took just long enough," he sneered. Her mouth fell open in an expression of shock mixed with anger. She shut her mouth after a second and scowled, but as Roxas was sitting down he was sure he could spot her mouthing, 'thank you.'

"Gimme the strawberries," he said easily, shrugging on his sweater.

"I want them too," Axel persisted.

"You're just going to have to share," Xion reasoned, giving two to each and taking the last one for herself. Roxas wasn't pleased, but at the very least she'd given him the biggest of the bunch. "Two down…" she muttered, before taking her place next to Aqua and chatting amiably with her about the entire setup. Demyx just sat there grinning, talking only when he had to swear he'd taken no part of the setup.

_Two down… am I the only goddamn person left here who thinks that Axel and I aren't meant for each other?! _Roxas thought angrily. _With Aqua and Demyx it was different, cause they already liked each other. This isn't like that. They all need to just mind their own fucking business. _

He ate his strawberries aggressively. They were sweet and delicious.

The finale started, and Axel shifted himself so that he wasn't sitting on his knees anymore. He was sitting cross legged now, and as a result, his thigh was pressed up against Roxas'. He didn't seem to mind in the least, but to Roxas, it was the only thing he could focus on. Try as he might to get absorbed in all the flying colors, his mind kept going back to the contact. Was Axel just a touchy person? These were minute details he'd never bothered to consider before. As far as he was concerned, they acted like two guy friends should. But what did he know? Axel was the only guy friend he had that he ever really hung out with. He had plenty of friends in school, but none that he saw outside of school or school activities. He was just socially awkward that way.

Bursts of applause and cheering signaled that the show was over. Hundreds of people were all trying to exit the park at the same time, so it took quite some time for the group to get walking at a semi normal pace. At this point, Roxas was tired, and didn't much feel like moseying as he had done all day. He wanted to get out, and go home, away from Aqua and Demyx and their lovey happy thing they had going, and he wanted to get away from Axel, and away from Xion too.

The train wasn't running anymore, so they had to walk. Aqua and Demyx walked ahead of them, hand in hand and chattering happily like everything was right in the world. And for them, it was. Xion walked just enough behind them for people to know that they were a trio, but it was obvious that she was now just a third wheel.

Roxas and Axel hung back, which really wasn't very out of the ordinary for them. Roxas had to rack his brain and double check that it wasn't, though. Then he remembered that that's what they did all day, every day. He woke up between eleven and twelve, ate something, got his shower, and watched something on Netflix while he waited for Axel to show up and beep for him. Then they hung out all day, and sometimes, all night too. Roxas had never considered there to be anything out of the ordinary about that routine. Were they really _too _close for most people to believe that they were just friends?

At any given time, Roxas carried one of two opinions about himself. The first was positive, because he could pin some things on his personality and not have to worry about dealing with certain social obligations. The second was negative. Often he'd get irritated with himself for being socially awkward because he simply didn't _understand _people. During times like those, he hated himself for not liking people, because when one doesn't like people, one becomes very lonely.

Right now, Roxas was feeling both. He was grateful for his aloofness, because it gave him the excuse to tune out of Axel's constant jabbering. Chances were that the redhead already knew he was only half listening, and would probably repeat whatever it was he had to say some other time. They understood each other like that.

But Roxas was also _extremely _frustrated, because he really could not see where everybody else was coming from. Didn't everyone have that one person that they didn't need to hide anything from? Didn't everyone have someone that _knew _them, inside and out, that they just didn't get sick of? Wasn't that what being best friends was?

He was thinking so hard that he didn't even realize when the group'd finally exited the park. He hadn't noticed that he and Axel had parted ways with the others, and it hadn't registered to him that they'd gotten into Axel's dad's car, until Axel snapped his fingers loudly in front of his face.

"Huhwha?" he said stupidly, looking wildly back and forth for some kind of threat.

"I can _hear_ your brain working," said Axel. "It's been going all day. I don't know what Aqua did to you, but ever since we met up for dinner you've been acting weird." Drat, after all that work he'd been doing to act natural. "So are you going to tell me what your problem is, or do I have to beat it out of you?"

_Shit…_ he was going to have to think of some lie to tell Axel fast, because he didn't past the redhead to beat him until he surrendered, or worse, tickle him. Not only would that be more contact than Roxas was sure was normal to be having, but he knew that he would surrender _something _eventually, and he really didn't want it to be the truth.

"I'm uh, not feeling good," he said pathetically.

"Bullshit," said Axel. "You ate your drumstick faster than the rest of us and you argued with me the whole way over who was going to get the strawberries. I know what you look like when you're sick, Roxas, and I promise you, you're not sick."

"Just because I'm not sick doesn't mean I'm not feeling good!" said Roxas defensively. It was the truth, anyway. "I just feel like crap right now. Ever just have those days that you wish you weren't around to see? That you just want to go to bed and sleep through? Today was that day. I didn't _mean _it, I didn't _try _to be a stick in the mud, it _just, happened."_

He rubbed his hand over his face as if that was going to help the tension building behind his eyes. "I wasn't planning on ruining anyone's day with my boring ass and I know I don't _really _belong with you guys and I'm _sorry _if the realization that I'm no fun is turning me into a pathetic weenie."

Axel laughed out loud. "I'm sorry," he said in response to Roxas' arm crossing and unhappy look. "But you said weenie. I couldn't help it. Anyhow, _I _don't think you're boring. And if Aqua said you were boring and that's why you're going all Eeyore on me, I'm gonna kick her in the vagina."

"Aqua didn't _say _anything!" Roxas lied insistently.

"Well, I sent a moderately happy Roxas to her, and I got back a Roxas that's 'not feeling good.' Which can only lead me to assume she said something to you to make you think that you're boring or don't belong with us or any of the other ridiculous things you just said."

"But she didn't, so just drop it," said Roxas, dropping his head against the window.

He knew by Axel's expression that this wasn't the end of it. Not even close. But they'd pulled up to Roxas' house, and Roxas didn't want to discuss it anymore. He got out of the car as quickly as he could, ignoring the concerned and possibly slightly hurt expression Axel was wearing.

"Thanks, see you tomorrow," he muttered, like he did every night that Axel took him home. He didn't look back as he walked into the house, more than ready for some nice, quiet, Roxas-time, where no one asked him whether he was okay or whether he was in love with Axel or why he was a social turd. Because the truth was, he couldn't answer any of them anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi, everyone. Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhatg uesswhat!? I got an internship as a Conceptual Design Artist for a local indie gaming company! I was invited like, out of the blue by this guy who thought I was a beast at drawing! I'm sosososososososososososo excited! So yeah, how was your Christmas?**

**You'll have to excuse the Doctor Who cameo in this chapter; originally I wasn't going to keep it but fuck it, I was too lazy to change it. You don't need to watch the show to understand, really. Just like, google image what Daleks look like or something. Also, I apologize in advance for probably **_**trashing **_**the Spanish language by using google translate and also: I've never met Bristol Eastern High School's Spanish teacher, so please don't take offense to any rude things said about her; I'm sure that in life she's a lovely lady.**

**Have a fantastic New Year! Be safe, don't drink too much, and I'll see you in 2013!**

* * *

Tired as he was, Roxas didn't end up going bed right away that night. He _tried, _for about ten minutes, but his brain function was the equivalent of a snowy TV screen on crack and he absolutely could not get his heart to stop racing. He tried pacing around his room without his light on for a few minutes, but that only resulted in tripping over laundry and banging of the head. Unfortunately, it didn't knock him out.

He ended up just giving up thinking at that point, and laid down in bed to watch Doctor Who on Netflix. He couldn't have told you what time he fell asleep, but he'd knew he got through at least six episodes before finally drifting off to oblivion.

Roxas had a very strange dream last night. Strange enough, anyway, for him to remember it the next morning. It started with running, as Roxas' dreams often did. It was common enough for him, that at that point he _knew _he was dreaming, and would end up either being chased off a cliff—which would then result in a splat on the ground in a very unpleasant and jolting awakening—or he would soar through the air, and eventually forget that he was dreaming until the next morning.

Oddly enough, however, he encountered no cliffs at all. Cliffs, you see, didn't exist in thirteenth century London. The location wasn't said aloud, but that's what Roxas recognized it to be. He _was _being chased, by something green, and something foreign. He could see something in the distance; a blue police call box. His conscious self would have rolled his eyes.

But he wasn't conscious, he was still dreaming, and his dreamer self had no idea that the sounds and ideas going through his head were still mixed with the still-running TV program. He had no idea that the English female voice shouting, "Doctor?! _Doctor!?" _didn't belong to him, and his dreamer self was scared.

When he reached the TARDIS, his shut himself inside immediately, but it didn't look like the interior of a public call box, which was to be expected. But it didn't look like the interior of a space-time travelling vessel, which _was not _to be expected. It looked like he'd simply walked through a door to Lake Compounce. This part of the dream was in black and white, which reminded Roxas ominously of the Twilight Zone.

The park was exactly how he knew it to be. All of the latest attractions were there, and they were all running exactly as they should be. The only problem was, there was nobody around to operate them. Nobody, human nor otherwise. All the sounds of park music and game stations and operated rollercoasters could be heard, but the buzz of hundreds of people was absent, leaving the silence almost chilling. How the rides were running, Roxas couldn't see. But since he'd come from the TARDIES, the only explanation was that the Doctor or some other alien had something to do with it.

"Uh… Doctor?" he asked, feeling a bit stupid. His voice was back to its normal tenor. The name sounded weird coming out of his mouth. He turned around; there was no TARDIS to go back to. "Doctor, are you there?"

He got no response, so he took to wandering around, looking for _anyone. _The silence was too pressing for him, it filled up his mind, more like white noise than the absence of sound. Eventually he stopped calling for the Doctor and stuck with just a general call for human life at all.

A giant dalek fell from the free- fall sky coaster, but of course that wasn't anything unusual. Its piercing cries of "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" were just more amusement park sounds. It swung back and forth like a pendulum long after it should have been taken down. Right, because there were no people around to help. Roxas considered it, but he didn't much feel like being vaporized, come to think of it. He shrugged and pressed on.

"Where _is _everyone?" he said aloud, spotting the little diner style ice cream shop. With a devious little smirk coming on, Roxas entered the shop. Everything there was still running too, freezers, fudge heaters and all. He took advantage of the emptiness and helped himself to some black raspberry ice cream. "I'm about to eat this iiiiiiiice creeeeeam without paaaaaaaying!" he shouted. "Helloooooo!? Isn't anyone going to come out and stop me!?"

As much as he was looking forward to eating said ice cream, he never ended up reaching it. The dream morphed, leaving him trapped beneath rubber and foam strappings as he rose higher and higher up the downtime. _Oh. DUH. _Why hadn't he thought of that before? With all the height the downtime could get, he'd have dozens of times the range for scouting people. Yet even at the very tippy top, he still found _no _signs of people. The parking lot, however was full to the brim with vehicles. Roxas had just enough time to consider how odd that was before he dropped.

He screamed as loud as he could, not in terror, but to see just how loud he could get. He quit screaming on rides when he was thirteen, simply because he'd gotten too old for such nonsense, but never before had he tried screaming as loud as his vocal chords would allow. He'd always wanted to, though, but never did, in fear that someone else would hear him and think something wrong. It was a very unmanly scream, the kind that came from your throat, not your larynx. It echoed and echoed in the little mountains and over the water, but it drew no attention to Roxas. None that he could see, anyway.

The ride let him off promptly after landing, and a computerized voice even wished him a pleasant day. He got off, albeit hesitantly, because he wasn't sure how much time he had before it went up again. It turned out that he had plenty of time; in fact he had gotten his sandals back on and was headed for a safer high-up ride—the Ferris Wheel—before the downtime shot up again.

"Why is everybody gone!?" he screamed to no one.

"It's because of the pomegranates," came a serene, unexpected response.

The pomegranates. Of _course. _Of course the pomegranates had been behind it all along. How could Roxas have forgotten such a simple solution?

"O- Oh, I knew that," said Roxas, feeling embarrassed for his lack of knowledge. He turned around to face his newly found companion. It was Axel. "Hey!" he said happily, glad that he'd not only found another person, but a friend. "What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see someone, but isn't it time to water the rabbits?"

"There's an invasion of daleks," said Axel, pointing over to where the dalek Roxas had seen before was still swinging lamely from the sky coaster. "They stomped on my garden."

"Oh…" said Roxas, "Sorry…"

Axel smiled wide, teeth showing. "Ah, don't worry about it. I've just started a new one of raccoons—"

And then they were kissing. Just like that. No prompting, no explanation, no nothing. And, most horrifying of all, no resistance. Not from either party. It was like they both decided at the same time that it was time to make out. And make out they did. What was most surprising of all was how _easy _it was. There was a lazy kind of sensuality to it, which became gradually more heated once they had an easy rhythm.

Okay. There was a guy's tongue rolling around in his mouth. And… well, it was really quite enjoyable, in fact he enjoyed it immensely. He liked it enough to weave his hands through that familiar red hair (though in the dream it was still grey) and kiss him the way _he _wanted to.

It wasn't something he questioned, as one never questions the important aspects of dreams while they're still having them. He didn't wonder, when his eyes finally fluttered open, why they were no longer standing in Lake Compounce at all, but in Axel's laundry room. He didn't wonder why his stupid brain programmed them to be in the laundry room instead of somewhere more suitable, like Axel's bedroom, three doors down. _Why _wasn't the question here.

The question was what. _What _Axel's mouth tasted like (funnel cake, fittingly) and especially what he could _do _with it. Kissing _alone _was getting Roxas very hot and bothered; he shuddered to think of the damage that tongue could do when set to other places.

As soon as Roxas recognized the yearning, things escalated very quickly. Axel hoisted him up onto the washing machine, and Roxas parted his legs for his friend to fit between them and get closer. Bodies pushed together, Axel attacked Roxas' neck with little bites and licks, rather than going back for another make out session. Meanwhile, they explored each other. Roxas squirmed and moaned under the gorgeous hands trailing over his body, but he wasn't exactly innocent, either. He'd never touched Axel, or any guy, or any _person _for that matter, as intimately as he was now. It was new, exciting, empowering even. It was _hot. _He took his time in feeling up all the intimate places, paying attention to every little shudder and groan he received.

Axel didn't say much, but they were unbelievable in tune. Roxas wanted his shirt off, Axel took it off for him. Roxas wanted Axel's lips back, he got them with a burning _vengeance. _He rolled his hips forward, and after the heated sensations he got in return, it didn't take Roxas long to figure out what he _really _wanted, and he was well on his way to getting it. The steamy, passionate kisses only got hotter as Axel stroked his tongue all over, matching his hips with shallow thrusts.

Roxas was going crazy. What little mind he had to begin with was fading away _fast, _and every active part of his brain was zeroing on one thought:

_Yes. Fuck yes, please, please let me come. Almost there…_

Roxas bolted upright, breathing hard and drenched in chilling sweat, as were the sheets around him. He was alone, in his bed, and he had some unfinished business to attend to. So, without really _considering _the events of the dream, without realizing its contents, and without even _remembering _that something _very creepy _just happened, he did what he always did when he had a sex dream. He fell back onto the pillows, masturbating furiously without even _trying _to hold out until he got his orgasm.

When he finished, his thoughts weren't exactly clear (who'd expect them to be?) but if his thinking stream came with words, it would have gone something like: _well, glad that's over. Jeez, what time is it? _A quick pause to check his clock. _Four twenty one!? Fuck this shit, I'm going back to sleep. Wish these dreams would actually finish on their own instead of leaving me to do all the…_

Then it hit him. He'd just had a sex dream about Axel. Axel! Dry fucking on a _washing_ machine, no less. Roxas was never going to be able to look the same at that washing machine again. Come to think of it, he probably wouldn't be able to look at Axel the same way again, either.

He wasn't sure which emotion was most prominent: horror, shame, or fear. The horror, of course, because he'd just had sex with his best friend in his dreams, and the shame because not only had he masturbated to it, but he'd _finished, _and it wasn't half bad either. That's fucking creepy. But he was _scared _too. Scared, because what if it meant something? What if it turned out to _not _be just a clusterfuck of TV, Aqua's dumb opinions, and his pent up teenage hormones? What if she really was right?

If Aqua was right, and Roxas had—gulp—feelings for Axel, then only one of two things could happen. Option one: he would know it, and dwell on it, and live with it for god knows how long until their friendship eventually crumbled. That sounded like a whole lot of torture, especially since could take _years _for their friendship to give out. Option two: by some preposterous turn of events, they could actually get together. But that would mean not only acknowledging a change in sexuality to himself, but to his mom, and dad, and his _grandma; _his friends, the kids at schools, and stupid Aqua's smug ass. He'd have to accept a whole new, very emasculating identity, and that was way more than anything he wanted to consider at four twenty four in the morning.

He really hoped that the dream didn't mean anything, because neither option seemed favorable in his opinion. No, he would just got to the park with Axel tomorrow, do the same things that he did every day, and everything would go back to normal. Nothing had to change. Sometimes odd stuff like this happened, right? Nothing needed to change…

He repeated the lie to himself until, in time, he managed to fall back to sleep. This time, thankfully, he had no dreams.

~o~

"Hey Roxas, do you want to go get some coffee with me after I'm done with my shift?"

Roxas stared, disbelieving. He and Axel were _just _about to drive away from Xion's tollbooth, and she had to drop _that _on him? Maybe when she'd said _two down, _she wasn't really referring to he and Axel after all. He'd never really considered Xion. She was had always been just there. He wondered if she's been trying to drop hints to him and he was just too dumb to notice, or if she really was just trying to be friendly.

Nevertheless, if nothing else it did provide a most useful opportunity to get his thoughts straight, pun intended. Xion was nice, cute; maybe a date was just the thing he needed to escape the tormenting thoughts of being gay, at least for a little while.

"Uh, yeah, sure," he said, trying to smile kindly at her. She beamed.

"Awesome! I'll see you at five, okay?"

Roxas nodded, "It's a plan."

He'd meant to say 'It's a date,' but for some reason the words decided not to come out that way. When the windows were safely rolled up and he and Axel were headed toward their usual parking spot by the back, Axel started nudging him playfully. "Hey? Hey? Look at _you, _stud muffin. You lookin to get laid, you think?"

Roxas was about to defensively deny the statement, but then he remember that he was supposed to be acting as straight as possible. And almost every straight guy he knew (including himself) wanted to get laid _all _the time. So he put on a coy little grin and turned it in Axel's direction. "Maybe."

"Oooh," said Axel, punching him in the arm. It looked like he was going to say more, but he didn't. They left the conversation at that.

In truth, Roxas hadn't really thought about Xion sexually at all. Well, he _had, _when they were first getting to know each other better, but that could be blamed on male hormones. Aside from the preliminary checking out that each and every female went through, he'd never gone any further with the imaginary undressing. She had become more or less like a little sister to him. He felt the want to protect her from things like her family and her illness, but he didn't want to _do _her.

He cleared his throat nervously. The fact that he'd featured Axel in a sex dream before and/or instead of Xion did not bode well for his mental state, that was for damn sure.

Throughout the day, Roxas tried his best to act like everything was normal. He rock – paper – scissored with Axel over who was going to get them sodas (he lost), he play argued over which rides they were going to go on, and he even bitched for a while over the insanely high prices of dippin dots. To most, that wouldn't count for much, but for Roxas, that was code for exceptionally good mood.

Demyx and Aqua were their usual selves, apart from their newfound clinginess to one another. It got a bit annoying after the first ten minutes of it, but Roxas knew that he was in no position to complain. He'd done just as much to help set them up as the rest of them, so he supposed he deserved the consequences.

Xion said nothing about their coffee date. She didn't talk to him more than she normally did, or bat her eyelashes, or do anything like that at all. She was her normal friendly self, causing Roxas to wonder whether she'd really meant anything by asking him out at all. The only reference she'd even made to it was a brief yelp of 'five o'clock, don't forget!' on her way out.

When he and Axel, alone once again, got on the Thunder N' Lightning, Roxas decided that girls were just too fucking complicated. It was just like with Aqua; why couldn't they ever just have a _clear _answer? And they _wondered _why their men didn't understand them. If they'd just explain themselves now and then, maybe men wouldn't always be so confused. Why couldn't they be more straightforward? Why couldn't they be clearer? Why couldn't they be more… like guys…?

Roxas growled furiously to himself, but thankfully, no one could hear him over the sounds of the ride. The Thunder N' Lightning was pretty much a one hundred foot tall, oversized, electronic swing set. To Roxas, it was like a toilet. It was relaxing, and while one's time on it may be short, one always seems to come up with the most ideas while on it. Not that Roxas was very pleased with any of the ideas he'd been having lately.

Axel still hadn't picked up on anything, as far as Roxas could tell. But telling was hard, since usually the redhead would simply _say _anything and everything he was thinking, whether Roxas wanted to hear it or not.

"Let's go on the Wildcat," said Axel. This is one example of something he would say that Roxas would _not _prefer to hear.

Built in 1927, the Wildcat was a white, wooden coaster around which the rest of the park was built. It was as generic a wood coaster as any, but it was undoubtedly the number one most painful thing to ride in the park. To this day, Roxas was convinced that _nobody_ actually enjoyed riding the Wildcat as much as they all just kept it around for sentimental reasons.

"Nooo," he whined. "Come on, Axel, I'd rather go on the _Ferris Wheel _than the Wildcat."

"What's the matter?" Axel challenged, grinning a grin that bore his perfectly straight, white teeth. "Too big of a pansy to brave the big bad Wildcat? I'd have thought you'd _want _to go on it, since you're a great big PUSSY."

Stupid dares like that always worked on Roxas. He scowled. "Why would you want to go on that anyway?" he demanded, "It hasn't been good since like, the fifties, or so legend has it."

"I never believed in fairy tales," said Axel lazily, waving an arm. "Come on, I want to find out if it's as bad now as it was five years ago."

"Bet it's worse," Roxas scoffed. "But you're not going to give up until I give you what you want, are you?"

"You know me so well!" Axel exclaimed happily, taking hold of his wrist, "Well come on, then, let's go!"

Roxas allowed himself to be towed by the wrist by a much too over eager hyper active Axel. People were looking at them, but Roxas shrugged it off. Apparently half the park, including their own friends, already thought they were gay anyway so whatever. It was only going to get worse no matter what Roxas tried to do about it.

The Wildcat, as it turned out, had not improved in the slightest over the last five years. That was the last time Roxas and Axel had been brave enough to try it out, and keep in mind, that was when they were much smaller and had not yet had their growth spurts.

Now, not only had the wood deteriorated even more, causing the ride to be even bumpier than ever, but the boys had grown, too. They were crammed tightly into each other within the car before the ride even began. Axel's bony hips provided nothing for cushioning, either.

Roxas was sure by the time he got off the ride that he was going to have bruises on his hips, thighs, and shoulders, and his legs were aching something fierce.

"Ugh, maybe you were right," said Axel, massaging his thighs regrettably. "My curiosity is satiated. Let's go on the carousel."

"Of course I was right, I'm always right," Roxas snarled, unimpressed. "Why would we go on the carousel?"

"Because that's where Aqua is working today," said Axel simply, "Not to mention as long as you pick one of the coaches, it takes little to no effort or strain on your legs."

That was good enough for Roxas. The carousel was very close to the Wildcat, anyway. In fact, it was the closest ride in the park to it, which was very good for Roxas' aching legs. Hopefully Aqua would let them ride for multiple times in a row so they wouldn't have to get up and go around every time.

She didn't see them right away, but when she did, she instantly became overcome with a fit of giggles. Even when the mic came on and she had to tell them to "wait for the ride to come to a complete stop" and all that nonsense, she could hardly get her words out.

"What's your problem?" Roxas grumped.

"Ch'you two are walking funny," she laughed, leaning over the rail of her station. "What have _you _been _up _to?"

Roxas could feel himself going red at the ears, but Axel didn't catch the reference. Roxas and Aqua waited for understanding to cross his face. "We were on the Wild Cat you perv!" he shouted when he finally figured it out. "And we are sore. Which is where you come in."

"Hop on," she said, smirking and offering Roxas a little wink. He stuck his tongue out at her when he knew Axel wasn't looking. He was more grateful to her than he was irritated, though, because she did let them ride for as long as they wanted, and throughout she didn't make any further suggestions concerning himself and Axel.

They rode around and around for half an hour, chatting with one another and shouting obscenities towards Aqua each time they passed her. The latter was short-lived, though, as after the first ride they received a very stern talking to from an angry mother of twins.

At four, they got in line for the Ghost Hunt. By Roxas' reckoning, they'd be out of there by four-thirty, and then they could start moseying their way to the exit.

Roxas' reckoning was wrong. He and Axel had forgotten: today was Saturday, the absolute busiest day of the week. And four o'clock? Height of the business day. _And _it was a nice day out. The line took almost 45 minutes, leaving them almost fifteen minutes late. The ride wasn't _that _far from the entrance, but they had to jog in their attempts to make it to the front on time. Axel went with him, saying that there really wasn't much of a point in staying without Roxas. Xion was waiting for them, seated on a little wooden post.

"Sorry I'm late," Roxas apologized as soon as they were within earshot. "Me and Axel got held up at the Ghost Hunt."

"Totally understandable," she said with an honest smile.

Axel bounced on his toes a couple of times, before offering them an awkward little wave. "Well, I'm going to get going," he said, "Have fun, you two."

"Thanks, bye!" said Xion cheerily, waving back to him.

"See you…" said Roxas quietly. He'd forgotten to consider that part. He was going to be with Xion… just the two of them… alone. There wouldn't be any Axel there to save him from awkward conversation. Or just from conversation in general. He was on his own. Super.

Xion seemed just delighted. "The staff parking is down there," she said, pointing to the area Roxas thought was only for drop -offs. "It's nice and close. Come on."

Roxas followed her, and thankfully she did not try to hold his hand. _Go on a date, they said, _he thought bitterly, _It will be fun, they said… okay, shut up. It's not going to be bad. This is fine. It's just __**coffee. **__It's not like we're going out to some five star restaurant or anything. _

He wasn't sure which car to look for, but she stopped at a cute, red little Volkswagen bug. Roxas wondered idly whose name it was under. The front seat was nice and clear for him, but a quick peek at the back (blame his paranoia) revealed a plethora of plastic bottles, books, papers, and even some clothes. He couldn't help but wonder also whether she'd cleared the front specifically for him, or if she just didn't store things there to begin with. The only clutter visible in the front at all were two little dice, a furry spider, and a little Egyptian figurine hanging from the rear view mirror.

"Sorry about the mess," she said lightly. "The doohickeys used to be my mom's, except for Isis. She keeps me from having accidents. _That," _she pointed to the stack of papers in the back seat, "is what's left of my Spanish notes."

Roxas did laugh at that. Eastern high school's Spanish teacher was notorious for giving long, tedious, and extensive notes. "No era muy malo," he said with a perfect accent. _It was not that bad._

"I've forgotten pretty much anything since the final," she confessed. "I wasn't really planning on learning it."

"My grandma is Spanish," said Roxas, "on my Mom's side. She doesn't know English very well, so she raised the rest of the family to know both."

"You're bilingual?" she asked, amazed. "But you look so… white."

He snorted. "I am white. So is the rest of my family. But my grandmother is actually from Spain. We're all just that nice to her."

"No kidding! Say something in Spanish!" Of course. The question everyone always asks.

"Cuando la gente me pregunta eso, no puedo pensar en algo que decir," he said flatly.

"What's that mean?"

"I never know what to say when people ask me that," he said. That's what he said every time. He wished people would ask him to say something more specific from time to time. It was part of the reason he never really told people.

"That's so neat," she said in awe. "I wish I was bilingual. What's it like? Do you think in two different languages?" All typical questions. Maybe Xion wasn't really as interesting as Roxas originally thought.

He shrugged. "I can't say. I've been bilingual my whole life. I think in English, for the record. Unless I've spent the day with my grandma or something, cause I only have to speak it around her. It _is _convenient when the spiks at school talk shit on me, though. Or like last week, these two Puerto Rican girls were standing behind me and Axel in line, and they were talking completely openly about sizing up his junk. I turned around and was like 'don't worry ladies, you're not missing anything special' in their own language. It was great, you should have seen his face when I told him what we were talking about.

He and Xion talked like that for the entire ride. Which really wasn't saying too much, because in Bristol, there was either a McDonalds or a Dunkin Donuts on every street corner. The closest to Lake Compounce used to be across from ESPN, but it was closed (who ever heard of a McDonalds closing!? Roxas had wondered when it happened), so that extended their ride a bit. Roxas wasn't sure where they were going until they got there, and that made him slightly nervous.

But he chatted politely with her until they pulled into the Dunking Donuts across from the Aldi on Middle Street. Roxas frowned, but didn't say anything. He'd never had the best of luck there, when it came to _anything. _Aside from them always getting his order wrong, he always seemed to lose something there, be it his wallet, a hoodie, a friendship, or a great number of other things. He wondered what it would be today, if something did happen.

They didn't get his order wrong this time, though. He could they? He'd ordered the most boring thing on the menu: a black coffee and a plain glazed donut. Boring, just like him. He'd offered to buy, and then Xion offered to stamp on his food. He shut up and let her pay.

"Yuck, how can you drink that?" she asked in disgust, wrinkling her nose for further dramatics.

"Oh, well it's easy," he said, putting on his know-it-all-asshole voice. "Just sip and swallow."

She smacked his arm. "You know what I mean."

"S'not really that bad," he said. "Black coffee makes you grow taller."

"Hate to break it to you, angel, but you might want to try a new method, cause that's not working," she said with a laugh. "And anyway, I heard coffee stunts your growth, not the other way around." Roxas flipped her off.

"Say Xion?"

"Uh huh?"

"Why did you ask me out?"

He wished he hadn't asked in such a way, because she started to go pink, and he could immediately see that he'd made her uncomfortable. "O –oh," she said once she'd gathered herself, "Well I mean, I guess I wanted to get to know you better. Cause like, you're really nice to me, but you're so mysterious, I wasn't sure if you were, you know, interested in me." She bit her lip. "Because I'm kind of interested in you. But…"

"But…?"

"But you aren't interested in me, are you?"

He shook his head, almost despairingly. He _wanted _himself to be interested in her. "No, sorry. I wanted to give it a shot though, just to see, but… no. I don't think so. Sorry…" he added again. He was too socially awkward to know how to handle situations like this.

Xion smiled weakly. "It's okay. I talked to Aqua about it before I asked you, and she told me that you were already taken."

"Meddlesome bitch," he growled. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. "I'm sorry. Don't tell her I said that. I'm _not _taken. She has this dumb idea in her head that she _wants _me to be taken but it's not _like _that and I _told _her that and I wish she'd just stop with the whole thing and drop it because now I'm not even sure anymore!"

He huffed and bit aggressively into his donut, as if it were the fried pastry's fault.

"I don't know any of the details," Xion began sadly, "Because Aqua said they weren't hers to tell. But if you tell me, maybe I could help you out. Maybe I'm not cut out to be your…um, significant other, but you can still tell me about your problems. I won't tell anyone else if you don't want."

Roxas considered it. Actually _telling _Xion about his problem would make it real. And he didn't want it to be real. That was the last thing he wanted. "Okay…" he agreed, at last. "Don't have much to lose anyway… all right. Aqua keeps telling me, or more like inferring, you know, that I've got this giant crush on Axel. And I was like no, I mean why would I? I'm not gay. I went my whole teenage life without the slightest inclination towards men, ever."

Xion nodded attentively, urging him to go on.

"But she isn't giving up. I don't get why she has her heart set on the two of us together, but she does. She acts like she has us all figured out, but how can that be? I don't even have _myself _figured out," he ranted. It felt good to get everything out.

Xion made a half smile, half grimace. "It's really down to you and Axel," she said after some consideration. "If you don't want something like that, why should it matter if she says otherwise? She doesn't control what happens, so there's really no point in fretting about something that hasn't a chance of happening."

"But I didn't even tell you the worst part…" he said miserably. "Last night I… I… I can't believe I'm telling you this. I had a dream, and it was one of _those _dreams, if you catch my drift. I was with… him. And that's not even the worst part about the worst part. When I woke up I… you know…"

"Wha—oh. _Oh._" She smirked. "Was he good?"

"Well I mean… maybe, but _that's not the point!" _he growled, glaring. "I spent the better half of my life _checking out girls _with him! Like we sit on benches and pick out the hot ones! That's my best friend! You don't go through your entire puberty with someone and then decide out of the blue that you have feelings for them! That's not how it works!"

"Maybe for you it does," she said. "Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to convince you of anything, but would the world stop and explode if you liked your best friend? Nothing even needs to happen! He doesn't need to know. I like guys all the time, but sometimes I just wait for myself to get over them instead of telling them. But I have a feeling that even if you told Axel, he wouldn't really mind. I think he'd kind of just be flattered. You could probably getting away with telling him the dream part even and passing it off as a jokey kind of thing, just to test the waters."

Roxas was so confused. What was all this about testing waters? He didn't _like _Axel. He just had a homogay wet dream about him, that's all! And all that stuff that Aqua said, but still! This is why he didn't get girls. This wasn't a middle ground question here, it was either yes or no. "But I'm not sure if I want to test the waters."

She rolled her eyes. "Roxas you don't understand. You're never going to come to a decision if you don't experiment a little. If you go your entire life eating vanilla ice cream, of course it's going to be your favorite. But if you don't try chocolate, how can you be so sure you won't like it better?"

"I think there's a little more to deciding my sexuality than that," said Roxas, crossing his arms.

"Maybe so, but do you honestly think it's gonna just go away if you keep avoiding it?"

"Seems to work just fine on my mom. What side are you on, anyway?!" Roxas growled. "First you say wait, now you say go; I have no clue what to do or what to think. This _scares _me. It really scares me because I hate people, but I don't want to risk losing my only friend because I hate being alone more."

Xion looked like she was going to cry.

"Is that what you think?" she said quietly, anger quickly leaking into her voice. "You think you have no other friends? Because it's _not true, _alright!? Me and Demyx, and Aqua too, we all _care_ about you, and each other. Look at you! You think you have it so damn hard! Well you hate being alone so let people in. None of us are out to get you, and neither is Axel."

Roxas stared. It felt like his stomach had just deflated completely. He wanted to just crawl into a cave and shrivel up. Not only had he lost confidence in himself to talk to Axel, he'd also upset the only other person he thought he might be able to confide in. What a goddamn selfish person Roxas Winters could be.

"That's not what I think," he muttered finally, hanging his head. "I only told you those things because you asked me to. And because I trust you. I didn't mean to whine or gripe, and I really don't think I have it any harder than the next confused teenager." He looked up to meet your eyes. "And you are my friend. I wouldn't have come out with you, or even talked to you if you weren't."

"…Okay," she said. "So I've got an idea, and it requires little to no effort on your part."

"Kay?"

"Has Axel ever had a girlfriend?"

Roxas had to think about it. "Define 'girlfriend.' Axel keeps a lot of female company during school hours, any number of them might consider themselves his girlfriend."

"Any _exclusive _girlfriends," she clarified.

"Maybe one or two," he said, crinkling his eyebrows. "Oh yeah! There was this one girl, sophomore year, that he went out with for like a month. It was really sappy and gross, he was like, convinced that she was going to marry him. Then she left him for some asshole with ear gauges."

She nodded him along. "Does he get jealous?"

"_Oh _yeah. Talk about your understatement of the centur—wait, what are you getting at?"

Xion smirked a mischievous, devious smirk. "You and me…" she began, pointing between herself and Roxas, "Are gonna _date._"

"Huh? Xion, I _already _told you—"

"No, no, no, not for real," she insisted. "Please, I know better than to try something like that on you _twice. _Okay so listen. You and me are gonna _pretend _to date. I'll start giving you rides home sometimes and well, you know, hold hands and stuff like that—"

"So basically you want me… to try and make Axel… like, jealous?" he asked.

"No, _no. _I just want you to see if he _gets _jealous," she said cheerily. Oh, excuse his mistake. "You know, you could blow off one of those little sleepovers you guys like to have and "hang out" with me, that sort of thing. You gotta be sneaky though. Subtlety is key, got it?

"If you say so," Roxas mumbled. He wouldn't know subtlety if it danced naked in front of him with a lampshade on its head. "Can I make sure to say, for the record, that this was _your _idea, and that I'm just an innocent bystander that fell into your plot?"

"You'll thank me for it," she said, holding out her hand formally for him to shake.

Hesitantly, he reached out and shook. "I guess that settles it."


	6. Chapter 6

**This is probably the fastest-moving chapter in the entire fic. Sorry, I was too lazy to stretch anything out. Brace yourselves, guys.**

* * *

Being Xion's pretend-boyfriend turned out to be a lot more work than she'd made it out to be. She insisted that he smile and wink at her every single time he and Axel drove through through her booth; they had to hold hands under the table at lunch, which made it very hard to eat, and then he had to kiss her goodbye on the cheek when they parted ways. He went home with her three times a week, which actually did cut out a lot of time normally spent with Axel. If a real relationship was going to be this much work, Roxas wasn't sure if he wanted one.

The plan seemed to be going pretty smoothly, however uncomfortable it may have been to carry out. Axel, at least, seemed to be buying it. Sometimes he expressed some interest in their "relationship" and asked little things about it here and there, but it didn't look to Roxas like he was bothered. They still played rock-paper-scissors, and they still bickered and bantered like an old married couple, and they still spent their days together.

Demyx and Aqua were both skeptical, though. Roxas could tell. They always asked harder, more probing questions, like 'how did you decide to get together?' and 'where did you go on your date yesterday?' There wasn't any way that they could prove anything, though, as Roxas _did _do everything he was supposed to do to keep up the façade.

And then, a perfect, golden opportunity came along, on the Saturday one whole week after he and Xion had their coffee. On the day before, they'd caught wind of an enormous storm that was supposed to be coming through mid-afternoon Saturday all the way into early Sunday morning. Storms, you see, were among Axel's favorite things in the whole, wide world. In Axel's eyes, lightning was an excuse to bust out his keyboard and play with the pipe organ setting, and power outage was an excuse to build elaborate forts out of sheets.

In a normal situation like this, Roxas would typically go to Axel's house just as the rain was starting, and they'd eat food and kill zombies on the Xbox until the power went out. Then, once that happened, the fort-building could commence, and once it was up and they'd added all the desired extensions (this could take hours), they would sit inside and make up scary stories, just as an excuse to use the flashlight, and eventually, would fall asleep only to wake up hours later to Axel's father dumping all the bedware on top of them. Usually the entire experience was quite enjoyable.

So it wasn't surprising when, on that Saturday, Axel called Roxas' cell phone at noon.

"Sup?" Roxas answered, as he always did when Axel called.

"Dude, the storm's today!" Axel exclaimed cheerfully. "We got Hurricane Larxene's sloppy seconds. Looks like the Lake's gonna be closed."

"Yeah I heard," Roxas lied, smiling at Axel's excitement; he hadn't known the Lake would be closed. "Xion told me," he threw in.

"So you're coming over, right?"

He paused intentionally. "I'm sorry, dude," he said, glad they weren't talking face to face, because Axel could call out a bluff in a heartbeat. "Thunder scares Xion, so I promised her that I'd go over to her house and… you know… comfort her or whatever. I tried to get out of it, but you know how girls can be."

Pause.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, sorry, my dad was yelling something," said Axel, sounding kind of distracted. "That's cool. I get it. Hey, maybe you'll get lucky. Gotten any yet?"

"Well, not _technically,_" said Roxas ambiguously. He'd been working on this one for a while. "It _has _only been a week, she's been saying she doesn't want to go too far yet. But that is totally _okay, _because for what it's worth, she does give a hell of an awesome blowjob.

"_Damn! _I solute you, man! _So, _you been returning the favor?"

Roxas snorted to himself. "Yeah," he lied. "And I can see why you never tried it. It's not _bad, _but you could kind of compare it to pulling a grilled cheese apart. Messy business."

"Ew, okay, that was more than I needed to know," said Axel. "Take it easy and have _lots_ of fun."

"Sure," said Roxas. "Thanks."

As he hung up the phone, Roxas was wishing more and more that he'd just said 'forget it' to this whole dating thing. Thunderstorms really were a lot of fun when there were Wild North American Red-Topped Axels involved, and, unlike this, it didn't require him to be anything other than himself. He really didn't like this social business. He wondered how long it would be before Xion declared Axel to be jealous or not.

Sighing, he scrolled down to Xion's number and pushed _send. _He figured he should probably notify her of his pretend plan in case Axel told Demyx or Aqua and one of them called her to ask about it.

"Hey Roxas," she greeted.

"If anybody asks, you're scared of thunder, and I've come to be your knight in shining armor," grimacing, he added, "And I may or may not get laid tonight."

"Wow, good job!" she replied, unfazed, "I think you're starting to get the hang of this! I'll put a facebook status up about our romantic evening together, all right?"

Roxas shrugged, before realizing that it would be impossible for Xion to see him through the phone. "Yeah, okay…" he said without much enthusiasm.

"So _do _you want to come over?" she asked nicely. "We have a generator, so we have power when the lines are down. And you don't have to worry about my parents. My dad's got a date with Mrs. Valium tonight and my mom's staying at the Mohegan Sun with her friend, so we'd have the house to ourselves. We can try getting in touch with you inner fag."

"My _inner fag?!" _he choked out, mortified.

She giggled. "Yeah. We can watch Mean Girls and you could let me pamper you up with facial treatments a back massages and you can tell me your deepest, darkest secrets and we can watch Troy uncut and oogle Brad Pitt without his shirt on."

"Troy has an uncut version?" he asked.

"I have no idea," she laughed.

"Well, as enticing as your offer sounds, I think I'll pass," said Roxas dryly. "I haven't had a me-day in a while. I think I'm just gonna hang around, watch a couple of pornos until my power goes out, and after that I guess I'll read a book."

"Kay, you do that," she replied indifferently. "See you tomorrow, unless all this rain hasn't cleared up by then."

"All right, see you," said Roxas neutrally.

After she hung up, Roxas sat on his bed for a long time, thinking. This wasn't too uncommon for him, but today's thought frenzy was particularly uncomfortable, because most of them were recurring and involved himself and Axel. They weren't dirty in nature, just confused and anxious. He wanted to just skip this entire process and go to the end result, whatever the end result of this whole mess may be. He despised uncertainty, and right now, uncertainty was all he felt. He'd rather just _face _the truth head on than dance around it.

And that was how he came to the decision to fantasize. He just wanted to _try _it. That was how he could be sure. If he could get himself to climax to thoughts of Axel, that would be it. He'd call himself gay and work from there. If not, damn was he going to feel better.

It took several rounds of 'okay, I'm going to get up in three… two… one…' before he finally did get up, cross his room, and lock the door. His parents both worked and his brother was probably still sleeping, but he didn't want to take the chance of a lunch break or something. Roxas hated risks. He drew his shade and took off his underwear. That was the way he did it. Apparently Axel preferred having his boxers on but no pants, and Demyx did it in the shower. That didn't really concern Roxas, but sometimes that's just what guys' conversations came to.

He started the way he usually did; leaned up against his raised pillows and stroked lazily. It wasn't really common practice for him to go from start to finish without already being in the mood, though, unless he was really bored. So he let his mind go blank as he waited for his body to get on board. It took hardly a minute before he recognized the familiar flash of heat. This is where it was going to get tricky. This is the part where he had to get over his awkward embarrassment and consciously allow his mind to think about Axel—and himself—touching each other…

Swallowing nervously, he started replaying the contents of his dream from last week, recalling all the minor details: the taste he imagined Axel to have, the feeling of big, warm hands traveling over his body, the shallow grinding, all of it. He imagined the insides of his mouth being absolutely _ravished _by Axel's tongue, and then he found himself wishing he had someone there to kiss for real. To his horror (and pleasure) it was working. He instantly pinpointed that sensation, that want—to _come. _

His hand instinctually began stroking faster with the building pleasure. He found the courage to take the fantasy one step further. He imagined Axel, lying over him on his bed, in a position similar to that which he was in right now, grinding down into him, softly crying out his name. Axel's voice, moaning with pleasure. That specific scent he could smell every time he went over to the redhead's house, all around him. Running his hands all over Axel's lean, slender body.

Skin on searing skin, the feeling of something… not female… working against his pelvis. His back arched off the bed, leaning into the imaginary touch. He was so close…

Unable to contain a soft grunt, Roxas shuddered, and came.

He stared into space, horrified. He hadn't even come down yet, and already his overactive brain was skipping to the paranoia. This wasn't like the incident with the dream, where he was just groggy and horny and illogical at four twenty one in the morning. He'd actually made the conscious decision to fap to fantasies about himself and Axel… and it had worked.

Outwardly, he looked his usual calm when he put on some pants, and habitually grabbed a handful of tissues to clean up the mess on his abdomen. But his hands were shaking, his heart was racing, and he was choking up. What was he supposed to do now? Did this make him full on gay? Or just bisexual? He took several deep breaths, trying his hardest to just get his mind to calm the fuck down.

"Sora!" he called shakily. Sora was his brother's name. He was older than Roxas by three and a half years, and he was a bona fide college kid, though he didn't have a job. He still a happy go lucky child at heart. He and Roxas didn't associate, generally, if nothing else for lack of interest in each other. But these were desperate times, and maybe Sora had magically picked up some wisdom and knowledge during his travels of university. H

"Dude, your door's locked!" he called, jiggling the handle.

"Oh, right, sorry," Roxas replied hoarsely, getting up to unlock it.

When Sora entered the room, he stopped to check it out; it had been a very long time since he'd seen it from the inside. "To what do I owe this rare pleasure?" he said with a smirk. "Stopped pallin' around in kiddie land for long enough to remember I exist, have you? I spose the park is closed today."

"Sorry? I need… advice?" They were meant to be statements, but somewhere between inception and deliverance they became questions instead.

"You want advice from _me?_" Sora asked, stupefied. "Roxas, I think you might be sick. I'm a twenty-one year old virgin with no job and like, six friends. I don't know what I could possibly teach you that could be of any use."

This did not make Roxas feel any better.

"Have you ever questioned your sexuality?" he blurted before he could think of something more subtle.

Sora raised one eyebrow, which looked hilarious on his face, but now wasn't really the time for Roxas to be laughing. "Why, are you starting to figure out that you're over the fence for Axel?"

"DOES EVERY FUCKING PERSON AROUND HERE HAVE THIS THEORY BUT ME!?" Roxas boomed.

"Pretty much," Sora snorted. "If you showed up for dinner every once in a while, you'd know that it's been a semi regular topic of conversation. Dad gets concerned that you two have been spending too much time together, but mom's adamant. She won't believe it. Says it's a good thing that you're finally starting to become social."

"…"

"You're serious?"

For the first time, Roxas confirmed it. He nodded his head shortly. He wished he'd never called in Sora at all. There wasn't any going back now. He just admitted it. Why did he do that? He still wasn't sure! He was straight! Mostly…

"What does it feel like?"

"What does what feel like?

"Being a fag."

"Sora, don't be an asshole!" Roxas growled. "I _can't _be a fag! I like girls! Girls, girls, girls with boobs, and I have a stack of magazines hidden in a hollowed out atlas book to prove it! But…" he turned red. He was talking about his problem to way too many people now. "Last week, I had a dream. You know, _that _kind of dream, and it was about Axel. And now I keep getting all hot and bothered every time I think about it, and then just now I…"

"Took care of yourself?" said Sora with a wide grin.

He nodded glumly. "It's getting worse…" he sighed. He felt like crying. And he thought maybe he just might.

Sora seemed to notice, because he stopped grinning right away. "Hey…" he said quietly, opening up his arms. "Come on, get over here."

And then Roxas' resistance cracked, and shattered. He choked out shortly and fell into his brother's hug. He wouldn't let go any sobs, he _wouldn't, _because he was a man, but he wanted to.

"It's _fine,_" said Sora, patting him awkwardly. "The world isn't going to break apart because you've got a man- crush, okay? You're my stupid- ass kid brother and I'd love you whether you were gay, retarded, or a republican, all right? It's _okay._"

"I don't want to _accept _it," Roxas said angrily. "I don't _feel _gay. I don't like stupid girly movies or makeup or fashion or _anything. _Apparently I'm a great big crybaby but other than that, it doesn't feel like anything's changed."

Sora let him go and sat down on the bed. "Well, I guess that's because people don't decide their sexuality," he said thoughtfully. "Because they're just born like that. Just like some people are born compassionate or people are born bossy. So nothing would change, right? Just like someone wouldn't get any stupider if they found out one day that they had an IQ of 75."

"What should I do though?" he sniffled. "That's all I want to know. All Xion keeps saying is 'it's up to me' and 'I'll find out when I get there.' Tell me what _you _would do."

Sora frowned. "I don't know what I'd do, because it's not me. Theoretically, I'd come out right away just to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. But that's in theory. If it actually _happened, _I'm sure I wouldn't take it that well, and things would play out differently. My advice to you? Don't run away from it. You don't have to _accept _it, but don't you dare try to convince yourself of _anything. _You're bi, okay? But you aren't _bound _to that label."

"All right…" said Roxas uncertainly. "Can you promise me something though?"

"Depends," said Sora noncommittally.

"Don't bring this up at dinner. I don't want _them _to know—" he jabbed a thumb in the general direction of their parents' bedroom, "—until I'm sure."

Sora shrugged. "It's not for me to talk about. I'm just a spectator."

If one put Sora and Roxas in a room, and then brought in someone unbiased, who'd never met them before, and asked them to point out the one they thought would be more likely to turn out gay, ninety nine percent of them would probably pick Sora. He was nice, sensitive, social (more so than Roxas, anyway) and he clipped his nails regularly. Roxas, on the other hand, was typically an indifferent asshole, he was couldn't differentiate between maroon and crimson, and he chewed his nails. He was so straight it was ridiculous. So how could this have happened to him?

"Thanks," he said awkwardly.

Sora's face split into a grin. "So then, O mighty brother of mine, what were you planning on doing today?"

"Nothing," Roxas admitted. "I was gonna watch TV until my brain poured out of my ears and I didn't have to think about this shit anymore."

"Awesome, then you're free," he said happily. "Tell you what, I'm gonna make us a pot of macaroni and cheese for breakfast, and then we can practice fatalities on Mortal Kombat until the power goes out. And I'm not talking that DC versus Capcom shit, I mean the Super Nintendo version where things were still good. That sound okay to you?"

"Fuck yeah!" said Roxas enthusiastically. If there was anything in the world that Sora was actually good at, it was making macaroni and cheese. Roxas never knew what exactly he put in it to make it so awesome, but he'd never been inclined to know, either. Around his house, it was a commodity, and it was the only thing Sora did that their mother had never once complained about.

They slapped hands, bro fisted, then shook. It was a 'secret' handshake Sora made up when they were a lot younger, but until that point, Roxas had all but forgotten it existed. Even though he and Sora didn't make a habit of hanging out, when Roxas needed it, Sora was there. He was a good big brother in that way.

It took about twenty minutes for them to actually get downstairs so that Sora could make the macaroni. Roxas hadn't realized it, but he was insanely hungry. They took the food into the living room like the little badasses they were and, for the first time, saw what Mortal Kombat looked like on a 1080p definition TV. It was ridiculous, it was amazing how pixelated everything looked when it wasn't splayed over a boob tube.

They ended up playing for three hours before the rain started, and at that point they switched over to Super Smash Brothers until the power went out. But they didn't stop hanging out then, since there really wasn't much in the field of entertainment but each other. He taught Sora how to play chess, and then Sora taught him how to play chopsticks. When it started to get dark out, they busted out the hurricane lanterns and Sora heated up some water on the stove for hot chocolate. They went out to eat when their parents came back from work, and it wasn't until the family got home that the brothers parted and went into their separate rooms. Sora didn't bring up Roxas' problem for the rest of day, and for that, Roxas was grateful.

When he laid down in bed though, all by himself, Roxas started to worry again. He couldn't help it; there was nothing left but flame-watching to distract him, and that got pretty old pretty quick. He had to think about what he was going to do next. He supposed he'd text Xion and tell her his discovery, but he wasn't ready for that just yet. He wanted more than anything for the last few weeks to have never happened, but the fact of the matter was, they did.

In his head, he scripted a whole conversation in which he'd confess to Axel everything he felt, but he took breaks to laugh at himself and contemplate the utter ridiculousness of the idea. For one thing, there was no way Axel liked him back, and he knew somewhere in his mind that he wouldn't have the balls to get through the first sentence anyway. Sora had called him a trooper for taking the whole thing so well, but all he really was was a scared, almost eighteen year old senior.

~o~

Axel was a mess. He didn't look like it, but he was. Ever since he'd gotten off the phone with Roxas, he'd been extremely antsy. It was like being an overly energized rodent in a cage without a rolling ball. He didn't even know what to _do _with himself. There was a totally awesome storm going on outside, and he had nobody to build a fort with, nobody to play cards with, and nobody to keep him entertained.

He could have texted Demyx to hang out, but he didn't want to. He didn't want anyone else to do the things he and Roxas did. That was like, _their _ritual. He contemplated it anyway, after all, Roxas had replaced _him _for Xion as a storm buddy. But that didn't make him want to call Demyx any more, so all he ended up thinking about was how lame he was for using the word replace. Roxas wasn't _replacing _him, he was just doing something nice for his girlfriend.

Scoffing, Axel ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe he said replace. Being someone's friend was a step below significant other, and he understood that. But… wasn't it still bros before hoes?

What did Roxas even see in a girl like Xion? She wasn't exactly smart, and she whined a lot, and she _never _used your/you're correctly on facebook. What did they do on dates, just sit there and not talk to each other? She wasn't even that pretty, and the existence of anything in the breast department was negligible. Axel just couldn't see any chemistry between them. Not like Aqua and Demyx, who were just _waiting _for an opportunity to get together.

Roxas needed someone who actually understood how he functioned. Roxas needed someone who _got _that, even though he _says _he doesn't like to talk to people, he really did if you just made him. Roxas needed someone…

He needed someone more like Axel.

But Axel wouldn't figure that out just yet, he would need a fair bit of help before stumbling into that ball park. He was just dense that way. He didn't take Demyx seriously when the weirdo said that he and Roxas should be together. He hadn't flipped a lid like Roxas did with Aqua. Then again, while Aqua ranted about politics, Demyx ranted about how dragons still existed deep within the mountains. So Axel couldn't really be blamed for not taking him seriously.

But he _was _miserable. He fell asleep watching TV, which he _never _did, and then when he woke up, he ate an entire box of white castle burgers. Then when he was done, he went outside and smoked one of his dad's cigarettes, which he also hardly ever did. Then, he moped. And moped, and moped with his face in his pillow. He moped even more than that time when Roxas decided they were going to see Xmen instead of Harry Potter seven. Even more than that time his dad waited until the last minute to go Thanksgiving shopping and ended up getting a ham instead of a turkey. And those were some pretty hard times.

When the power went out, he didn't even try to bust out all the handheld devices he took all that trouble to charge. He just went right to the kitchen and took a Benadryl. And then he went right back into his bedroom and went to bed.

~o~

When Axel woke up, his phone told him that it was four twenty one in the morning. Way too fucking early to be awake, but there was no way he was getting any more sleep after being conked out for twelve hours on allergy medicine. With a slow sigh, he went for his bedside lamp, but it didn't work for him. He sighed, guessing they were still without power. The sound of rain was still pitter pattering softly outside, but not nearly as hard as it was before. Axel was sure that the worst (and best) of the storm had already passed. Joy.

He lie awake for hours, fading in and out of a semi sleepy state. Try as he may to sleep back into a dreamy world again (he was sure he'd been having a good one) his body just wasn't having it. He had an incomprehensible physical urge to get up and _do _something, but mentally, he didn't even want to move. He wanted to stay in bed forever.

At five, he took out his phone out of habit, to check up facebook. He couldn't get a wifi connection to his house, but he did have 4G. He scrolled through varies peoples' statuses about the storm with disinterest, until one name in particular caught his eye. Roxas'.

But of course, Roxas wasn't even the one to make the post. He was just tagged in it. The post was made by Xion, about seven hours ago according to his phone. It read: _Taking advantage of my generator with my honey. Thanks for coming over tonight, I feel way better now that your here 3 –_With Roxas Winters.

Axel sneered at the post. How lame was that? It was so cute it made him want to puke.

He didn't look at his phone again after that.

In bed he stayed until eight o'clock, when he heard the rev of his dad's truck, telling him that his old man had gone off to work. Not that his dad was a chore to be around, he just really wasn't a morning person until he had his cup of coffee, and they didn't own a coffee maker. All he did was go out into the kitchen, grab a cold poptart for himself, and go back to bed. He had no intentions of trying to sleep again, so he opened the windows and listened to the slowing rain.

Finally, the rain stopped falling at approximately nine o'clock, and at exactly nine twenty eight, someone came banging on the front door. Axel figured it couldn't be anybody important, because anybody particularly important to Axel could let themselves in. He drew the blankets over himself as if to prove just how defiant he was for staying in bed.

_Bang bang bang!_

This banging was a lot closer, on his bedroom door, in fact. Only one person would come to his house looking specifically for him, and that was—

"_Axel, I know you're in there. Come on, my power's back on, you can go back to my place and shower, and I checked online, the Lake's gonna be open today if you want to go. Oh for fuck's sake, I'm coming in."_

—Roxas.

A momentary jerking sound could be heard, and Axel smirked to himself a little bit. He'd locked his door earlier, for no real reason, but now it proved to come in quite handy.

But a second later he heard a _click, _and the door swung open.

"You ought to know better than that," Roxas scoffed, "You _taught _me how to pick locks with hangers. Now get your lazy ass out of bed, I know you aren't sleeping because _you _can't sleep with blankets over your head."

"Go awaaaaaaaaaay," Axel whined from underneath the blanket. "I'm sick."

"What hurts?" Roxas asked, pulling it up off of him. "You look all right to me."

He pushed the hairs that had fallen haphazardly over Axel's face so that he could feel his forehead with his hand. "You don't feel warm to me, either, and my hands are freezing right now. What's the deal? Are you pissed at me or something?"

"No," said Axel, like a kid would if you asked him if his wrestling figures were dolls. "I really don't feel good."

He remembered something Roxas said a few weeks ago: "_Just because I'm not sick doesn't mean I can't not feel good!" _so ha, Roxas. Take that, poophead.

"Well _I _think you're just being a big pile of angst," said Roxas, crossing his arms. "Which you aren't allowed to do. That's my job. So stop making excuses and get up." Sheesh, what was with this new pushy Roxas? The guy hardly ever came over without being invited, much less was _he _the one dragging _Axel _out of bed. Roxas was right. Their roles had reversed. "…Do you really want me to go away? At first I thought you just didn't want to get out of bed, but if you're _really _being a big pile of angst, I'll leave you to yourself."

"No," Axel repeated, differently this time. He actually made eye contact with Roxas for the first time that morning, as if to show that he really _really _didn't want him to leave.

And _that's _when it hit him. It couldn't have occurred to him like, four hours ago, or last night. No, that would be too easy. It _had _to be when Roxas was standing over him being nothing but himself that Axel realized just how much he _didn't _want Roxas to leave him alone. He really didn't. He couldn't think of anything on this goddamn earth he'd rather do if not with Roxas. He fucking _loved _the little blue eyed brat. And he hated Xion because he _liked_ being the only one that Roxas chose to be around. He didn't want to share Roxas with anybody else. And really, he didn't have anyone else to replace him.

What a goddamn lonely person Lea Delarosa could be.

"I mean, don't leave," he said. "I want to come over and use your shower and eat all of your food and go to the Lake if you want."

Roxas frowned. "Well, I had this idea of something we could do, I don't know if you'd be into it…"

Roxas, coming up with creative ideas? Axel was starting to wonder if someone had cloned him. "What is it?"

"How would you feel about going camping?"

"Camping? You mean like—?"

"At Lake Compounce."

Axel grinned widely. "_That's _more like it!" he shouted, sitting up. _That, _he could totally do today. "So what, we hide around after hours, set up shop in the woods and hope to _god _they don't have adequate night time security?"

Roxas blushed. "Well, not exactly… okay I admit it, this is not _nearly _as ballsy of me as it sounds. Demyx and Aqua got put on night shift. It's them, and three other guys, and from what they told me, they are like, drooling stupid and all they do is sit around in the staff room and drink coffee. That's how I got the idea. I already talked to them about it."

"Still ballsy!" Axel rejoiced happily. "_I'm _just proud of you for coming up with an idea for once. I guess someone's got to, if I'm being a pile of angst."

"You gonna tell me what that was all about then?"

"Not important," said Axel briskly. "Come on, come on, bring me home and feed me!"

They didn't end up getting to the park until around six. They spent most of the day packing up stuff for the night and deciding what they needed and what they didn't ("Sleeping bags, yes, but tent, no, way too conspicuous.") and things of that nature. In the end, they had two sleeping bags, a change of clothes for them each, a box of swiss rolls, bug spray, and a flashlight, all tucked neatly underneath two flashy beach towels and sunscreen so as to get past the bag checkers. All they did was peek inside, so towels should do just fine.

After they'd actually finished packing everything for the day to come, Roxas and Axel ended up hanging around Roxas' house anyway, just lounging about, eating, and subconsciously making up for the time they'd lost yesterday. It didn't matter that they weren't at the park, since Demyx and Aqua wouldn't be there to meet up with them regardless.

They had to walk back to Axel's house to get the car, and it just so happened to be _right _when they were pulling out of the driveway, Axel starting jumping up and down and flailing all over the place as he exclaimed, "Wait! I forgot something!"

"You're the one behind the wheel," Roxas pointed out. Axel slammed on the breaks.

"I'll be right back, I gotta go get it!" he shouted.

"Go get what?"

"I can't tell you! It's a surprise!"

"Well go get it!" Roxas shouted, just for the sake of mimicking Axel. There wasn't really much to shout about at this point.

Axel got out of the car, taking the bag with him. Roxas rolled his eyes because, knowing Axel, everything in the bag that had been carefully and delicately arranged would probably end up all fucked up by the time Axel got back, all for the sake of keeping the damn thing a secret.

It was hardly a moment before Axel came sprinting out, all huffy and puffy, and tossed the bag into the back seat. It landed with a muffled _thud, _which meant that whatever it now contained with either very small, very soft, or very well hidden.

"Okay, I'm back!" said Axel loudly, as though all of his running around hadn't announced that for him.

"What'd you get? Roxas asked again, reaching around to check the back.

"Don't _check _it," Axel insisted. "I didn't go to all the trouble of hiding it from you just so you could reach round back and _check _it. Sheesh, you're gonna see it in like, five hours anyway, so just chill out."

Roxas didn't answer, but he scowled quietly. Things were definitely back to normal for them, and it felt so relieving.

~o~

"Okay, so are you gonna show me this big awesome surprise or what?" Roxas asked excitedly. He didn't _sound _excited, but he was. This was totally the best idea he'd ever come up with, if not the _only _idea he'd ever come up with. They'd met with Demyx and Aqua briefly, who walked them to the very back of the park, near the area the gang watched the fireworks from. They hid the boys around the picnic area, where they knew nobody would check. Apparently, the guards were all convinced the place was spooky and only did four rounds of the park between closing time and midnight. Then after that, they stuck to watching the main entrance and playing cards.

And guess whose job it was to venture all the way to the back of the park anyway? The noobs. They each passed through twice, growling and grumping over being labeled 'peasants.' When it was definitely safe for to come out from their hiding spot to make camp, Aqua sent them a text.

Axel didn't answer Roxas' question right away. No, he set right to unloading the sleeping bags and rolling them out. They picked a nice, secluded area in the woods behind the picnic area. The moonlit lake was still clearly visible from where they were, but there were plenty enough trees around them to disguise them. They were officially trespassers.

"Come on, show me already!" Roxas whined in his most annoying voice.

"Pushy pushy…" Axel sang. But the surprise was foiled by means of an accidental _clink. _Roxas' eyes widened as Axel swore and withdrew a clear bottle full of clear liquid, which had been concealed and wrapped snugly between the towels. He must have snuck it from his dad's stash in the basement. Vodka.

Roxas wasn't sure how to feel about this. He wasn't big on drinking, by any stretch of the imagination, but he didn't exactly _oppose _it, either. His parents would let him have a go at the alcohol on New Year's Eve, but never before had he gone near anything even close to as hard as vodka before. But then again, he was already breaking the law, and that was _thrilling. _Kids were supposed to BS in high school, right? So BS Roxas would.

"You got a bottle." He stated calmly. "You actually brought a bottle. Did you…" he paused nervously. "That is, you brought something for us to chase it with, right?"

Axel snorted. "Pfft! Chasers are for pussies."

"Asshole," Roxas muttered.

Axel hadn't thought to bring shot glasses either, or any cups, for that matter. So they had to drink it straight from the bottle, and damn did it burn. The first swig made Roxas cough and sputter like a wimp, much to Axel's amusement, but Axel didn't exactly make a happy face when he took his first sip, either. They decided it would be a good idea to break out the swiss rolls to ease them into it.

Before long, Roxas was feeling very warm, and his head took on that fuzzy, toxic quality. They kept their volume down, though it was difficult and they had to constantly remind themselves that they were supposed to be being sneaky. They talked about everything and nothing, from their friends and their families to politics to religion and eventually to life.

"Are we having a birthday party for you on Thursday?" Axel asked eventually.

Right. Thursday. Roxas would turn eighteen in less than a week. "I dunno," he said passively.

And then, everything started coming out. Everything that he hadn't even known he had been feeling, he was pouring out to Axel. "Celebrating it will make it more real, and it shouldn't _be _real. I don't feel like an adult. I feel like a confused fucking teenager. I don't know what college I'm gonna go to or what I wanna do for a living and that's all anyone ever asks me about! And this economy is in the fucking toilet and I'm not going to have anybody to help me or any kind of social connections because I don't know how to network. Everything is moving on fast an I'm being left here, and I don't know if I can make it out there and that really _scares _me. I feel so… trapped."

Axel stared at him for a moment, probably trying to work out all that he'd said. "That's why we go to school," he said. "So we can find out. I don't know what to tell you, because I haven't done it yet, either, but man, if you're talking like that, you have _not _had enough to drink yet."

Roxas shut up and let Axel give him another shot. Axel was right. There was no reason for him to worry until there was something to worry about. Look at his brother. He would graduate from college next year and he was still just as clueless as Roxas, and he seemed just fine, all the time.

As the content level in the bottle sunk, the conversation started to get sillier and sillier. "Hey…" said Axel, "You know why the guards are so scared of this place at night?"

"Cuzzay think it's haunted," Roxas said with a slight slur.

"Right, but choo know the Legend of _why _is haunted?" Axel challenged.

"The one was used to hear about when we were kids?"

"Right. The legend goes…" Axel flicked their flashlight on and shined it over his face. "That this land yoosta belong to a tribe o' Native Americans. And zerr Chief, Compound, sold it to a bunch o' white guys real cheap. And thenee figured out that he got ripped off an' tried ta sail over the lake in a bronze kettle, an' ee drowned. And tha's why it's called Lake Compounce, cause someone started calling it Compound's Lake. An' they say…" he paused for dramatic effect, "That 'is spirit is still down there, an' that's why so many people die here. They say… that he takes swimmers, and pulls 'em down with 'im."

"Oh really?" Roxas laughed, rocking back and forth.

"Yep. An' I had this dream that I was here, and I went swimming, and then this big, rotting, green ghost captain like in Lord o' the Rings came right on out an' took me down. So that proves it."

"I had a dream that I was here, too!" said Roxas excitedly.

"Tell me bout it," said Axel.

"Well," he said animatedly, "I wasn't here at the beginning, the TARDIS took me, but there wa'nt anyone 'eer cept a swinging dalek, so I wen' on da downtime to try an' see people, but there was still no one there. And YOU! You asshole!" he shouted, hitting a very confused Axel all over the place. "You fucking showed up and _dryfucked _me on your fucking washing machine! So then me and Xion came up with this thing to see if you'd get jealous. Yeah! You know me and Xion? We don't even date! It's all just to see what _you _make of it, because everyone in the world seems to think that you an' me should be together, and it's really incon-fucking-vinient cause sometimes I think they're right!"

Silence.

"…what?" Axel asked quietly. "When did that go from dream to reality?"

_Fuckfuckfuck! _Roxas thought frantically. _Stupid drunk mind, I'm __**never **__inviting you into my head again. Get out! I hate you, I hate you!_

"Let's go swimming!" he shouted jubilantly, though not loud enough for anyone to really hear him. It was a whisper-shout. "Let's see if this whole legend theory is really really real."

He got up and started running out of the woods towards the Lake's shore. He heard Axel yell, "Hang on, wait up for me," but he didn't. He didn't want to be in close enough vicinity to have to talk about what he just said. Hopefully, in the morning, Axel wouldn't remember any of it, and if he did, Roxas would insist over and over again that he was fucking nuts and had way too much to drink. _Why _did he just say that? He still wasn't _sure. _

The water was still warm from the day's sun, as it should be in the middle of summer. Roxas didn't pause, he waded right in until he feet couldn't touch the bottom. A little bell rang in his head, reminding him of something he learned in health class some five years ago… _Never go swimming while drunk, or you'll drown, and die. _Well, he wasn't swimming, he was floating peacefully on his back. So there, heath class. After all, he wasn't tired at all, not after all that. The bottle was only a quarter empty between the two of them. He could swim.

The only problem with floating peacefully, is that it made it very easy for Axel to catch up. "Roxas, what did you mean back—"

Roxas submerged himself. _Not listening… not listening… _he repeated until he had to come up. He'd left Axel in the dust. "Come back here! I'm trying to talk to you!"

"No!" he said defiantly, swimming further and further away. He thought Axel had given up when suddenly, something very cold and very slimy wrapped around his leg. "Gahh!" he shouted, trying to swim away from it, or shake it off. He succeeded in neither. "Axel, help! The lake monster's got me! Chief Compound's got me!"

Axel, as it turned out, was not that far behind him. They locked wrists, and Axel started attempting to drag him back towards shore, which wasn't helped by Roxas' constant flailing. "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!" he started moaning fearfully, clinging to Axel for dear life, "He's gonna drown me, I'm never gonna go home!"

"Roxas, shut up and kick your feet!" Axel growled. "You're not gonna die, buddy, we're gonna get through this! Shake him off as hard as you can!"

Roxas kicked wildly, arms still locked tightly around Axel's neck.

"We're both—" Axel coughed, trying to breathe "—gonna suffocate one way—or the other—if you don't loosen the fuck up!"

Roxas hardly listened, he was too busy scrambling around to try to get on the other side of Axel—maybe he could shake it off that way. His heart pounded insanely hard as he slipped and fell back into the water. _This is it, this is it, I'm never coming back up—_

_-_and scraped his knees on a particularly pointy rock settled on the lake's bottom. They had _made _it.

His head broke the surface again, and he felt himself being dragged out by Axel. They were both tired, panting, and sopping wet, so as soon as no part of either of them was still in the water, Axel dropped him, right there, and let him lie sprawled over his chest. _Doesn't matter. I'm still alive._

Roxas glanced behind him to see if he could catch a glimpse of Chief Compound, perhaps sinking gloomily back into the blackness, furious that he'd lost two victims. But he saw nothing but a long string of goopy, black seaweed, twisted intricately around his leg.

"Seaweed…" Roxas breathed to himself, feeling incredibly foolish. "Axel, it was just seaweed."

Giddy laughter bubbled up inside him, escaping into the still night, echoing over the water. Soon it was joined by Axel's, and they laughed jubilantly over how they'd conquered the mighty and treacherous seaweed. Roxas rolled onto the ground, clutching his slightly waterlogged lungs. They ached from laughing so much.

Then he realized that Axel was right there next to him, close, _way _too close, leaning over him. The last of his laughs faded away, and were replaced by nerve. The water clinging to his skin suddenly didn't feel so cold anymore, his body heated it up uncomfortably.

Axel finished laughing too, but he didn't wait for Roxas to say something awkward. The ghost of their smiles left as Axel leaned down and kissed him. The action was so simple, an easy opening and closing of the mouth, and yet it meant so much. When Axel broke one kiss, Roxas went back for another, this time with a curious little slip of the tongue between parted lips.

Axel's mouth, he decided, was his new favorite thing. His lips were perfectly soft and pouty, and the inside was _hot, _contrary to the water-chilled skin on the outside. Where their bodies were pressed together was comfortably warm, and that increased two fold when Roxas wound his arms around the top of Axel's shoulders to pull him down closer.

That was the moment Roxas decided. _Yes. I'm sure. Kiss me harder. _

They made out on the shore for a long time, and crickets were chirping, breaking the silence only night had to offer. And the moon was almost full, more than enough to illuminate when reflected off the water, given one's eyes had already adjusted to the darkness. And a cooling breeze blew through the pleasantly comfortable air,

And muffled crunches and snickers could be heard nearby, but did either of them notice? Nada. Not, at least, until a blinding flashlight shined over them, shattering the moment completely. Axel moved his head up immediately, parting from Roxas with an embarrassing smooching sound. His head was shielding Roxas' eyes from the light, so it was he who saw the people behind it first. He was very unimpressed.

"Hmm, let's see. Tresspassing, underage alcohol consumption by the smell of it, disturbing of the peace, and sucking face on private property. You two are damn near guaranteed a night in juvey and a nice big fine," said Aqua, her eyes twinkling with smugness and satisfaction.

"The fuck are you two doing here?" Axel asked.

Demyx explained, "We heard noises, and me n' Aqua lost noses to go check it out. It's a good thing we did too. What the heck were you guys doing?"

"The heck does it _look _like they were doing?" Aqua asked, slapping him playfully over the head.

Demyx scrunched up his face, scrutinizing their guilty selves with clueless eyes. "I don't know… I got it!" he snapped his fingers. " They're wet! You went… swimming?"

"You're a moron, Dem," said Aqua, patting his shoulder. Come on, I'll explain it on the way back. Keep it down, you guys."

Roxas turned red. This is _not _how he wanted Aqua to find out. This wasn't how he wanted _anyone _to find out. He raised one arm up over his head to extend his middle finger at her, just so she'd know that he was listening and thoroughly not amused. She took no heed to it, instead she cackled gleefully and began towing Demyx away. Neither Roxas nor Axel said a word until their voices and footsteps faded away.

"So…" Axel began awkwardly.

"Yeah…" Roxas muttered.

"You're um… good at that," said Axel.

Roxas blushed again. "Thanks. You too.

"So, um, do you want—"

"Yeah," Roxas said again.

Axel smiled fondly at him. He stood up, offering Roxas a hand. He took it, but when he managed to get on his own feet, they didn't let go. That was…okay. Axel's hand was very warm, and a little sweaty, but still very comforting. They were a lot bigger than his, unlike Xion's. He felt oddly protected.

When they got back to their little nest of sorts, Axel said, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm sure glad we brought towels. I'm gonna get changed, too. I don't know about you, but I'm not fucking sleeping in cold, wet clothes.

"Looks good on you though," Roxas commented, surprising even himself. If he was still thinking like that then clearly he hadn't sobered up as much as he thought. Axel didn't seem to mind, in fact, he looked rather pleased with himself.

"Well, regardless, they're making me cold," said Axel, pulling his shirt off. "Want your clothes too or what?"

"Yeah," said Roxas. He facepalmed inside. Christ, was that the only word he knew?

One of life's few simple pleasures that Roxas enjoyed was changing into dry clothes after swimming. This was especially good if he got his fresh clothes right out of the dryer. Though that was not the case this time, the fabric still hung gently over his skin, warming it and slowly taking away that yucky water chill that had been left behind. It felt so nice, he forgot to freak out because Axel just totally saw him naked.

Except he totally didn't care.


	7. Chapter 7

**So I've realized recently that alcohol is a severely recurring theme in all of my stories. I'm pretty sure there's only two that don't have at least some drinking and/or getting high in them. I think this is a problem. Maybe it's just me subconsciously telling myself I need to get drunk and laid. Or maybe I'm just not creative enough to find a way to make a straight man gay without him being intoxicated first. I'll get back to you guys on that.**

* * *

Roxas and Axel woke up the following morning before dawn. At least, Roxas did. It was still just getting to be light out. The horizon to the east was a plethora of warm colors but everywhere else still carried that bluish tint that night tended to bring. Even the birds hadn't quite woken up yet. Now, as a general rule, Roxas simply didn't wake up at an hour like this, but something, residual paranoia maybe, told him loudly, _get up, asshole. It's time to leave._

Blinking all of the crust out of his eyes, Roxas stretched out and, eyes zeroing in the box of swiss rolls, crawled over the top of his sleeping back to grab the second to last one. So far he didn't have a headache or any signs of a hangover, but then again, it was still a bit dark out, he didn't know the time and for all he knew, he could still have been a little drunk.

For the moment, he was still blissfully forgetful of the entire incident concerning himself and Axel the previous night. Apart from a little bit of silly conversation and _maybe _a little bit of crying, he didn't remember much at all, and was perfectly contented to just sit pretzel legged in his sleeping bag and peel apart each snack cake delicately before eating them.

After all had been devoured, he shook his hair and ran his hand through it. _Gross. _It was disgusting. It was all kinds of messed up and frizzy and tangled and still slightly damp in places. There were a few fibrous strands of plant and grass hanging from it, and it also smelled like a lake.

_Lake. Drinking. Swimming. Lake Monster. Axel. Kiss. Fuck me. _

Roxas stiffened as details from the night before started to come back to him, if a little bit fuzzy around the edges. Without breathing, he turned marginally over to glance cautiously at Axel from the corner of his eye. A short pang of fear seared through his chest as he regarded his friend's peaceful, sleeping face.

He remembered what happened now. The night before, after they'd gotten dressed, they'd had a brief conversation which _basically, _with many ums and likes, went like "I wanna make out again" "Okay."

Axel was a really good kisser. Roxas definitely remembered that much. Just thinking about it again made him shudder, _crave _that feeling again. But making out was as far as they had gotten, as they were simply too tired to get into any kind of heavy petting. At the very least, Roxas felt proud of himself for insisting they get into separate sleeping bags, even if they were pressed right up against one another. Axel's position was very calm, even now. He never moved at all when he slept, granted there was nothing to cuddle in the vicinity.

A few scarlet hairs had fallen over Axel's halcyon face, but, as he wasn't Roxas, so that didn't disturb him any. However, Roxas was Roxas, so small things like stray hairs over the face did disturb him. At least, that was the excuse he gave himself for doing what he did next.

He only _meant _to brush the hairs out of his face, but instead he ended up gently pushing them back with his palm, resting his hand on Axel's forehead, and pressing his lips softly against the other's. He felt Axel stirring under the touch; his heart thundered in his chest. He drew back when Axel's eyes flickered and opened.

"Hey," he croaked, "What time is it?"

"Dunno," said Roxas, only just now realizing it. He pulled out his phone to check. "Bout quarter after five."

Axel mumbled something along the lines of 'damn raccoon' and possibly a little 'lucky you're so sexy,' and dragged himself into a sitting position. He stuffed his fists into his eyes like a child. "Oh well. This definitely beats an alarm clock, anyway. Are there any Swiss Rolls left?"

"One," said Roxas, tossing it into his lap. "We should probably leave as soon as possible, before the sun gets up enough for someone to notice us."

Axel nodded in agreement. While he ate his breakfast, Roxas took it upon himself to gather up all of their stuff and shove it unceremoniously into their bag. The bottle was still almost half full, so Roxas took a short Hair of the Dog to prolong any hangover that may or may not be imminent, and Axel took one too. Afterwards, Roxas walked to the lake with it, filled it with water, and sunk it to the bottom. By the time he got back, Axel had rolled up his own sleeping bag and put it away, so it was as if they were never there.

They didn't talk much as they walked through the woods. Lake Road ran right alongside the park, and Roxas knew by general knowledge that if he walked far enough he'd end up in the little field across from Lincoln College. As soon as they got on the road, they wouldn't be trespassers anymore, just two guys carrying a backpack, and they could start walking back to where they'd parked their car.

See, they were smart, and they knew better than to use the Lake's parking lot. They parked outside the shooting range, which was a convenient quarter mile down the road from their trailblazed exit from the park. Axel's dad knew most of the guys there, so they figured their car'd probably be okay there for the night. Once they'd parked it, Demyx and Aqua picked them up, and to the park they went.

When the boys did get out of the woods, the sun had just risen, illuminating the wheat-colored patch of land with a hazy, dewey glow. Though Roxas was by no means a morning person, on days like this he wished he could be, because morning was a very peaceful time of day. No one else was around yet and it was a nice time to listen to mourning doves. But usually he either missed the morning in school, or just slept through them completely.

He and Axel didn't hold hands as they walked, which Roxas didn't mind, since it would probably be a rather irritating inconvenience to sling a pack over his shoulder and hold someone's hand at the same time.

For the first time in many weeks, he wasn't worried. About them, that is. He wasn't worried about what was going to happen to them or whether the night before meant anything or if Axel was creeped out or anything like that. He knew better. Even though there was a fresh shot in him, he felt more lucid than he had in weeks. There wasn't anything to worry about. They weren't being awkward or uncomfortable or anything. Everything was exactly the way it was before the whole mess even started.

The fact that they'd kissed wasn't friendship ruining, it was friendship _enhancing._ This time the day before they were just regular friends. Today, they were regular friends that kissed.

"These are one of the few days where I'm glad you're the one that has to drive and not me," Roxas remarked as Axel's car was finally within reach.

"Fuck you, get in," said Axel. "Don't patronize me, I'm an angry drunk."

"Domestic violence, much?" Roxas laughed, knowing full well that Axel didn't get violent, happy, or sexual under the influence. He just got stupid and distracted. "You better go twenty fucking miles an hour and keep your goddamn eyes on the road."

"You swear a lot when you're buzzed," Axel observed neutrally.

They hung around for a while even after the car was on and they had their seatbelts on, just leaning back up against the seats and taking a break. Not that walking should really have been all that strenuous, but when one is trying to prolong a hangover on only a few hours of sleep, any amount of exercise, no matter how minimal, can be very draining.

Roxas was, for once, perfectly comfortable, both physically and mentally. Even though the physical part was probably just because of overtiredness on his part, he couldn't help but revel against the cool, plushy leather seats and the warm sun on his face. For someone who was so nitpicky about cleanliness, he wasn't too bothered by his nasty hair and grimy skin. Everything else was too right.

He didn't need to worry about how he acted in front of Axel anymore, and he didn't have to worry about rejection. The entire ordeal was like a giant weight being lifted right off his shoulders.

When Axel finally found the strength and motivation to start the engine, he asked, "So, you want to go somewhere or just go straight home?"

"I _want _to go home and sleep," said Roxas. "But we _should _go out somewhere and find some caffeine. I'll never get back to a normal sleep schedule if I go to bed now."

"You're buying," Axel agreed, backing out of the parking lot. Roxas was sure glad that he'd finally gotten comfortable driving around with Axel, because otherwise, he would have been exceptionally jumpy due to the redhead's tiredness. Today he was only slightly nervous, but it wasn't trivial enough to linger on his mind for long.

As they drove, Roxas couldn't help but feel a bit of pride stemming within him. He'd totally broken like, three laws last night, not to mention a ridiculous amount of rules set up at home. And he'd gotten away with it. Maybe for normal kids living in Bristol, that wasn't a big deal at all, but Roxas wasn't a normal kid. He'd always been far too under the radar to care for nonsense like getting in trouble. So to him, it was exciting. And not only that, he'd also kind of sorta gotten together with Axel, which in his book was perfect, since they were kind of sorta friends but pretty damn close to be _just _friends. Yeah, this night was definitely a good thing.

Oh, and that reminded him.

He slid open his cell phone and started typing out a message to Xion. _I'm breaking up with you… _it said. He was surprised when it vibrated a little over a minute later. He wasn't expecting his friend to be up so damn early. It was only just getting to be six thirty.

_Tragic :P _it said, _How could you do this to me?_

Smirking, he typed back, _So sorry. Things just aren't working out :'( but it's really not you, it's me. I've found somebody else and blah blah blah_

_Oh shit really!? :O _she texted.

_Yep._

_LOL is he a good kisser?_

_Shut up._

_Is he?_

_Yeah…_

_LOL_

He didn't reply, due to his utter hatred of the word lol. She didn't push any more conversation with him, thankfully, but she was probably changing her relationship status on facebook at that very moment. Roxas hoped that she wouldn't make a big fuss like everyone else seemed to. It was _suck _if word got around and his mom found out.

"Who could you possibly be texting at such an ungodly hour?" Axel asked curiously.

"Xion," said Roxas. He realized that probably didn't sound too good considering he and the girl were supposed to be in a relationship, but he was too goddamn tired and lazy to bother trying to come up with anyone better. Besides, it was about time to drop the dumb façade anyway. Xion got what she wanted. And though he hated admitting it to himself, Roxas did too.

Axel nodded, but he kept his eyes on the road like a responsible driver should. "So did you seriously do all that boyfriend girlfriend stuff with her just to see what my reaction would be? Or were you just whackjob talking last night?"

"Hey, hey, hey, first of all, that was _not _my idea!" Roxas insisted. "That one was all her! Well, first it was Aqua, she was all like 'OHHH EM GEE, you are SOO in love with AXEL' and I was like 'the fuck?' and then—oh yeah, that dream I told you about happened too—so then Xion was like 'I like you' and I was like 'sorry to hear that' and THEN she has the AUDACITY to say 'Aqua says you're taken' and things went from there. _I _was innocent. If it weren't for all of their efforts, this probably never would have happened. You know better than to think I'd orchestrate that all by myself."

"And the camping bit, was that part of their plan too?" Axel asked skeptically.

"Fuck no," said Roxas, "If it were, I'd'a told them to calm their crazy asses down. That one was me, cause I felt bad for ditching you on Saturday. I came up with it when Aqua told me she was working third shift. She was all for it, though. Now that I think about it, she was probably plotting the whole thing behind my back. Fucking woman's always being so intrusive.

Axel laughed with him. They were now approaching the parking lot of a McDonalds. "Hey, well, for what it's worth, I'm glad they decided to butt in. Drive through or sit in?"

"Sit in," said Roxas, "I could so go for an egg mcmuffin."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Check it out! Two chapters in one day! I kinda felt bad about the last one, since virtually **_**nothing **_**happened and it was mega short.**

* * *

"So… how do you wanna do this?" Axel asked a wee bit awkwardly. It was Wednesday morning, the day before Roxas turned eighteen. They'd avoided the park for several days, more or less just lounging around and watching TV. Today it was mutually agreed that life in their neighborhood was too boring and it was time to return. It was a gorgeous day out, just warm enough to be enjoyable, but not enough to be stifling. There were very few clouds in the sky, and the crowd was huge.

At the moment, they were seated atop the wall around the large flower garden at the front, right before the ticket booths and such. People were crowded all around them, but nobody was looking at them. Roxas wondered idly if that would change if they started holding hands.

"I don't know," said Roxas honestly. "How do you?"

"Well I don't know either. I mean do you wanna act normal like nothing's changed or walk around like a couple of indifferent fags or—"

"It doesn't matter," Roxas stated flatly.

"—because I know you don't really like drawing more attention to yourself than you have to or when people look at you. Plus, like, my hair is kind of a head turner already."

"Damn it Axel, I'm really tired of giving a damn about what other people think," said Roxas hotly. "No more. See this?" he pointed to his face. "This is the new epitome of not-giving-a-fuck. If you don't want to hold my hand or whatever cause it makes you uncomfortable, that's _fine._ If you do want to, that's fine too. I don't care if you want to go on the goddamn Ferris Wheel with me or kiss me on rollercoasters, because I don't feel like trying to pretend like we're anything but what we are!"

Axel stared at him for a minute. "You know, that might be the most non-prickly thing you've said to me, ever," he said, astonished. "But… if you don't mind my asking, what are we, exactly? I keep trying to think of what we could call it, but I'm kind of just coming up blank."

"Titles are overrated," said Roxas. "We'll be our own brand of together."

The redhead slapped the cement wall harshly, a giant grin on his face. "And _that, _if definitely the sappiest thing you've said to me, ever. Our own brand of together, you say? I think I could live with that."

Roxas had barely enough time to close his eyes before Axel's lips met his. Right there! In the center of the entrance lot, for everybody to see! It wasn't like they were trying to vacuum each other's faces off, nothing conspicuous, in fact it was rather nice. Perhaps Roxas could let it slide.

It was over as quick as it started. When Roxas opened his eyes, he saw that nobody was staring at them. Not one person. No one noticed the two gay guys kissing on the flower wall. They were all too focused on their own business. And that was when Roxas realized that the entire world really was not out to get him. Not that he'd ever had that _exact _impression like a paranoid freak, but to tell the truth, Roxas was sort of afraid of people. He was afraid of being too noticed, too social, too anything. Because when people noticed you, people hurt you.

But maybe life wasn't like high school. Maybe once they were out in the world, people got so wrapped up in their own stupid lives that it didn't matter to them if you were different. Roxas wondered if maybe people quit trying to bully the weak ones to suicide once they had to take care of themselves.

When Roxas looked back at Axel, he looked kind of sheepish. "Was that okay?" he asked.

"…yeah," said Roxas, trying to keep nonchalant and hide his smile. Smiling and blushing and giggling was for faeries. And while maybe probably definitely Roxas _could _be classified as a faggot, he was _not _going to stoop to the title faery. He wasn't a faery before he liked Axel, so fuck if he was gonna become a faery after.

But they were allowed to hold hands. That's what Roxas decided. He slipped his hand casually into Axel's like it was the most natural thing in the world. He was a little nervous, slightly giddy, and very relieved. People still weren't looking at them. But Axel was looking at him. He had a really stupid grin on, so Roxas made a face. They knocked shoulders for a while until Axel decided it was time to get up and go in.

It was funny, really. Everyone working the ticket booths knew them by name. They didn't even request to see their passes anymore, let just wished them a good day and let them right in. Sometimes they even stopped to have short conversations. But not today. Today there was a very nice old gentlemen there, and he waved them through without a word. He didn't care that Roxas Winters was a fag, and neither did anybody else.

"Thirsty?" Axel asked passively as they went their usual route, round to the first torturous drink booth.

"Only if you go get them. I could go without for now," said Roxas.

They watched as a little blonde girl with girly pigtails ran squealing away from the stand, apparently being followed by an abnormally large yellow jacket.

"Yeah we can skip for now," said Axel quickly, a familiar cringe setting into his features, "S'just as well, I've already had one coffee today, don't need to be spending the whole day in the bathroom. Do you want to hang out in the water park today? It just occurred to me that we like, _never _spend any time in there."

Roxas wasn't in denim today. He was wearing simple basketball shorts. Axel, he noticed for the first time that day, was wearing a bathing suit. It was a Hawaiian style pair of trunks, navy blue with white flowers. He wondered how often Axel wore it. Was he supposed to notice things like that now?

"Sure," Roxas agreed. "I could use a swim."

And by 'swim,' Roxas meant 'sit around in the shallow waters and watch as Axel helped little kids play on the pirate ship.' And by 'watch,' he meant 'ogle.' At first it was on purpose, just to see if he really saw anything different in him physically. He wasn't expecting to, but actually he did. He just… couldn't tear his fucking eyes away. Axel had this _perfect, _toned chest, sun-kissed from all the time they spent outside. And his collarbones, oof!

It was completely embarrassing, but the one physical feature that Roxas looked for in people more than anything else was collarbones. He seriously _judged _people by their collarbones. Which was also very inconvenient for him, because more often than not women thought he was looking at their breasts instead. He looked at those too, but not nearly as often as collarbones. Axel's jutted out beautifully, framing his already gorgeous chest. He had a very leaned figure… did he work out? He couldn't possibly, he spent every day with Roxas. Damn, some assholes get all the luck.

And it didn't help that he was wet. Every little droplet of water running down his body drew Roxas' eyes. He imagined it arched back in pleasure, with his face all twisted up, moaning Roxas' name softly…

Roxas shook his head vigorously. He was in a sopping wet bathing suit, there was _no _way he was going to let himself get all hot and bothered here. He marched right over to the pirate ship and waited, foot tapping, for Axel to appear at the base of one of the bigger slides.

When Axel splooshed to the bottom, he rubbed his eyes and glanced up at Roxas. "Well hi there!" he said cheerfully.

"We're going over there," said Roxas, pointing to the watery child's wonderland. Equipped with squirt guns, ropes bridges that were a bitch to cross, water spouts everywhere, and a giant bucket that dumped water over the entire thing once a minute, Splash Harbor was a favorite of all children and immature boys alike.

And Axel was almost as immature as they got. The boys ran together, not even caring about the hot pavement their skin slapped against or the fact that they'd left their shirts over on some random lounge chair. But that didn't matter. As long as they had Axel's car keys and Roxas' wallet (plastic baggies, Axel's idea) it didn't really matter if two dumb shirts weren't there when they got back.

"Race you to the top!" Axel shouted jubilantly, sprinting over to one entrance to the playset and leaving Roxas to the one closer to them. Always ready to accept a challenge, Roxas set to it immediately. Around kids, past water jets, and up rope latters he scrambled, trying to reach that one spot under the bucket before Axel. Suddenly the bucket dropped, soaking him and getting water in his eyes. Try as he might not to recoil, there really wasn't anything he could do with water in his eyes.

His target was within reach, he was so close. Just past these plastic cones and then—

_Trip._

He fell and faceplanted on the ground. _Fuck. _

"Hey, are you okay?!" Axel shouted over the sound of kids yelping as the bucket dropped again.

Roxas gingerly touched his nose. It didn't feel broken, at least. "Yeah," he groaned, sitting up and wiping away a nosebleed, "It's probably gonna be swollen. I hope you know that you're automatically forfeiting the race for this one."

"Yeah yeah, want me to kiss it better?" Axel teased.

"Don't even think about it," Roxas growled. "I'll kill you."

"I know," said Axel, helping him to his feet. "I know."

~o~

Roxas woke up early on the morning of his birthday. He didn't mean to, it wasn't like he was a little kid rushing down the stairs on Christmas morning or anything. He didn't even go downstairs until he was sure his mother had left for work. Unlike Axel's dad, she _was _a chore to be around. Hopefully she wouldn't come home until Aqua, Demyx, Xion, and Axel had already arrived. The only time she wasn't a bitch was when she had company over.

He'd hoped that maybe now that the day had come, he would feel a bit older. A bit more mature, a bit wiser, a bit _anything. _But that was dumb of him. He was still a stupid high school senior without a major picked out. His phone was vibrating off the hook from birthday notifications on facebook; people who didn't even _know _him would comment on his wall just because they could see the date. He wished he could change it and see how many people really remembered. He'd probably get one from his grandma and one from Axel, if he was lucky. As if he needed reminding that he was a legal adult.

Roxas sat on his bed and contemplated that for a while. A legal adult. Technically he could move out of his parents' house today if he wanted to. He could click the 'I am over 18' button they had on most porn sites and not be lying about it. He could order all those things off TV that 'you must be eighteen or older to call.' He could vote, he could buy cigarettes, and he could play the lottery. All he _couldn't _do was buy alcohol. But, truth be told, he really didn't care about _any _of those things.

Now, suddenly, he was being thrown into the adult world. He was sure that after all his party guests had gone home, his mom was going to give him a nice long speech about accountability and his lack of job and all that bullshit she liked to throw on him. In fact he wouldn't be surprised if she started making him pay rent. It was no secret that she preferred Sora to him for being the firstborn son. Sora, at least, could make decent macaroni and cheese.

He ran his hand through his hair. Where had those eighteen years gone? He thought he'd had so much _time _to try to get his life together. He had his _entire _life up to this moment to make a plan. But he still came up blank. _Nothing _came to mind when he thought of something he might want to do for a career. He wasn't good at anything except avoiding things, and that wasn't going to do him very much good in the long run, to be sure.

When the clock hit eleven, Roxas busied himself by tidying up. The living room was easy; fold up blankets, put them away, dust. The bathroom was easy too; pour some cleaner in the toilet, scrub it around with the brush, flush. Make sure the sink was clear. Roxas had his mother's instructions burned into his skull, as she had a tendency to repeat them every single time she asked him to do his chores. The kitchen was the biggest bitch, simply because there were so many places for things to collect and a constantly replenishing amount of dishes that needed washing.

Because Roxas simply despised vacuuming, he didn't do it. If nothing stuck to the bottoms of his bare feet, the floor didn't need vacuuming. That was his policy. He finished off by putting a load of his laundry into the washing machine. That he'd invited guests over to an unclean house was _not _going to be on Mother's list of things to rant about tonight, no sir-ry.

At twelve, he tried making some toast. He burned it. He settled for bread and butter instead.

At one, there came a knock on the door. The facebook event he'd scheduled for his party said that it didn't start until two, so he could only assume it was Axel. That was okay, since Roxas didn't have anything to do but laze around and watch television until people started coming. So he shouted 'it's open!' and waited for Axel to let himself in.

"Hey, birthday champ!" said Axel in an enthusiastic, parent-like coo. "I'm just gonna be up front and say I got you a movie gift card for your birthday, because the Dark Knight Rises comes out next week and I'll kill you if we don't get to see it."

Roxas laughed airily. "Always the selfless one, you are. Thank you."

"You'll get another one in a bit," the redhead replied casually. He swaggered into the room like he owned the place and plopped down right on the couch next to Roxas. "So, what's it like being eighteen? Is it empowering?"

Roxas shook his head. "I feel exactly the same as I felt yesterday. Which isn't really a nice feeling."

"Buzzkill," said Axel, tsking. He knocked him hard on the back. "C'mon! Don't be a zombie! Why can't you be pumped and excited to turn eighteen? Most kids look forward to this day from the moment their parents said no to their first piercing! You can do whatever you want now."

"No I can't," said Roxas, shaking his head. "And that's why it sucks. Now there are so many things that I _have _to do. By this time next year, I'm going to have to have a job, a college, and probably my license. It's funny… when I was twelve, I had everything all planned out. On my eighteenth birthday party, I was gonna be popular, with a ton of friends, a slip n slide, a car, and a girlfriend. Now look at me. I've only got like, half of one of those things."

Axel pouted, "Awe come on, I think my overall adorableness accounts for the lack of boobs."

"That's not what I meant!" said Roxas with a laugh. "…okay, that is what I meant. That's okay, though. I don't want a girlfriend. I had a pretend one for like, a week, and that was _frustrating. _If real girls are half as much work as she was, then I really don't want one."

"Hey Roxas…" Axel muttered.

"Mm?"

"I'm gonna talk, and you shouldn't interrupt me until I'm done, kay?"

"…all right?"

Axel cleared his throat and looked at the floor. "I know you aren't sappy or anything like that. You aren't doting or romantic. And I don't expect you to be!" he tacked on quickly, waving his palms in a defensive manner. "That'd be…strange of you. But because you aren't sappy, doting, or romantic, it's hard to tell whether or not you—god I don't want to say it like this, because it makes me seem like a poetry-writing emo fag—okay, it's hard to tell whether you really care or not. Whether or not you're serious about being… _with _me. So I'm gonna ask you, and you can just say yes or no: do you care about me more now than you did last week?"

"Huh," said Roxas, contemplating it for a moment. "No."

"No?"

"Don't look so heartbroken. No, I care about you exactly the same now as I did last week, the only difference between now and last week is that I figured out that you mean a hell of a lot more to me than I originally thought." He chewed on his lip. "And it's an overwhelming amount compared to what I'm used to. So… yeah. I sure hope that's enough for you, because I'm not going to try and decorate that with fancy words."

Axel chuckled a veryrelieved chuckle. "Yeah, that's okay," he said breathlessly. "That's more than okay."

"Well, come on, you gonna kiss me now or what?" asked Roxas, a little smirk crawling over his face. "It's my birthday after all."

"You betcha," said Axel, putting one arm around Roxas' shoulders and tipping his chin up with the other.

Roxas melted into this kiss right away. It just felt so _nice, _the way all of them did. Honestly, he wasn't really _sure _what good kisses were supposed to feel like, because he had nothing for comparison, but that bothered him not, because Axel's really _really _didn't disappoint. They were lazy, soft, and warm; and Axel's arms were the perfect place to hang out in if he wanted to forget everything. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud.

This kiss was a bit different from the rest of them due to the simple fact that, aside from the first night, which was really quite fuzzy to Roxas anyway, the only time they'd ever kissed was in public. Hands touched his ribs, which unwisely prompted him to open his mouth to speak, or gasp, or _something _like that… but he couldn't remember, because Axel had slid his tongue in deep, stroking smoothly over his own before withdrawing it and doing it all over again.

Overwhelming as it may have been at first, Roxas got used to it quickly enough to respond for the next one. He followed Axel's advances and retractions with his own tongue to create a soft, pulsating effect. He never imagined kissing boys could be like this. Then again, he never imagined any kissing with any kind of extensive detail. They really hadn't had a deep kiss since the first, and Roxas wasn't exactly clear headed during the first. In fact, it seemed more to him as if he'd imagined it. The only proof he had that it _did _happen was, well, the fact that he and Axel were pretty much involved now, if that was the right word for it.

Calling themselves boyfriends just didn't seem to fit. It was too much yet not enough. They were definitely more than friends, unless it's common practice for one to kiss their friends, and these kind of kisses didn't belong in truth or dare, either. He wouldn't go as far as to call them lovers. It's such a loaded word, and to be totally honest, Roxas knew they were kind of too young for heavy stuff like that. They just... coexisted.

Roxas was never very social. Aside from Axel, there never really was anyone in my life he could open up to. But that was fine, because Axel was overly social. In the same way, Roxas was always smart, whereas Axel was always just average in the brains department. Roxas couldn't dance, he could. Axel couldn't sing, Roxas could.

Roxas never asked him if he could write poetry, but he was certain that, if he asked him to, Axel could probably do a much better job than he was to describe just what they were to each other. But what he did know was that Axel was important. Possibly _the _most important person in his life. He'd never _ever_ admit it, because he wasn't that guy, but he _knew _that Axel was the only person that believed in him. Axel knew him and _got _him, and didn't expect the world from him. He was the only one ever to encourage Roxas, or make any attempts to comfort him when he was upset.

As that realization dawned on him, Roxas threw his arms around Axel, clinging to him and kissing him harder, tilting his head further to add more pressure and explore deeper. Sloppy and inexperienced as he may have been, Axel didn't seem to be complaining, not in the slightest. His warm hands slid, feathery light, from Roxas' ribs to the small of his back, where he caressed him gently. Roxas felt high from excitement. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad birthday after all—

"_Roxas James Winters!"_

—perhaps he'd spoken much too soon.

"Mom!" he gasped as they sprang apart. "Y-you're home early?"

Suzanna Winters was not impressed. She stood in the doorway, work bag still tucked between folded arms, tapping her pumps against the kitchen floor. Her mouth was pulled into a tight, thin line, and her eyes looked like if they _really _tried, they could cut right through a person. "Young man, would you like to explain to me what you're doing?"

Maybe it was that awful, shrill tone that got him, maybe it was the fact that he had hardly ever gotten a proper kiss without it being ruined or, quite possibly he was finally just _snapping_. Whatever it was made him scream, "What does it _look _like I was doing? I know you can be deaf sometimes, but are you _blind _too?"

"Don't you talk to me like that!" she screeched. Poor Axel wasn't used to seeing her much, let alone witnessing her scream; he looked like he just wanted to sink into the couch and disappear. Roxas made a mental note to apologize to him for it later. "And you tell me right now, why were you k -_kissing _Lea?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. He just wasn't in the mood to be afraid of his mom. "It's called _mutual attraction, _mom. Most people experience it at some point in their lives. Obviously you had to, because I'm here. _Not _that we're having sex," he added for clarification. There was no need for her to get angrier about things that hadn't even happened yet. "_Yet…" _he muttered. The color drained from her face.

"Wha—but… Roxas, how could you be gay?!" she asked, mortified. "How _could _you?"

"I'm not _gay, _Mom," he said angrily. "I'm bisexual. _Get over it, _because I'm not going to change it for you."

She covered her mouth, falling against the wall. "I can't believe this… how can you do this to me? My own son…"

"How could I do this to you_?!_" he shouted, well beyond annoyed and irritated now. "How could _I, _do this to _you?!_ How could _you _do this to me?! You're my _mother! _You're supposed to accept me, no matter what! I'm supposed to be able to _rely _on you! Why do you think I didn't come to _you _when I first started to question it?! Cause I knew you'd take it this way. Not only have you been _extremely _rude to my guest, you've also ruined my birthday and pretty much knocked my dick in the dirt, all within two minutes. How do you feel, mom?"

"Whoa, _what _is going on down here?" Sora asked, poking his head down into the room from some of the higher stairs. His face split into a wide grin, "Oh yeah! Happy birthday, Roxas! Anyway, I heard shouting—"

"Go to your room, Sora!" Suzanna shouted, "This isn't your business!"

Because she didn't take her glare away from the boys on the couch, Sora curiously pointed between the two of them and then crossed together his fore finger and his middle finger as if to ask 'together?.' Trying not to break eye contact too many times with his fuming mother, Roxas jerked his head down once. Sora mouthed, "Ooh," making a scrunched up face, "Sorry." And then he slinked back up the stairs and out of sight.

Roxas' mom seemed to be beyond words. She was looking silently between them, her face red with angry blotches showing up on her forehead. Roxas sighed. He'd known it was going to be bad when she found out, but he didn't think she would go this far, especially in front of company. Usually she was above embarrassing herself in front of anyone that could contribute to neighborhood gossip. Although with the way she was shouting, she probably wouldn't _need _Axel to spread the word.

"_You,_" she snarled, zeroing in the redhead. "This is _your _fault._ You've _ruined this family!"

"Don't you _dare,_" Roxas screamed, standing up. For the first time, _he _would be the front man and protect Axel from confrontations with scary people. "This is _not _his fucking fault! _First _of all, I came to him, because he's one of the only people on this fucking planet I can talk to! And another thing, if anyone is responsible for tearing this family apart, it's _you. _It's _your _fault you came in and freaked out. Nobody else cares! Sora knows, and he doesn't care! And maybe dad might not like it, but at least he doesn't throw a bitch fit every time something doesn't go his way!"

"GET OUT!" she screamed. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN."

Roxas didn't need telling twice. He didn't even bother going upstairs to try and salvage anything. He just took Axel by the hand (quite intentionally), helped him up, and led him out the front door. He didn't stop, he didn't slow down, and he didn't look back. He wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of waiting for her to not change her mind.

To everyone else, he looked brave. Maybe a little saucier than he had to be, but brave and strong nonetheless. He'd never expected acceptance from his mother, but he hadn't been prepared to deal with the rejection yet. Not only was he a hopeless teenager without a clue, now he was a _homeless _helpless teenager without a clue. It was perfectly legal for his mom to boot him out on the street. He was an adult. The fact that she'd so readily do that to him… it hurt. Bad.

"I- I'm really sorry about that," he stammered, hanging his head and trying not to let Axel see the tears. Not even his own _mother _loved him anymore.

"Hey, don't worry about me," said Axel, removing his hand from Roxas' and wrapping his arm around him instead, giving him an awkward but comforting one-armed hug. "You realize you're staying with me now? At least until she comes around? _If _she comes around."

Sniffling, Roxas shook his head, "No, I- I couldn't—"

"You think I'm gonna let you live on the street?" Axel growled angrily. "Look, my dad's not gonna care. I told him the minute we got home from our camping day what happened, and you know what he says to me? He says, 'Let me know when Suzanna kicks him out, so I know when to start shopping for three.' Obviously I thought he was joking at the time, but… I guess he was right. So it's settled. You're gonna live at my house until she comes pounding on the door looking for you. And if that never happens, you're gonna live at my house until we can get our own place."

Roxas was ready to keep arguing, but he didn't have the strength to do it anymore. He'd spent it all on his mom. He nodded miserably, his eyes still to the ground.

It didn't take long for them to get to Axel's house. He hadn't bothered to drive his dad's car to Roxas' house, because it really did take less than five minutes to walk the distance between their houses. Roxas wondered if he'd ever be allowed to call his house home again. What would his parents do with his stuff? Would she have his dad bring it over to him and tell him good luck? Or would they just let Sora have his pick of what he wanted and sell the rest? Give it away? Would they rent his room out? Would they ever glance at the empty spot at the dinner table?

He didn't register the frustrated tear dripping soundlessly from his eyes until Axel said, "Hey, hey, come on, enough with the waterworks." He cupped Roxas' cheek with his hand, which Roxas surprised himself by leaning into. Hey, guys could be weak too sometimes, and he needed the comfort. "Everything's going to be fine. Does the prospect of living with me suck that bad?"

"No," Roxas half laughed, half sobbed. "The prospect of my mom hating me does."

To that Axel had nothing to say. He knew better. Because of the vast amount of things Roxas Winters hated, dishonesty was very high up on this list. Axel could tell him that everything was going to be fine, because it would be. Life always went on, whether you wanted to heal or not. But he couldn't tell Roxas that his mother didn't hate him, because she did. She wasn't just angry with him. She hadn't just blown a fuse. She really truly didn't love him.

And the hard truth was, she probably never had.

"I'm going to text everyone. Let 'em know the party's been moved over to here, if that's okay," said Roxas stonily.

Axel looked taken aback. "Are you sure you still want to have a party? You don't have to, you know. If you don't want them to know, we don't have to tell them. You don't have to have it here just as an excuse for not having it over there."

"I don't want to _think," _said Roxas. "And what's more mindless than hanging out with a bunch of losers like you?"

He smirked at Axel. Axel could see that he was trying, but there really wasn't any missing the sadness in his eyes. But, the hell with it if he wasn't going to let his brave little solider fight. So he smirked right on back and hit him in the shoulder. "All right. Go ahead and text them. My old man won't mind, as long as we don't leave a mess after."

"Right."

Everyone, of course, asked why the sudden switch of location, but Roxas deflected and told them to shut up and get their asses down there. He and Axel waited out front, using Axel's hair as a signpost for the occasion rather than the breath inflated balloons Axel had hung lamely off the garbage bin in front of Roxas' house.

But of course, once everyone was inside and sitting in a little circle in Axel's living room, Demyx began asking again, "Why the sudden change in location when your house is like, two feet down the street? Did you clog the toilets or something?"

At that point, Roxas couldn't avoid just telling them what had happened. He and Axel explained together the happenings between themselves and Roxas' mother. They listened quietly, for once, with sad eyes and low hanging shoulders. Some party, right?

There wasn't any cake, seeing as the ice cream cake that Roxas' dad picked up for him had been left behind in the freezer down the street (Roxas wondered idly if they would eat it without him tonight). Axel had managed to find a bag of Cheetos and some granola bars in the snack cabinets, and a half full bottle of soda in the refrigerator, but grocery day was Friday. Nobody minded though, or if they did, they didn't have anything to say about it.

The silence was long and stretching, until Demyx finally burst out with, "Hey guys, last night I had a dream that I was a flag!"

Nobody could keep from laughing at that, not even at Roxas.

"A flag!?" Axel exclaimed, clutching his ribs and doubled over. "How the fuck do you dream about being a flag?"

Demyx giggled as he explained. "It was weird, dude. I could feel the cords going through like, my shoulder blades I guess? But it didn't hurt, it kind of felt the same way as putting string through my gauges. And I was flapping, like… actually, I can't explain that one. You're just gonna have to use your imagination as to what it feels like to flap."

"And was that it?" said Roxas, interested. "The whole dream, did you just hang there and flap?"

"I'm pretty sure I might have bitten something, now that you bring it up," said Demyx thoughtfully.

"What kind of flag were you?" asked Xion eagerly.

Demyx turned his palms skyward. "I don't remember. Probably the American flag, because I think just the _nature _of the dream covers for more than enough for originality. But if given the choice, I'd rather be the flag of Libya."

"Why? What's it look like?" she replied.

"Nothing! It's just solid green!" said Demyx with jubilance. "Like a crayon."

"You're fucking weird," Axel snorted.

After Demyx got the ball rolling, things got a little easier. They migrated down into the basement, where they sat atop Axel's pool table and blew some balloons the redhead found next to the water heater. And once they'd gotten a little pile of balloons that they'd actually managed to tie and didn't send zooming around the room, they ended up popping them anyway—by sitting on them. That one was Aqua's idea; she insisted that nobody could have a proper eighteenth birthday party without popping at least one balloon with their ass. While Roxas had heard of this tradition, he couldn't exactly get out of it once they'd all started chanting "do it, do it, do it!"

Roxas opened his presents next. He'd _told _them not to get him anything, but did they listen? Nope. Aqua got him a pair of boxers with a four leaved clover on the ass that read 'Gettin Lucky Tonight.' He stuffed them over her head. From Demyx, a white short sleeved hoodie with a red hood and little black boxes checkering over the seams. A little stylish for Roxas' ordinary tastes, but he decided it would be wearable as long as it was countered by a pair of simple khakis.

Xion got him two things; an itunes gift card, and a framed picture of the entire gang. Of course, the only person who wasn't grinning like an idiot in the picture was Roxas, but at least he'd _tried _to offer a weak smile. He remembered when they got that taken. They'd asked one of the other staff members, a friend of Demyx's, to take it. It was actually a pretty dumb spot to get a group picture, now that Roxas looked at the background. It was right near the funnel cake factory. No awesome rides, no attraction, nothing even _remotely _memorable about the background except the Indian woman dragging her screaming children away.

Roxas still liked how it'd come out. He was standing between Axel and Xion, one of his arms draped casually over Axel's shoulder (the redhead had been squatting, for some reason) with Xion hanging off the other. Demyx and Aqua sat next to each other, pretzel style, right on the asphalt. Roxas decided that it was going on Axel's nightstand, whether he wanted it there or not.

"Wow… thanks," he said in awe. He then put the picture down and passed his thanks on to everyone else for their presents as well.

Present opening was followed by a wrapping paper fight, which was interrupted by Reno's arrival home from work. As soon as Axel explained briefly and vaguely that there was a misunderstanding and the party had to be moved, his dad let it drop completely and told them passively not to eat all of his Snickers and to throw away the damn wrapping paper when they were done with it.

The party broke up shortly after that anyway, though. Demyx had something to do with his grandmother or something like that and Aqua was his ride home. Xion stayed for a little bit longer, but she either felt uncomfortable or nervous because of her parents, because less than an hour after they left so did she, claiming that she was tired and should probably be on her way. It wasn't even seven o clock yet.

They put on the TV after that, but Roxas didn't really pay attention to what was on. Reno came poking in at some point after that, but it wasn't until after the sun had set.

"Hey kid, ain't seen you around in a while," he said conversationally. "Are ya staying the night?"

Before he could open his mouth to say yes, Axel bolted off the couch, saying quickly, "Uhhh dad? Can I talk to you for a second?"

~o~

After Axel explained to him in a hushed tone what had happened, Reno shouted, "Family meetin' at the table!" Roxas didn't move.

"You. You're family. In," he'd said, staring at Roxas and pointing into the kitchen. Once at the table, he'd started the little speech.

"Okay Roxas. I don't have a problem with you staying here, but understand something: I gotta couple of rules just like anyone else if you're gonna be livin here, m'kay?"

Roxas nodded his head silently as he prepared for the list to come. He'd been expecting as much. It couldn't have been much worse than what he dealt with at home, after all.

"First of all, you can't touch my Fender," he said, an amusing amount of seriousness to his tone. "That's rule number one, you never touch the Fender. Number two, pull your own weight. With just me n' Axel here normally, we don't take turns doing the dishes or nothin like that; it's every man for himself. Wash your own plates, do your own laundry, wipe your own ass."

Roxas nodded again. That seemed just fine to him.

"All right and this last one here isn't so much of a rule, just a kind of request. I don't know how long you're going to be here. It could be a day, it could be a year, it could be until you get your own place; I don't know. But I'd 'preciate it, if you are still here, that you got a job by the time you graduate. That's what I expect from Axel, that's what I expect from you. It's not something you need to worry about right now, just know that depending on what your plans are after high school, I may want to start collecting rent or asking you to buy your own groceries. That understood?"

"Yes sir," said Roxas immediately. "I'll start looking tomorrow."

Reno waved his hand around. "Re_lax, _Roxas. I told ya, you don't need to worry about it right this second. Enjoy your last damn summer at least, that's what I told Axel to do. It'll be easier to find one once the school year starts, anyhow. All the positions from summer jobs'll be open and people'll be hiring for holiday work."

"Kay…" said Roxas quietly, staring at his feet, "Is that everything?"

"Think so," said Reno, standing up. "I don't do the whole babysitting thing. You can set your own curfews and whatnot. As long as Axel can manage his allowance enough to keep gas in my car, nothing's broken, and I don't see any men in uniforms at my door asking for you, I really don't care what you do. You're both big kids now, s'time you get a chance to ride without training wheels."

Just as he was about to disappear into the hallway, he poked his head back in the room. "Oh, and one more thing. Please do not _fuck _while I'm around," he said bluntly. "Or if you gotta, do it _quietly. _I don't need to hear that shit at two in the morning while I'm trying to get m' beauty sleep."

"Oh my _god!_" Roxas exclaimed, dropping his head onto the table. He was sure it had turned beet red and he had been silently hoping that Reno wouldn't bring up their relationship at all. Axel seemed less than fazed, in fact he laughed with his father at Roxas' embarrassment. There was a surprise.

When they were sure that he actually _was_ gone, Axel scooted closer to him and hugged him briefly round the middle. "That wasn't bad, see?"

"Not except the last part," Roxas mumbled, still red. He stifled a yawn. "I know it's only like, quarter after eight, but I'm really fucking tired. It's been a long day."

"Welcome to adult life," said Axel dryly. "We can go to bed if you like. I don't mind."

Roxas didn't sleep on the pullout bed that night.

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**A/N I know. Cliché. Cliché as goddamn fuck. Just… I don't know, review like nice little readers and I'll toss in some smut.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Well hello there, everybody! It's been awhile, hasn't it? I've been crazy busy with school and looking for work and all that but I PROMISE, I haven't given up on **_**Perfectionist. **_**Or anything else, for that matter. I'm just sort of on holiday, I guess. I swear, it's the winter time. I think I get clinically depressed during winter, it's awful. Anyway! Here ya go, have a smut.**

* * *

Despite the overly depressing mood caused by Roxas' mom, the boys still visited Lake Compounce almost every day. Granted, there were some days where Roxas just wanted to stay at home and swim or watch TV or just all around mope, and those days came a lot more often than before, but things hadn't changed _that _much. They tried to make life normal, anyway.

Normal meant bickering. Normal meant arguing over who was going to get soda and who was going to pack sandwiches for the day (since Roxas' allowance money had been cut off). Normal meant laughing over meaningless things. Normal meant sitting on benches and scoping out girls with the nicest breasts. Normal meant doing so whilst holding hands.

Normal did _not _mean a visit from Roxas' father. But they received one anyway, during either the last week of July or the first week of August. Roxas wasn't sure of the exact date, as he'd stopped bothering keeping track pretty much since summer had begun. Anyhow, this day was grim all over.

It was one of Roxas' more unhappy days. First, he'd woken up _much _too early and was therefore already put in the mood of a PMSing girl, and second, it was the worst kind of humid and cloudy. There wasn't any rain, but the wind was strong enough to make the house creak. Needless to say, they didn't go to the park that day.

All the way up until noon, Axel and Roxas spent time apart. Roxas did his laundry and then went on the computer; Axel cleaned his room and then watched television. They were both firm believers that if they wanted to avoid hating one another, that they would need to respect one another's need for personal time and space. It was a pretty good system, in Roxas' opinion.

But after a while, Roxas had had enough of it and joined Axel on the couch. That was where they stayed until there came a loud knocking on the door.

"You should get that," Axel said lazily, withdrawing his arm from around Roxas' shoulders.

"_You_ get it. It's your house," Roxas replied.

"Yeah but you live here too now," Axel whined.

"Whatever."

He grumped and griped as he stood up from the couch, flexing his aching limbs and making his way for the door. It was probably some UPS guy that needed signing for, he imagined. It wasn't until _after _he'd swung the door open that he realized just how wrong he was.

Sora Winters Sr. had aged undisputedly since the last time Roxas had seen him. Not that Roxas saw him very often, but he did live with the man. Or, he used to. He looked tired and scruffy, and there were definitely more grey hairs present. He was dressed in business clothes, but rather than the briefcase he usually carried around, he had a blue backpack in hand that used to belong to Sora. Little Sora, obviously.

"Dad…" Roxas breathed, staring. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Axel had obviously heard, because Roxas heard shifting in the other room and, before long, Axel appeared in the archway. He didn't approach yet, but he watched the scene unfold, ready to jump out and defend Roxas, either verbally or physically if things got out of hand.

Mr. Winters looked incredibly uncomfortable. Or not as uncomfortable as much as nervous; he was constantly looking behind his shoulder. "I snuck over for my lunch break. I've been trying to find a good time, but your mother's not having it. She… she doesn't know I'm here. She'd prefer I not be here."

"Why are you here then?" said Roxas, crossing his arms.

His father took a breath. "They told me everything, both of them. I got Sora's perspective before hers, but either way you've proven to be a much braver man than I am."

"I don't understand," said Roxas.

"I came to apologize," the old man said, "I know I don't deserve to be forgiven. I should have come straight back for you the second I heard about what happened. But… well, you and I both know how afraid I am of your mother. And I just want to say I'm proud of you for standing up to her the way you did. Can… can I come in? I won't be long."

Roxas looked over to Axel and exchanged nods with him. He said nothing, but ushered his dad in with a little jerk of the head. There was a bench-like little loveseat near the door, which he pointed at for his dad to sit down on. Roxas didn't much feel like sitting, least of all next to his dad, so he paced back and forth in front of the couch, waiting for the man to speak.

"Son…" he began, gaining Roxas' attention. "I've known about this for a while. Before your mother found out. Well, I didn't _know _know but I had my suspicions. And to be completely honest, I don't care in the slightest. Yeah, it kinda depresses me that I'm probably not gonna get a grandkid out of you, but we've always got Sora. Your mother… she's just shocked, that's all."

"She kicked me out," Roxas pointed out behind gritted teeth. "I think that's a little bit _beyond _shocked."

His dad sighed and looked at the floor. "I know she did. But I want you home. Sora and I both want you home. I know I'm not the most… involved father in the world, but I still like having you around. I managed to convince her not to throw away any of your stuff yet, anyway. Just give her time to cool off. She'll come around, okay? We'll make things better."

"You always say that," said Roxas. "Every time she pulls something like this! You just say, 'let her get over it,' and 'I'll make it better.' But it never gets better. It doesn't matter what I do, I can't do right by her, and you _know _that's the truth. I do every bit as much around here as I did back at home, except over here, I don't get yelled at for not being good enough. In fact, Reno finds it _disturbing _that I dust out of habit. You know how long it's been since I haven't felt like there's a constant _noose _tied around my neck?"

"But—"

"Tell you what. When she's 'cooled down,' you send her over here and have her apologize to me herself. I don't want yours. You're not the one making me miserable."

Roxas' dad looked stricken. "Y-yeah. You're right. Of course you're right. Okay, yeah, sure. We'll uh, just wait for that then. Sure. I'll just get back to work then. I umm, I brought you this just in case," he stuttered, holding up the backpack. "It's got your phone charger in it, your sneakers, your social security card, and whatever else of yours Sora could cram inside. Clothes, books, and games, if I would take a guess."

"Thanks. I appreciate you coming down," said Roxas honestly. "Really. But I don't want to go back there yet. I'm not ready to face her."

The man got up off the couch, looking back and forth between them. Roxas wasn't sure what to think. He _hated _that he wasn't welcome at his own home. He _hated _it, yet he really wasn't ready to go back. He didn't want to go back to the constant nagging and the disapproval and the bitching when he lived the same life where he was, only quieter. He wasn't planning on staying forever, but likely till the end of the summer, he figured. Maybe then they could see.

His dad walked over to him and hugged him. It was one of those hugs that only a dad gave. Big, with lots of arm but not much head. Roxas hugged back, finding himself needing it more than he realized. Maybe he didn't see his dad too much, but he did appreciate him. He had always been more decent and less abrasive towards Roxas.

"Sorry…" they muttered at the same time.

"Right, well, I have to go," the man said, heading for the door. "I'll update you if anything changes."

And then he was gone, leaving Roxas feeling even more depressed than he had when he first got up. When he saw his dad at first, he'd been hoping that maybe his mom had already forgiven him and had been asking for him. He'd hoped that just maybe, she'd seen the error of her ways. But all he'd received was the confirmation that yes, she was still pissed, and she was still her same old self. What kind of a person would really prefer to live without her son, gay or not? Maybe she'd just been looking for the excuse to get rid of him all along.

Axel hadn't moved. He was watching Roxas concernedly, looking torn between trying to comfort him and giving him some time to himself.

"I'm going to go take a shower," Roxas decided quickly. "Clear my head some, you know?"

"Sure," Axel said, nodding perhaps more enthusiastically than normal. It was an awkward situation, after all. "Go on ahead. Give me a shout if you need something."

Roxas nodded and rushed to the bathroom. He didn't want Axel to see him so bothered, since in all honesty the whole thing _really_ got to him, just as bad as when she first kicked him out. Even after weeks, she still felt no remorse for him. He tried to bid himself rid of the depressing thoughts as he turned the hot water on and stepped under the spray, but he couldn't seem to do it. He just wanted to forget about everything but the easy stuff.

Once the heat started to soak into his skin, he felt a little better. The chilled tip of his nose warmed back up again, and he shivered violently as the water ran down the goose pimples on his legs that he didn't even realize he had. What he needed was some good freaking stress relief.

_Knock knock!_

Roxas yelped and jolted, slipping and almost falling as he shouted, "What?!" to the other side of the door.

Try as he might, he could not for the life of him make out what Axel was yelling from out there. He leaned over and strained to hear as he repeated, "_WHAT?!"_

The door opened and a sliver of cold air shot into the room, making Roxas growl with irritation. This time, he could hear, "I _said…_" and that was all.

"Still can't hear ya, buddy!" Roxas shouted, rolling his eyes.

"Oh fuck it!" Axel said. Sure, he could say _that _loud enough.

The curtain ripped back as the redhead stepped right into the shower with him. Right under the spray! With his clothes on and everything, while Roxas was completely bare! He could feel himself going deep red, but Axel wasn't looking at his body. He was looking at his face.

"I said 'Are you all right?" Axel said, at normal volume, since they could both hear each other clearly within the curtain.

"Is that all? You came all the way into the shower with me and got your denim fucking jeans all wet just to ask if I was okay when all I _ever _say when you ask that is 'fine?'" Roxas demanded incredulously.

Axel laughed. "Yeah, I guess so. And actually to ask if you needed anything. But if you don't, I guess I'll be on my way."

In the split second it took for Axel to go between finishing his sentence and turning away to walk out of the shower, Roxas made an insane, rash, only-the-kind-you-make-when-you're-emotionally-needy-and-in-the-shower- decision. He whipped his hand forward and locked it over Axel's wrist. "Don't go…" he said, perhaps not loud enough for Axel to hear.

The redhead turned around, now soaked from head to toe. "What is it? What do you need?"

Feeling pathetic and maybe a bit desperate, he said. "Make me forget."

Axel looked a little bit astonished, but Roxas saw hopefulness as well. "You mean…?"

He nodded breathlessly and impatiently, his heart speeding up like someone shot it full of amphetamines. Axel was looking at his body now, making him feel very vulnerable, since he couldn't see anything past the clinging fabric. He didn't know what to do, how to make himself look as appealing as possible.

It didn't matter, because in the next second Axel was kissing him passionately, pushing his tongue shamelessly between their open lips and sliding messily against Roxas'. Meanwhile, he forced the smaller gently against the slippery shower wall, caressing his torso with giant hands. Roxas, though prepared for the attack, could think much past the kiss. It was sexy and burning and forcing and _exactly _what Roxas wanted. He wanted _more, _he wanted it all, he wanted to experience Axel's tongue at its sexist, its most desirable.

In the heat of the moment, Roxas found himself doing something very brave. He slid his hands down the wet fabric of Axel's shirt until it met—_yuck—_wet denim, marking the transition from the redhead's back to…well, lower places that made Roxas blush to think about. But he didn't move his hands, aside for a quick little squeeze. At this point he was certain that he'd lost his mind, because he also ground his _bare _hips into Axel's denim covered groin.

Axel, of course, was whining like a little bitch, but the plan was definitely working. In fact, Roxas' tongue was actually beginning to ache from overuse, and the spot above his pelvic area was getting slightly irritated from the button on Axel's pants thrusting into it over and over again. Not that it mattered. His mind wasn't on concentrating on that. It was more or less concentrating on _Oh fuck hot more fuck more need heat need uggggh tongue deeper yes! _

He wasn't sure whether or not to call what they were doing dry humping. The actions were the same, yes, but everything was so… wet. Scalding hot water ran down their faces and over their bodies, which only added to the insane desire Roxas was feeling. He could only hope that Axel was as aroused as he was.

With a very wet parting sound, Roxas broke the kiss and, feeling up under the redhead's shirt, stood on his tiptoes to whisper into Axel's ear in his most sultry voice. "I want you…"

Axel pushed himself against Roxas in a full body grind as a response, and for the first time, Roxas was actually _glad _that they were both guys. Because that meant lots of testosterone, which led to being completely and utterly subject to one's libido at eighteen and almost-seventeen years old. A girl might have made a remark about not being ready or it not wanting to be used as an outlet, but not Axel. He was horny as fuck and Roxas could feel that under the guy's stupid soaked denim jeans.

"Would you take those off, please?" he moaned as Axel rocked into him over and over.

And then he was gone, and a wave of cold air seemed to slice through Roxas.

He looked around, disappointed, "Huh—"

And then Axel's head poked back in through the curtains. "Yeah, I'll take them off," he said, "but not in here. Can't fuck on a shower wall, hell no, I'd slip and you know it. And as hot as that would be, I don't think it's exactly the best place for a first time." He shot Roxas a sexy wink. "So get your hot ass out of the shower and into my bed."

Roxas felt a red hot blush searing across his already much-too-warm skin. Maybe he'd gotten used to kissing his ex-best friend by now, but hearing him talk _dirty _was new. And if he weren't so damn aroused, it would definitely be awkward. Thankfully, he was all the way hard and his mind was in way too much of a frenzy to care that much.

"O-okay," he said breathlessly, marveling at the amount of self-control Axel had to have to do that. Roxas certain didn't have much restraint when it came to sexual pleasure. It took everything he had to get himself clean, very poorly dried off, and over to Axel's room without jerking off his troublesome erection.

When he did get back, Axel was waiting. He'd taken his clothes off, as promised, and he was waiting with a sheet drawn up over his privates. Not that it hid anything. In turn, Roxas had himself covered with a bath towel, but that of course, didn't hide anything either. It wasn't anything either of them hadn't seen before, but obviously things were different now. Roxas didn't make eye contact with Axel as he let go of the towel and let it shimmy to the floor.

It was so quiet they could hear the wind creaking the panels of the house again. Being emotionally needy and in the shower was a good time to make insane, rash decisions, but what about when one was standing, stark naked in their male best friend/boyfriend's room with no idea of what to do or how to do it? Roxas had never watched gay porn before, and he didn't know the specifics of it. He could deduce as much as one could from watching a PG 13 movie, where all you could see of sex was an uncomfortable amount of skin and then the two main characters waking up the next morning. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

"No getting shy on me now," Axel said gently, yet teasingly at the same time. "Nothing to be embarrassed or awkward about, okay?"

It was a good thing Axel knew him so damn well, otherwise he might never have gotten over there despite his obvious state of arousal. But behind his shyness, he could feel Axel's burning gaze on him. As he walked forward, he chanced a look at the other's face. It was staring at him like he wanted more than anything to fuck his brains out. Roxas had never known what it felt like to be so wanted. It felt… really good.

"D-do you want to be on top or bottom?" he asked, blushing hard. He'd reached the bed now, and was working up the nerve to just climb on top of Axel and pick up where they left off.

Axel leaned up against the high stacked pillows and let Roxas take the sheet off so that there would be no layers separating them. _Okay all right don't panic __**don't panic **__so there's another dick in the vicinity and yours is basically lying on top of it okay it's no big deal because it's Axel and Axel isn't going to hurt you or make fun of you, right? _Roxas said to himself, his breath quickening.

"Which do you?" Axel replied, running warm fingers over Roxas' waist.

Roxas shivered. "I don't—know, I mean, like, I don't know how—"

"Right. Okay, I did some research, so I guess I'll be on top. S'that okay?"

"I guess I don't know I'm really nervous," Roxas blurted out. "Can we just— mmph!"

Axel yanked him down to connect their lips again, with as much heat as he had done in the shower. His thumbs were tracing circles over Roxas' hipbones now, and his lips were doing just as much caressing as his tongue had done. They went a little slower, with a languid rhythm of opening and closing of the mouths and a slow, leisurely rolling of the hips. This was really happening.

"You know _basically _how it works, right?" murmured Axel in between kissing.

"Like normal sex except w-with the b-back end?" Roxas stammered.

Axel chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, but you know how sometimes you can finger a girl first?" Roxas nodded. "Well, it's _necessary _for this, unless you want to be in a world of pain."

Right. Roxas knew it was supposed to hurt. His nerves were getting the better of him again, so he just said, "Okay, do what you gotta," and went down for another kiss. It was a bit more insistent that time, needy. But it didn't take him long to discover that if he didn't want to fall subject to awkwardness and anxiety, that he was going to have to instead fall subject to pleasure. Axel seemed to get this too, because he didn't try to talk again. He moved his hands in all the right places as Roxas did to him, turning them over so that Roxas was lying on his back, his legs spread open and crossed over the other's hips.

It was a while before Axel tried anything new on him, but when he did, he did it carefully. Distracted by the simply _amazing _necking Axel could do, Roxas hadn't noticed his hands working lower and lower, until they lay atop his ass. And certainly he _liked _it when they kneaded gently and played with him a little bit. In fact, the action made him buck his hips a little harder, kiss a little deeper, and even earn a shallow moan. What he did _not _like was the feeling that followed. This feeling of _intrusion. _

The finger was wet and slippery, covered with a slick… something. Without breaking the kiss, Roxas opened his eyes and looked around for something. When his eyes landed on the KY Jelly, his curiosity was satiated.

"Ow." He stated flatly and deliberately. "That. Fucking. Hurts."

"Sorry…" Axel mumbled, "Give it a minute."

With his free hand, Axel took hold of Roxas' penis and began stroking lightly. While that did nothing to ease the awful feeling, it did distract Roxas enough to allow it go all the way in. The pleasure was easier to focus on than the pain, because somehow, having someone else do it to you felt _so _much better than doing it yourself.

Roxas closed his eyes again and let it happen. He could feel that spark of heat coming on, that need to finish, but it was just hindered so much by that damn feeling in his ass. There was something there that shouldn't be, and he hated it.

"Still not getting used to it?" Axel asked.

Roxas shook his head. But surprisingly, when he felt the finger withdrawing, he didn't like that even more. His body _was _getting accustomed to it, like too much pain but with a bit of pleasure too.

"Wait," he said softly. "…leave it."

Smirking, Axel left it and continued. This time, rather than just leaving it there, he swirled it around a bit, testing the waters, all the while his hand still sliding over Roxas' junk. Roxas, feeling kind of pathetic just sitting there on Axel's lap, made himself a little more useful by reciprocating the redhead's actions. Very slowly and nervously, that is. He'd never given a hand job before, though he whacked himself off close to every day since he was thirteen, so it really couldn't have been that different. Axel seemed to be liking it well enough anyway, what with his head tossed back and all that.

And then, this really _awesome _thing happened. Roxas didn't know why or how, but something in the way Axel moved his finger inside made it not hurt any more. He made it feel _good. _Really good. He was glad, for the umpteenth time, that Axel knew him so well therefore making it almost impossible to be embarrassed near him, because he body arched and a moan ripped from his throat, neither of which by his consent.

"Oh god, do _that,_" he gasped. "That's good."

"Going in for finger number two. You ready?" Axel panted in the same voice.

"Just do it," said Roxas.

The second hurt just as much as the first, but at least Roxas was prepared this time, and at least he knew now about that special trick Axel had up his sleeve. Nevertheless, he grunted with the intrusion and jerked Axel faster, hoping maybe it would give him the impression that Roxas needed more too. He complied, sealing their lips together again. That was okay. That was comfortable and familiar.

Axel stopped stroking him for a moment to stop his hand from going too. "You're gonna have to not do that, or I'm gonna lose it."

Roxas nodded, flattered and pleased with himself. The second finger was starting to not hurt as much; in fact, it was just starting to acquire that pleasurable little tingle that made Roxas want to move. He did, although he tried not to go very hard in case he rolled his hips back up into Axel's again, which apparently Axel didn't want.

He wasn't sure how much time passed. It could have been seconds, minutes, maybe a half an hour, before Axel said. "That face you're making is really hot. And I really want you. Can I do it now? Is that… okay?"

Roxas buzzed with excitement. They were actually going to _do _it do it, and he wouldn't be a virgin anymore. He was really going to have sex with a guy. Not just any guy, Axel. And then he'd _have _to gloat to Sora, even if it was horrible, just for beating him to it. But now wasn't the time to think about that. Now was the time to slowly nod his head, swallow hard, and say, "Yeah, that's okay. Do you need me to turn around or…?"

"I can do if from the front if that makes you more comfortable," Axel offered.

It did. A lot. Roxas _hated _the idea of doing it like a couple of animals. He could never stand doggy style porn, or the idea of doing it that way. The fact that they could go missionary made him feel a lot better. Even when it came to sex, Roxas Winters was a pretty nitpicky guy.

Aside from a couple of passive glances and accidental stumbling upons, Roxas had never really looked at Axel's dick before. He'd kind of been afraid to. But now that they were all in position and ready to go, he might as well take a lot at what he was dealing with. Fingers were all the same size. He had no idea what _that _would be like in comparison. So he took a quick peek.

Huh. Actually, it wasn't so bad. It looked like it would fit, anyway. They both watched, Axel using his eyes as guides, Roxas using his as turn on devices. He never imagined that watching himself being penetrated would be so hot to watch, but boy was it. Just watching it made him want to go go _go_, even though he knew that would probably hurt a lot. His mouth hung open and his eyes were at half lid. Axel had done a good job preparing him, he was at a point where the ache was still there, but manageable.

Then it was in. All the way. Roxas lifted his gaze to meet Axel's. Even though his green, green eyes were covered in haze, the look he gave Roxas was so tender, Roxas was sure he didn't deserve it. He knew his expression mirrored it, though, as he was overfilled with sincere happiness for getting to experience this with someone. It wasn't just physical, though that was a big part of it. There were also feelings. Real, deep feelings that Roxas didn't even realize were possible to feel.

He couldn't help it. He put both of his hands on Axel's face and kissed him. This one involved a lot of lips and just a little bit of teasing. It said all the things he didn't know how to, like 'I'm glad you're here for me' and 'I'm actually a giant fucking pansy' and 'I think I fell in love with you just now.' He knew that he probably should have done that _before _they decided to have sex, but hey, better late than never.

As the kiss started to heat up, he started to move his hips. At first they were just shallow thrusts, like the kind they'd been doing before. A slow, steady rocking pace, except they weren't just doing it dry anymore. Roxas was the one to quicken the pace, to take things deeper. He stroked the inside of Axel's lip, teasing just enough to draw out the tongue for a clean sweep. _That's _more like it.

"Deeper," he whispered lavisciously, combing his fingers through Axel's hair and tugging needily. "Axel…"

"My name," he said, sending tiny little kisses all over his jawline and neck. "My real one, Roxas, use my real one."

He jolted into that one spot again, except _harder,_ and it was so damn good, Roxas didn't even know what to do with himself but fuck fuck fuck, faster! "Shit! L-Lea! D-do that..."

Axel did that. A lot. There wasn't any restraint left, they were going hard hard hard and Roxas wasn't sure if it was possible to go harder but he _had _to because _yes _it was too fucking much like a cup filling up _way _over the brim and _fuck _Axel was all there was, pounding him into the mattress like nothing Roxas had ever imagined before. His mind was gone and fuzzy and all he could feel was _sliding, sliding _over his way too sensitive skin and there was _no _way he was going to be able to last much longer.

By this point he was writhing, his head turning every which way and his toes curling. It was a vulnerable position to be in, for sure, but one look at Axel's face took all of that away. How beautifully twisted it was, his orgasm face, that face that no one on this planet but Roxas got to see.

One look at that face, and Roxas was a goner, he was coming so hard, and it didn't even matter because Axel was _still _pounding into him in time with the pulsing in such a way that it was simply _too _good to be allowed. So good that it hurt to feel but _god _it was so good. Up to this point, Roxas hadn't been very vocal, but there was no containing the scream of, "Oh god, Lea, Lea!" followed by a lot "Ahhhhhh-ing." His Roxas complex was gone. No shame, no pride, no nothing. Just this. The Roxas that only Axel got to see.

They slowed down as the intensity of the climax started ebbing away, until they'd taken to leisurely rocking to get the last of it. After that, there was a whole lot of panting and a whole lot of nothing. Axel gingerly slid out of him and lie to the side, allowing a beautifully refreshing breeze of cool air to wash over Roxas' hypersensitive skin. At the moment, he was sort of high from endorphins, but when those went away, _damn _was he going to be sore. He could tell. It was worth it, though. Totally worth it.

"Dude…" he trailed, staring at the ceiling.

"Dude…" Axel agreed. "You're totally a screamer," he laughed after a moment.

Roxas laughed airily and giddily, knowing that this was definitely going to be one of their new favorite hobbies.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello! Goodbye! Hello because it's wonderful to see your beautiful faces on this fine evening, and goodbye because I'm pretty sure that once you finish the chapter, I'll never see your gorgeous faces again. Seriously, you're going to hate me so much.**

* * *

"_Goooooooood _morning sweetheart! I can see you're up early."

"Call me sweetheart _one _more time, ever, for the rest of _eternity _and I'll disembowel you," Roxas warned, but the warning was futile, since a little grin was peeking through anyway. He was standing in front of the counter in the kitchen, a loaf of bread and some ham lying in front of him. "Anyway, I could say the same to you. You want a sandwich?"

Axel snuck up behind him and spun him around for a cheerful, good morning kiss. "You makin my sandwiches for me now, babe?"

Roxas smacked him on the arm. "Correction. If you ever call me _any _name of endearment, including but not limited to: sweetheart, babe, darling, honey, cutie, or dear, I'll disembowel you _and _neuter you. With my _hands. _And yes, I made you a sandwich. According to bing, taking it in the ass makes me the female of the relationship. Which I think is fucking retarded, by the way, since you're a sappy little turd that cares _way _too much about his hair, but whatever. So I figured I'd take on this womanly role and make you a fucking sandwich. I already clean your house, just out of habit."

Axel cracked up, loudly and boisterously. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I think we both know that you couldn't understand, let alone impersonate a girl if your life _depended _on it. You don't even understand _me,_ and I've been told I sort of act metro sometimes. Thanks for this, though," he said, plucking the sandwich from the counter and taking it to the table. "Sexy," he added with a wink.

The shorter rolled his eyes, though he made no move to neuter or disembowel the redhead. Sexy, he could probably live with, as long as Axel didn't decide to use it in the company of their friends. Roxas shuddered to think what all of their reactions were going to be once the word got out that they'd had sex.

Once Roxas had gotten all of the stuff on the counter put away, he took his own breakfast to the table and sat down across from Axel. "I want to go to the Lake today," Roxas informed him. "I feel like it's been a while. Like we've had too many snow days during the middle of the school year and it's time to go back."

"You're crazy, kid. I've _never _felt that way during a snow day," Axel snorted.

"Kid, he says," Roxas mumbled. "Speaking of which, are we illegal, since I'm eighteen and you're a minor?" he challenged. "Kiddie kid kid."

Axel was only really a year younger than Roxas. His seventeenth birthday was on the eighth of August, but at his old town, he'd just made the deadline for the school year so, unlike everyone else, he would graduate from high school at seventeen. Since he was so much taller not everyone knew that, although personally Roxas thought the gap in their maturity to be quite obvious.

"I'm pretty sure the age of consent is sixteen in this state anyway," said Axel cheerfully. "There was some stuff I wanted to do first though, like showering and things of that sort before we go."

"Whatever," said Roxas dismissively.

By 'things of that sort,' Axel seemed to mean to say, 'shower and _then _while Roxas was in the shower, go outside and start pushing down dead trees in this woods behind his house.' Roxas almost had a heart attack when the house shook, but when he put his head out the window and saw what Axel was doing, he rolled his eyes and hoped it was common practice so as to not startle the neighbors.

Shortly after getting out, Roxas went outside to chastise him, but Axel cheerfully informed him that it was indeed a relatively common hobby for him if he were feeling hyper without an outlet. Said it made him feel powerful, to watch big old things come down like that.

"Right, you just tell me when you're finished," Roxas said with disinterest. The park didn't open until eleven anyway, and they really had gotten up pretty early. It was only ten at that point. So he went back inside and hung around, idly watching TV and texting with Sora (no change at home) while he waited for the sporadic _BOOMS _outside to come to an end.

Before they did, however, Roxas was disturbed by something else. A short knocking on the door. What was it with people coming to visit lately? That hardly _ever _used to happen to Roxas. Then again, when Roxas lived at home, he didn't really spend much time in the house. Before he went to the door, he checked to make sure it wasn't Sunday. The last thing he wanted was to 'learn about Jesus Christ' while his ADD boyfriend was defacing a forest in the back yard.

It wasn't Sunday though. It was a Thursday, so Roxas had no qualms against getting up and opening the door to see who it was. He really hoped it was just some UPS guy that needed him to sign for something, because he didn't think his ass could handle another visit from his father. Okay, that sounded wrong. It wasn't his dad anyway, so moot point.

It was Aqua. She had come herself, her little, electric blue versa parked in Axel's driveway. She didn't look pleased.

"Aqua!" he said happily, passing off her unhappiness as irritation. "Good to see you! You didn't have to come down here to drag us over to visit, we were just about to leave for the Lake, I swear. It's been a weird couple of days and—"

"Roxas," she cut him off softly. Her melancholy voice made him stop dead. "Where's Axel?"

Roxas gave her a curious look. "Wh-he's in the back pushing down trees. Hear it?" he said, tossing his head back in that direction as another crashing shook the ground.

He took a second to really look at her. Now, he didn't _really _look at people often, Aqua included, which meant the fact that he _noticed _that something was wrong on her face said quite a bit. Her tired eyes were sagging way more than usual, and she wasn't wearing any makeup, aside from a little bit of black collected and smudged underneath her eyes, like she'd been crying. She was frowning too, and hugging herself. She looked like someone very strong whose world had been shattered. Something here was _very _wrong.

"Aqua…?" he asked, gently grasping both of her arms with his hands. "Aqua, what happened? What is it, what's wrong?"

Then she cracked. Tears sprang forth from her eyes as she let out a broken wail and sunk to the ground, still clutching herself and shaking with sobs. Roxas didn't know what to do. He never knew what to do around crying people. He was the least comforting person on the face of the earth, so usually he just sat there and let them cry. But Aqua crying was like his grandmother crying. It wasn't allowed to happen, ever, and the person that caused it would be murdered.

He did the best he could. He knelt to the ground with her, hugging her and cradling her head to his chest, like his dad used to do to comfort him when he was very small. "Come on, let's go inside," he said reassuringly, helping her to stand up and walk, "Come on…"

When they got inside, he sat her on the couch that his dad sat in not so long ago, which from that day forth Roxas never sat on again, calling it, 'the bad luck' couch. "Aqua, _please, _talk to me!," he said, rubbing her arms, "You're scaring me…"

She whined something into his chest, but that would have been hard enough to make out even if she _hadn't _been crying into his t-shirt. He shuffled backwards and just held her by the shoulders again. "What?" he repeated, straining his ears to listen hard in case she said something unintelligible again.

But she didn't. This time, he heard her, loud and very clear. Words he'd remember hearing for a long time.

"Demyx is dead," she choked.

_Demyx… dead. Demyx is dead… _The words echoed through Roxas' mind as he tried to make sense of them. Demyx…dead? He _couldn't _be dead. That was ridiculous. Demyx couldn't die, when he was so damn full of life all the time! He made Axel look like Oscar the Grouch! That just… no, she had to be mistaken.

"Don't be crazy, Aqua," Roxas said soothingly. "What makes you think that?"

She sniffled, and wiped the tears from her face, but it was futile, more kept coming. "Because I found him. I was coming over with some movies and takeout to s-surprise him and I found him in his room. His p-parents didn't even know. They were just sitting in the living room when I screamed." She paused, becoming overcome with sobs once again.

"But _how?!" _Roxas demanded. He hoped it wasn't something stupid, like breaking his neck trying to do a backflip off his bed or choking on a bug because he rode a motorcycle with his mouth open. God, that was so _Demyx. _Please don't let it be something so undignified. A car accident, or a brain aneurysm, some other dormant disease that had come for him, just _anything _but that.

"Slit his wrists," she whimpered.

Anything but that or suicide.

"But—but that just can't be right!" Roxas insisted. "Demyx wouldn't do that! He wasn't that guy! He wouldn't have just left us all behind like that! And even if he would do such a thing, not _that _way. He hate's sharp things, and blood, and he hates pain…"

"Apparently he hated his life even more," she said bitterly.

"D-don't say that," he said, shaking. "He didn't kill himself. He didn't. He was, I don't know, murdered, or something! Did they take his parents in for questioning?"

She shook her head furiously. "He wasn't murdered Roxas, okay?! He just plain killed himself! He left a note and everything! It's his hand writing, his favorite stupid orange pen, and it has references in it that only I would understand!"

She wailed again and shoved her head into his shoulder, soaking his t-shirt and shaking with loud sobs. "Why didn't I see anything!?" she shrieked to herself, "Why didn't he _tell _me?! Why didn't he love me enough to stay alive? Wasn't I worth living for?"

"Of course you a—" Roxas started, but he stopped in his tracks. Axel. Axel was almost just as happy and bouncy as Demyx was. He never had a bad day in his life. Was Roxas worth living for? Roxas certainly didn't think so. Any second, Axel could just walk under the line of one of those trees and die. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… please wait here. AXEL!" he yelled, jumping up from the couch.

He sprinted outside as fast as he could. He could see Axel standing there, watching as another tree fell to the ground. But Roxas didn't stop running. Tears blurring his vision, he ran through rotten leaves and sticks and prickly bushes, all the while yelling Axel's name. The redhead turned around just as Roxas was around twenty feet from him.

"Roxas?" he asked, surprised, as Roxas crashed into him, clutching his warm body as tightly as he could, not even caring that warm tears were spilling out and going everywhere. Demyx was gone… _gone. _"Roxas, what's the matter? Huh? Is it your mom again? I swear, I'm gonna kick her ass—"

"No!" Roxas choked, his voice breaking and crumbling around his sobs as he clutched Axel tighter to keep him from moving away. Roxas, who never cried, not ever, not since he was ten. "Axel, don't move. Don't go anywhere, please, ever."

Axel hugged him tightly and rocked them back and forth, shifting weight from one leg to the other. "Okay, it's okay," he murmured. "I'm here, it's fine, I'm not going anywhere. What are you on about?"

"It's just…" he started, trying to get control of his heaving shoulders. "I love you, okay? I love you, Lea-fucking-Delarosa, and I know I'm crazy for saying it so damn early but it's true, and you have to know it, in case something happens to one of us…"

"Something happens… Roxas, _what _on earth is going on?"

His eyes fell on Aqua, whose lonely, tear stricken face stared at them from the back deck. All Roxas had to do was utter, "Demyx…" and Axel got a pretty good idea of what had just happened.

"It's okay, it's okay," Axel repeated, lying his cheek over the top of Roxas' head. "You don't worry about a thing. I love you, Roxas, I love you…"

* * *

**And thus concludes the amount of story I wrote during the month of November for nanowrimo. I'm sorry, I know character death really isn't in my repertoire, but I was bored and this whole story is just piles and piles of teen angst anyway. Feel free to tell me just how much you hate me for it before you X out of the fic forever ^^**


	11. Chapter 11

**Greetings, to those of you who remained with me! I can't think of any more shit to cram into this, so there will probably only be a few more chapters. Unless anyone has some suggestions! Suggestions are always welcome! Also, as long as I'm in a generous mood, feel free to give me prompts for drabbles. I think I'm gonna start writing those, since full oneshots are so time consuming…**

***EDIT* I'm sorry about all the 'Nate's in here, guys. That was Roxas' name when this was a nanowrimo book. Axel was "Skid," Demyx was Lenny, Aqua was Andrea, and Xion was Katie. So if you see any of those names in here, I'm sorry. I tried to find and replace all of them, but I guess I missed this chapter...**

* * *

Demyx's funeral was held on a Sunday. It was the most terribly unfitting day for a funeral. It was mostly sunny, aside from a few passing clouds, and there was only a hint of a breeze. Demyx hated Sundays, because they always made him restless.

Ironically, the funeral parlor was the liveliest building around. It was painted a buttery yellow, with rich, milk chocolate shutters, and the lawn was neat and trimmed to perfection. Pink chrysanthemum bushes lined the perimeter of the property.

Roxas was shocked at the amount of people that showed up. He had no idea that Demyx had such a big family, or so many friends. He never talked about them. Roxas wondered if he used to get along with his family. He wondered whether his parents were together or divorced. That girl with the mousy brown hair in the front row, was that his sister? How could Roxas have known so little about someone he had been so close to?

Having never been to a wake or a funeral before, Roxas wasn't really sure what to do once he got inside. He figured he would just follow Reno, but Reno was just standing a little bit away from the door with his arms crossed. Seeing him in a suit was on odd sight indeed, even odder, he'd tied his hair back. Axel and Roxas sort of lingered by the doorway until a woman with graying, dusted brown hair approached them. Upon closer observation, Roxas could see that her eyes, though shaped by dark gray makeup, were the precise shape and color that Demyx's had been. For this reason, Roxas had trouble looking at her properly. He knew perfectly well who she was before she introduced herself.

"You must be Roxas…" she said, throwing herself into him. Surprised as he was, he returned her hug. He didn't know what he would do if she started crying. "Demyx used to talk about you all the time. I'm sorry we had to meet under such tragic circumstances. I'm Denise, Demyx's mother."

She released him, and turned to Axel. "Axel? I'm sorry, I don't even know if that's your real name."

"It's Lea, ma'am," he said in a hard voice. He accepted her hug as well. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Stupid Roxas, how come he didn't have enough sense to say that? Everything was too surreal for him to come to grips with. The chapel was white with a beautiful, ornate oak alter. The casket—oh god, how could he have forgotten? Of course there would be a casket. Demyx was in there, dead, gone. The casket was smooth, polished ebony. It was open.

"You boys have seats near Aqua," she said, pointing in the right direction. "She went to the bathroom a little while ago. I'm sure if you wait around she'll turn up. Oh, and if you need anything, ever, you don't be shy, hear? You come around whenever you like. Don't be strangers."

She walked away, leaving the boys nothing to do but approach the casket further. Roxas recognized Aqua's purse in the front row, right across the aisle from Demyx's immediate family. Roxas looked around at all the other teenagers in the room. Out of all of them, Aqua had chosen he and Axel to sit in the front with her. Why? They'd known her for all of one and a half, two months at the very most. Why would she put them above all her other friends?

"Do you want to go… pay respects?" Axel asked tentatively, like he wasn't sure whether he wanted to go himself. Reno had already gone up to see, and returned. It was the quietest Roxas had ever seen him. He imagined that this would be both depressing and also terribly awkward for someone who had only met Demyx one time.

Taking a deep breath, Roxas nodded. He would have to prepare himself; he'd never seen a dead body before. As he stepped up onto the raised platform, and the body came into view, the need to throw up bubbled up. It was _not _what he thought it would be. He was expecting to see a pale, calm version of Demyx, all airbrushed to perfection and wearing some fancy expensive suit.

One thing was for sure, dead people did _not _look like they were sleeping. At least, not this dead person. He didn't look all calm or tranquil like he in slumber. Demyx looked dead. Absolutely still, sullen, and very dead. That wasn't right… it just wasn't. It brought a feeling that Roxas' mind had no name for. It wasn't the same as despair, loss, grief, not even squeamishness. It felt almost like fear, a specific uneasiness at the sight of something so unnatural.

Demyx _was _pale, but not like an ivory, romantic pale that you see in the movies. It was more like someone had taken a picture of him and reduced the saturation. His hair was dull and matte, and also done in a neat ponytail at the base of his neck instead of its usual pear shape. His lips were the same color as the rest of him. The discoloration wasn't what got to Roxas the most, though. It was the _stillness. _Demyx didn't stay still. Not ever. Roxas would be willing to bet he wasn't even still when he slept. And now he would never move again.

He didn't even look like himself. His family had him dressed in a nice, neatly pressed lavender shirt that Roxas had never seen before, coupled with Demyx's favorite blue jeans. There was no tie, but they left the dog tags on, along with the rainbow wristbands (to cover the slashes, Roxas realized with a shudder). They'd even left the tapers in, those silly gauges that Roxas didn't hate so much anymore. All of those things were so Demyx, even the purple shirt, but he still looked so… not himself. Like the Demyx part of him really had gone.

_I'm so sorry, Dem, _Roxas thought, clutching Axel's hand tightly. _I wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have seen it. Why couldn't I see it? I see everything! I see what nobody else wants to! So why couldn't I see what was most important of all? Why didn't you reach out to me? To any of us?_

For the first time in his life, Roxas Winters truly hated himself for being such an unapproachable motherfucker.

When he couldn't look at the body anymore, he tore his eyes away and made to sit down again. Aqua was there now, clutching herself in despair just as she had the day Roxas found out. When he and Axel sat down, he ended up being the one beside her. He put one arm around her and let her cry into the black shirt he'd borrowed from Axel. Beyond that, there wasn't much else he could think to do for her as far as comfort goes. What could he have said, anyway? What do you say to comfort someone over the loss of someone who had taken their own life? You can't say, 'at least he was happy' or even 'he's in a better place now,' because most religious people assumed that suicide meant hell.

Roxas shuddered and stopped himself thinking. There was no backwards logic out there to validate something as preposterous as sending someone like Demyx to hell. None. Demyx was the sweetest person Roxas had ever tolerated enough to know. Even if it did exist, Demyx wouldn't go there. He just wouldn't.

A throat clearing beside them let Roxas know that Xion had arrived. Seeing her dressed in black was odd. Coupled with her hair, the clothing made her complexion seem abnormally fair. Her eyes, rimmed red, were wet and glossy as she silently stepped over to the casket to bid Demyx goodbye. After a moment, she covered her face with her hands and exited the platform.

Naturally, Axel put his arm around her so she could cry into him. Roxas felt extremely uncomfortable. Too many crying people, everywhere. Not that anybody was supposed to be _happy, _obviously, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with the atmosphere.

Slowly, all the guests began making their way to their proper seats so the ceremony could begin. Once again, Roxas was amazed at how many people there were, people he'd never even heard of. School kids, little kids, old people, people that looked like Demyx and people that didn't. The noise level ceased almost at once, then there was silence. The man who was presumably the priest had come up to the altar, and now he led a prayer that everybody but Roxas seemed to know the words to.

When the prayer closed, so did the casket. A floral arrangement of whites roses and carnations was set atop it, contrasting the ebony almost sickeningly. A photograph of Demyx was placed alongside it. Roxas recognized it, as he had the same one; Demyx had passed them out when he received them. It was his senior picture. Roxas wondered whether or not it would even make it to Bristol Central's yearbook. It was a fantastic picture of him, but Roxas remembered how much the guy had hated it, because the photographer had made him laugh, rather than just making his own, charming smile.

The priest talked for a long time about god and heaven and many other things Roxas didn't fully comprehend. Were Demyx's parents very religious, he wondered? Or were they the kind of people that just _said _they were Christian, but only showed up to church for Christmas and Easter services. Or maybe they weren't really religious at all, until somebody died. Usually Roxas hated people like that. But not today. Today, he just hoped that wherever Demyx had ended up, it made him happier.

Roxas allowed himself to tune out when the priest began reciting scriptures about the departed. It wasn't until the remembrance that he really began to listen.

A short, middle aged man with a receding hairline and pot belly assumed the platform, and not a sound could be heard. Nobody whispered, nobody coughed, nobody even dared to make crying sounds. He had been crying, Roxas could tell from his wet, bloodshot eyes and quivering chin. Roxas' eyes landed upon mismatching socks, and that's when he realized that this man had to be Demyx's dad.

"It is—" he started, choking on his words a little. He cleared his throat and tried again. "It is a terrible time, when we lose someone as special as Demyx. Especially when his life—" he choked again. "—his life was taken by his own hand. That is beyond devastating to everyone, and perhaps even angering to some. I can't pretend to know the catalyst, but I am, as I'm sure all of you are too, experiencing the same recurring thought: it was all my fault. But it really isn't. It isn't anybody's fault. And he wouldn't want us to think it was. So I promise not to think like that, if you don't. Okay? Survivor guilt is always to be expected, and it you are feeling overwhelmed by it, you _must _reach out to somebody. We mustn't remember Demyx as the boy who committed suicide on August 1st, 2012. We must remember him as the boy who loved music. That boy—" a few tears slipped from his eyes and dropped right to the floor. "That boy who would sing in the shower until the hot water ran out."

The man reached into his jacket pocket, "I have a memory," he said, withdrawing a small picture from the pocket. "That I would like to share with you all. This was taken some seven or eight years ago, if my memory serves me. I took my boy, just me and him, on a little fishing trip.

But when we got to lake, after an hour of driving, mind, I found out that he'd… heh, he'd taken my tackle boxes out to make room for his guitar," he laughed sadly and wiped his eyes. "All we had to work with were plain hooks. Of course, he took the guitar on the water, even though I told him not to. We only caught one fish, and the odds of it were so ridiculous. It was a big fat rainbow trout, and the hook had caught right in his little tail fin. But Demyx didn't want to take it home, or take a picture of it, or anything. He just congratulated himself and put it right back, because Demyx was the boy that didn't care about catching the fish, as long as he was having a good time."

Roxas stared at the floor angrily. There was so much _more _to Demyx than that. The Demyx he knew would probably have named the fish, put in back in, and gone swimming with it! Or he'd be that moron that didn't even bother putting a line on the rod, rather just use it to splash and make cool ripples in the water. His dad was making it sound like he was just some twit that liked fishing and music. But really, he was some twit that liked _everything. _

He and Axel's hands had been slowly sliding apart, but he didn't notice until Axel put them back together again and squeezed lightly. Roxas squeezed back, wishing the hurt would just go away. He hated this, _so _much. This wasn't fair. _Nobody _should ever have to feel like this.

The Roxas Winters remembered why he hated associating with people.

People could die. People could leave you behind. People could decide in a split second that they didn't care about you anymore and cut you away at your most vulnerable. People were finite.

Clenching his teeth, Roxas hung his head, grasping Axel's hand with everything he had and squeezing his eyes shut. For half a moment, he wished he'd never met Xion, or Aqua, and especially Demyx. Because then there wouldn't be so much hurt. Being with Axel was the best part of his life right now, but was it really worth this? If he'd never met Demyx, then they wouldn't be together, but then Roxas' mother never would have kicked him out of the house. And then when Demyx died, _if _he died, Roxas wouldn't even know. He would have just gone to Lake Compounce with Axel like he always did, and he would have bitched about trivial things like bees and wet denim and fat people that wore bikinis.

And then he'd still be a miserable, crusty teenager rather than a miserable, soft shelled half-faggot with a dead friend and no mother. But things weren't like that. He _was _a soft shelled, half-faggot without a mother. And one of his best friends had died for nothing. Things were stuck like that.

When the congregation stood up and sang Amazing Grace, Roxas joined softly, mostly because everyone else was doing it and that made him feel obligated. Two months ago, Roxas would have rolled his eyes. Amazing Grace at a funeral, how original. He even sang the bits about god and heaven and all those things he didn't believe in, because today, he wanted to believe. His friends sang next to him, so he didn't feel judged or out of place. He was just one voice of many, one speck in a sea of black.

~o~

The procession was held through the streets of Waterbury, where Demyx grew up. It took forever, of course, because downtown Waterbury on a Sunday was like rush hour traffic in New York City on any given day. Roxas was glad Reno was driving, because that meant that he could lay on Axel lazily in the back seat without an armrest to separate them. They weren't wearing seat belts, either, but the car was only going about five miles an hour anyway.

Roxas sat in a very vulnerable position; with his head lying on Axel's chest, while Axel's arms were wrapped around him. He rationalized it by saying that he was in a very vulnerable state of mind, but that was bullshit. He was just plain sad. Usually when he was sad, he turned it into anger instead, or he laughed it off so that he didn't need to cry. But either of these things in such a situation would have been in very poor taste, so Roxas swallowed what little pride he had left and let Axel comfort him. He hugged back, figuring that if _he _needed company, his feminine-acting boyfriend would probably need it too. Nobody said anything.

It was such a gorgeous day out. How could it be so perfect, when everything else was so wrong? The clouds were thin and spread out over a cerulean sky. They were the texture-y, feathery kind that you could find animals in. Even though the temperature was a little high, there was a cheerful breeze on the air that kept it from getting too hot.

Demyx's grave was of a gleaming white marble, probably worth more than Roxas' condo. Good. Demyx deserved that, he thought. The stone read _Demyx Baumgartner—Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend. _

Roxas felt bad for Aqua. They always wrote 'husband' on gravestones, but never 'boyfriend,' as if that wasn't enough to merit the space. Roxas hated that. The way he saw it, Axel was the most important person to him. Period. So if he died, he'd definitely want his gravestone to show that. Of course, if Roxas were to die, he'd probably end up being dumped into a river or something, but that wasn't the issue at hand.

Many people had black umbrellas, even though there obviously wasn't going to be any rain. Demyx's mom and Aqua sobbed hysterically into one another as the casket was lowered into the ground.

Someone else of little importance was making another speech now, but Roxas wasn't listening anymore. He was staring at the coffin, going down, down, down, never to come back up again. Not ever. Not for Christmas, or Easter, or in time for Skid's birthday. The person inside was gone _forever. _The concept made Roxas' head spin. How was the gang supposed to meet for lunch now, with Demyx's empty spot staring them in the face? How as he supposed to face Aqua every day, knowing that her other half was missing?

There wasn't a dry eye in sight. Even Aqua's guy friends from Bristol Central were swallowing an awful lot. Everybody loved Demyx.

Axel and Roxas hung back as the sea of black began to part. When Aqua stood to her feet, she approached them on wobbly legs, the makeup washed clean off of her blotchy face.

"My parents are moving me away," she said in a hoarse, raspy voice. She swallowed and cleared her throat, but it did nothing for the quality of her voice. Roxas hated to think of the headache she must have had. "They want me to start the school year somewhere new. I guess it's for the best. The last thing I need is swarms of people telling me how sorry they am for me."

This is why Roxas Winters didn't associate with people.

"How far?" he asked miserably. Would he ever see her again? What little happiness he still had in his life, he owed to her.

"Rhode Island," she sniffled.

Rhode Island. At best, it was an hour and a half's drive from Bristol. It could take two or three to get to the shore.

"Me and Roxas will visit," Axel promised immediately, putting his arm around Roxas. "All the time. Whenever you want. Right Roxas?"

Roxas nodded without a moment's hesitation. "Y-yeah. Every week if you want."

Aqua tried to smile. She really did, she gave her best effort. While the end result resembled a grimace more than anything else, the gratitude still shone clear in her eyes. "Thank you," she said solemnly. "You both… you made this summer so special for me."

To the surprise of everyone, Roxas stepped forward and hugged her for real. Not that kind of awkward one-armed hug he'd give out when someone unexpectedly threw themselves into him, or the half-assed kind he used to try and comfort people. It was a _real _hug. The kind reserved for people that really mattered.

"You too, Aqua," he said, lying his hand on top of her head, cradling it into his collarbone. "I really mean it."

Axel joined in too, forming a nice big group hug with Aqua in the middle. They swayed around for a second and broke up.

"So when do you leave?" Axel asked.

"A few weeks," she replied. "I gave my two weeks' notice into work yesterday. I'll be working until then. I probably leave after the twentieth."

They stood around for a moment, unsure of what to say. Aqua picked her bag up off the ground and made to leave. "I'm going home, guys. I want to mope by myself."

"Are you going to be okay?" Roxas asked concernedly.

She smiled weakly. "Yeah. I'll be all right. I just want to go into my room, lock the door, throw a temper tantrum, and cry into my pillow until I fall asleep. No one has left me alone for a second since it happened; I could really just use some space."

"I understand that," Roxas said immediately. "Go then. A quick tip: make a mug of hot chocolate, shaken, not stirred, and burrow yourself into a comforter and roll around on the floor in a fit of angst. That's what I do when I throw pity parties. It wears you out real quick, you'll fall right asleep."

Aqua clutched her mouth in a half laugh, half sob. "Thanks…"

With that, she left, leaving Roxas and Axel alone by the stone. Axel's dad was closer to the exit of the cemetery, talking with some random adult, because all adults seemed to know each other. Xion was by herself. No father, no mother, not even a brother.

Naturally, they went straight to her. Out of the three people Roxas had become friends with that summer, the one he got along least with was her. Not to say that they ever disagreed or squabbled, he just didn't get her. One would think that they bonded while pretending to be a couple, but Roxas didn't feel that way. They probably wouldn't be friends at all if Roxas didn't feel bad for her. But she was what they had left now. He wondered if they would hang out during classes.

"Hey…" Axel said, "How are you?"

"Fine," she sighed. "I'm always fine."

They were quiet for a minute, but thankfully Xion broke the silence. "Listen, I know a place we can go. We're not really supposed to go there, but I know someone who would let it slide. It's… it's a lonely place. I'm going to head over. Do you guys want to come with me?"

"I'll have to see if my dad's okay with that," said Axel, nudging over to where Reno was standing. "But I'm up for it. A lonely place doesn't sound so bad right now. That okay?" he asked Roxas.

Roxas shrugged. At this point, nothing really mattered.

~o~

"I don't think you should have used the word lonely so much as _dismal,"_ Axel commented, helping Roxas to take a seat next to him without falling to his death.

"Regardless, it's a nice place to come when you want to contemplate cheesy things like the meaning of life," Xion replied serenely.

She could say that again. Standing about the same height as the downtime, the Waterbury Train Station had the highest clock tower in the state. As thin a tower as it may have been, there was just enough room for a couple of teenagers to sit by the bell. All Xion had to do was greet the janitor by name, and the door to the tower stairwell magically became unlocked and they were free to come and go as they pleased.

For a long time, the threesome sat in silence, Axel to Roxas' right, Xion to his left. The tower overlooked everything; downtown, uptown, the freeway, even a few roly poly hills in the hazy distance. To anyone below, they appeared as nothing more than three black blobs, maybe with a spot of red for Axel's hair.

When the sun began sinking lower in the sky, Xion finally said, "Remember that time Demyx dreamt he was a flag?"

The trio laughed, "Yeah. I even sketched what I thought it would look like. It's all cartoony, but I think it's pretty funny," Skid replied.

Before they knew it, a whole entire "Remember when Demyx—" conversation broke out, in which they told roughly every memory of Demyx that they'd had. The boy never lived a boring second, and even in death, he was causing such a fuss, so there was lots to tell. In the end, they ended up laughing about things that didn't even make sense. Maybe that was because Demyx himself did make much sense, or maybe it was just a result of _needing _to laugh, if nothing else to cover their sorrow.

It was hard to say for sure, but going by the Demyx Roxas thought he knew, he wanted to say that his friend would have wanted them to keep laughing, especially in his memory. Not in ridicule, obviously, but in fondness. If Roxas had his way, when _he _died, he would certainly prefer that people say, "Remember that Roxas? He was such a funny guy," rather than, "Oh yeah, I remember that Roxas. He was such an asshole." But Roxas hardly ever had his way.

"You know, I think Demyx was plotting with Aqua to get us together all along," said Axel. "Right from the second we started denying it. That one day when we split up to play in the waterpark, he accused me and you of being a closet couple."

"Who _didn't _think that?" Roxas said dryly.

"You didn't," Axel pointed out.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot."

Xion giggled. "You two are the weirdest couple I have ever seen. Sometimes I can't even tell if you're legit or not. I mean, I know you are, but sometimes I forget. You don't act the part or anything, I mean, I don't think I've even seen you kiss."

"Ch'yeah well, who wants to see that anyway?" Roxas snorted.

"Aqua sure did," she pointed out.

Axel laughed out loud, but Roxas just turned red. "Oh. Well shit, she saw that all right. I think she got a little more than she bargained for," he huffed. "I don't know if you heard the story."

"I heard something about wet, half naked men rolling around on the bank in a drunken throw of lust and passion," Xion laughed, using air quotes all the while.

"We were not half naked!" Roxas argued hotly.

"Yeah, that part came after," Axel added deviously.

Roxas widened his eyes in horror. "Oh my god. No. Just not even… no. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck _you."_

"What? Like you did last week?" Axel challenged.

Roxas glared. And glared. And glared.

"Too far?" Axel asked weakly.

A thought struck Roxas as he shook his head. He quickly loosened his shoulders and tossed on a coy little smirk. "Yeah, Axel. _Exactly _like I did last week. All hot and wet from the shower and begging for you… remember? Nice, and _hard, _and _sloooooooow…"_

Axel and Xion wore identical expressions of shock.

"And exactly how I'm _not _going to do for the remainder of _this _week." Roxas finished calmly, smacking his boyfriend on the shoulder multiple times. "You're being cut off. Congratulations, Axel. I don't think anyone displays techniques for cockblocking yourself quite like you do."

"What!?" Axel demanded incredulously. "You're not _serious?"_

"Oh, I am so serious," Roxas replied sassily.

Roxas had a feeling they'd have been bickering for quite some time, had Xion not thrown her hand between them, and interrupted. "Hello? Sorry, quick question. Are you guys always like this when we're not around."

"_No. _He's never denied me sex before!" Axel complained.

"You make it sound like we've been at it for _so _long. Anyhow, I'd rather _not _discuss our sex life in front of Xion, if you don't mind," said Roxas.

"Oh, I don't mind," Xion chimed in passively. "The fact that you even _have _one is intriguing enough. I always thought of Roxas kind of like a porcupine. They're cute as hell, but no matter how much you try, you can't touch them without getting stabbed."

Axel paused. "That's… a shockingly accurate metaphor," he laughed.

Of course, Roxas wasn't _really _planning on going the whole week without sex of some form or another, he just liked to watch Axel squirm. On the other hand, it's not like he meticulously planned out a week's worth of bedroom activities either, but he knew it would probably happen, should the mood strike. Now that Axel would be trying to initiate things more strategically, Roxas doubted his ass would survive the week without some form of penetration.

"Do I at least get _kisses?_" Axel pleaded obnoxiously.

"No. No kisses for you," Roxas said adamantly, leaning away from the redhead and pushing into Xion. Axel playfully tugged him back by the arm, grinning broadly. Despite himself, Roxas was grinning too.

"Come on! Not even a little one?" said Axel, puckering his lips dramatically, giving himself the appearance of a big red blowfish.

At this point, Roxas knew they were just being general asses now. Axel knew the proper way to get a kiss out of him if he really wanted it. This was all simply playful banter.

"No!" Roxas laughed, scrambling off the ledge to avoid falling off the building.

Axel tackled him and they took turns trying to pin the other's arms down. Their neatly pressed, black formal wear was getting all dusty and dirty, and the boys themselves were getting scraped up and ruffled, but they didn't care. Xion's high-pitched laughter filled the air as she observed them, picking no sides.

"If you don't give in, I'll have to tickle you," Axel warned.

Roxas snorted, "Go ahead, you know I'm not ticklish."

Axel cursed, knowing his bluff had been called. He lunged at Roxas anyway, but instead of launching a tickle attack, he twined their limbs into a full nelson position. They hadn't play wrestled in quite some time, but Roxas remembered that one perfectly. It was the _one _submission that he could never wriggle out of; it worked on him every time.

"AHOW! Uncle! Uncle!" he growled trying fruitlessly to get away.

"You gonna revoke the ban?" Axel teased, his eyes shining.

Roxas was momentarily stunted, impressed that Axel even knew the word revoke. "Grr… Never!" he shouted in a mock valiant voice. Axel pulled tighter. Even though it was painful, Roxas couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriends childish methods. "Okay, okay! Alright! I revoke the ban!" he said finally, trying to sound as dejected as possible.

"Thank you," Axel said cheerfully, slackening his grip enough for Roxas to scramble away.

"Jerk," Roxas muttered, but he kissed Axel quickly to keep him from attacking again.

"You call that a kiss?" Axel challenged, inching back up to sit on the ledge again. "What are we, in church?"

"Don't push it," Roxas warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Axel sang happily. He did, however, hover his face expectantly above Roxas', regarding him with soft eyes. Which is how he asked for kissing when they were alone, and ninety nine percent of the time, Roxas was all right with that. He rolled his eyes and they met halfway.

They weren't exactly explicit about it, because Xion was there, but Roxas wasn't prickly of stiff lipped like before. While he allowed lots of lips and a little bit of tongue, Roxas pulled back after about five seconds, for Xion's sake. He knew that _he _didn't like when other people sucked face in front of him. It was weird, it was awkward, he never knew whether he was allowed to look or not, and was always resigned to sitting around and waiting for it to stop. So, to spare her that, he kept things short and sweet.

But he found, to his extreme dismay, that she didn't mind at all. "Eeep! You guys are adorable!" she twittered, bouncing her legs like a kid.

Axel and Roxas looked at her, and then back to each other, each scowling and turning red. "I didn't see anything," said Skid, looking around innocently. "Did you see anything, Rox?"

"Nope," Roxas replied, grinning. "Not a thing."

Xion grinned back at them, but after a moment, her grin faded, leaving the air heavy again. "I almost feel guilty," she confessed. "You know what I mean? Like we shouldn't be feeling anything happy today. I don't want to laugh. It feels bad."

"Hey, for me, moments of happiness are few and far between," Roxas said flatly. "I'll take them when I can get them."

"Besides, I'm sure that wallowing in a pile of angst isn't what Demyx would have wished upon us," Skid reasoned. "I know that's not what I would want if I wanted to, you know, kick the bucket. Plus, I bet you one of the reasons he did what he did is because he thought we'd be happier without him. The idea of such a thing is demented and sad, but it seems like the kind of way Demyx would think."

Roxas clamped his hands tightly over the cement ledges of the tower. "Except you're _not _going to kick the bucket any time soon, so don't even entertain the idea."

"Yes, dear," said Axel.

"Do you ever think about it though?" Xion muttered quietly, shifting her gaze from the horizon to the ground below. "How easy it would be to just… scoot forward three inches? It would all be over in a few seconds… probably wouldn't even feel it. Don't you ever wonder… how the world would be affected? _If _the world would even be affected?"

Roxas _did _contemplate that, _all _the time. Usually the most when he thought about his mother. He wondered things like the guilt his mom may or may not feel if she found out her son died hating her. Who would show up at his funeral? How many people would only start to care about him because he died, like Michael Jackson and Amanda Todd? Things like that bothered him all the time. But he never found himself preparing to do it.

Just as he was opening his mouth to voice this, Axel talk for him. "It doesn't matter. Every human naturally considers suicide now and then, but it's selfish. That's one of the most selfish things you could do. Is anybody _really _so tortured that it validates leaving everyone else behind to pick up your pieces? Demyx's mother will probably be scarred for the rest of her life. What could be _worth _that?"

"I think… I think everyone is born with the right to die," said Roxas. "But you're right. It is selfish. Everyone is born with the right to be an asshole too, but everybody knows what the more desired outcome is. It doesn't mean we don't _have _assholes in the world though. Some people just do it."

"Are you mad at Demyx?" Xion asked. "I want to be, but it feels so wrong. Like I should be more respectful than that. You don't get mad at dead people, it's a social taboo."

Neither of the boys could respond to that. They nodded in agreement, though Roxas wasn't really sure what he was agreeing to, but the conversation didn't progress beyond that. Nobody wanted to talk about Demyx anymore. It was too painful.

"I never realized we had good sunsets in Connecticut," Axel said thoughtfully, staring out into the sky. Indeed, splatters of pinks, oranges, and yellows stained the clouds dotting the horizon, framing the sun, which was an impossibly bright red. "Do you guys know why the sun sets red…?"


End file.
